Looking for low-cost counsellor

[Mark247]

I am trying to find a low-cost counsellor to guide me through separation and divorce. I have tried a couple of popular services but would prefer the same person every session, rather than the next in the queue. I am in a 30 year relationship but I now believe I have been abused both mentally and emotionally. I have access to only a small amount of money, so I need a low-cost service. It is also important that it doesn't appear on my medical records, as my wife has access to these. I tried Relationships Australia (SA) but they have nothing available for 8-10 weeks. Any suggestions?

[ecomama]

The only issue with getting a MHCP is if Mark goes to Court and his wife subpoenas his medical records, it's all there in report form to be used a weapon. She controls all accounts atm.

But lock down all access of wife to your medicare, banking etc. . Medicare understands DV and can secure things for you.

Mark, you have to consider your own financial capacity to 'pay W out', if you want to stay in the home. Banks will give you an idea of how much you can borrow for mortgage PLUS to pay W a settlement figure IF this is what you want. Otherwise W will have to do that and that's all on her.

NB: Valuing house. Real Estate agents give appraisals but not 'Valuations' acceptable in Family Law. You can Google Valuers in your area but you must question them on whether they are Family Law approved. This costs a packet and the "Valuation" of your home needs to be a current one. I would leave this until you jointly approve of a abovementioned Valuer and when you are both 'ready' to proceed with the split of home. House values fluctuate and you do NOT want to pay it twice or more (I knew a lady who had to pay for it repeatedly as the case took 6+ years to resolve).

Basically if you want it resolved quickly then you will have to make more concessions to W.
The Divorce process expects things to be settled, so there our timings outlined. You can phone your local Family Law or Federal Circuit Court for timings etc.

I'm overdoing it here, but working for many days straight soon, so I wanted to provide things for you to consider in my absence.

You're doing great. No one knows where to start until they do. It's ALL okay. There is light at the end of the tunnel!
EM

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi ecomama,

Ah - thank you for clarifying this! This may mean that a private counsellor or psychologist would be a possible option as they are not associated with Medicare. With a private counsellor, the records can still be subpoenaed but of course if the wife does not know she can't pursue this.

rt

[Mark247]

Thanks Em and RT for your help.

There are 2 things I am trying to do at the moment: 1. Get my "ducks in a row financially"; 2. Get some help with the psychological damage.

Unfortunately number 2 could jeopardise number 1. If wife gets wind of me seeing a counsellor, she could lock down all finances. She has said in the past that if I ever tried to leave her I would be homeless and broke. She works in finance and could do it. This means that I cannot take money from my bank account, cannot use the credit card and cannot have anything show up on my medical records (yes she has full access to these too).

What I do have is a secure phone, email and internet access.

All your suggestions about new accounts, paying only half the bills, etc. are good, but only after the s**t hits the fan.

A mental health care plan means getting it on my medical records and she will find out. I have no access to money to pay for counselling, so I guess I have to skip the counselling until after I have left. I will have a look at Uniting Communities, but I expect that will cost money and go on record somewhere too.

Does anyone know just how much a psychologist has to put in their report? Would it be possible to see one for a specific issue (eg. eating disorder), but actually talk to them about something completely different (mental health)?

I will try legal services next. It is starting to sound all too difficult though.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Mark247,

I think it might be worth having a chat with 1800 RESPECT. They have helped people in the same boat as you before - and if dialling them isn't ideal right now you can also do a web-chat which is all free - www.1800respect.org.au

Uniting Communities offer free counselling - so that's no cost to you.

With the psychologist, generally no- if you were to be referred from a MHCP you could talk about eating issues in the appointment with your GP but otherwise a private referral doesn't need any information.

While it is true that everyone has to keep records by law, I think it's worth thinking about the subpoena - your wife would need a reason to access those records; you can't simply access them 'because you want to'. I'm struggling to think of a good reason that your wife could validate getting one even with her lawyer.

rt

[ecomama]

Hi Mark247

It's monstrously difficult and your situation is compounded by the amount of control W has over things, plus your emotional state over her behaviour (all signals DV).

I read your previous post and you never have to thank me, but you are very welcome Mark. So you think your phone is secure but W pays the bill? If she does, then she can see all numbers you call and it's not ACTUALLY 'secure' if you know what I mean?

Thinking outside the box now. How bout this...
IF you can call from a secure number (hidden from W) call 1800RESPECT or BB only and ask to be put through to a Psych for DV each time. Explain your situation and just keep calling the same one. Ask them to take notes so you can just continue your story.

Get 1:1 MH support after.

I can see a difference of opinion in the MHCP - GP - Counsellor notes - subpoena thing. It's very sweet that people think we have confidential counselling but in cases of Family Law Court we simply don't. All one party has to do in their affidavit is to say or elude to the other party being mentally unstable and bingo they can subpoena. A party can file an extra doc outlining it (even in lies). IMHO Courts couldn't give a rats bottom what is subpoenaed. We have the right to deny the subpoena but legal advice on this to me was "that only gives Judge the idea that there IS something in those notes, so they can override your refusal and issue it anyway". So there is no such thing as 'confidentiality' in Family Law. A party can even submit transcripts of 'illegally' taped conversations in FLC.

IF you get a MHCP and see a counsellor/psych then they (or even in cases of Health Care Plans for eg a Chiropractor) ,the other professional the GP referred you to, in all cases is obliged to send reports to your GP. Your GP files said reports.

ExH subpoenaed my GP and my psych and everything else he could think of. I just agreed. No point in fighting and adds extra costs.

I sat in Federal Circuit Court for Family Law and read the subpoenaed documents for 6-8 hours, I got there when it opened and they kicked me out at closing time lol. EVERYTHING was in there. I read a 3 page report from one professional. I saw diagnoses in bolded black letters for exH. It was hellish stuff. The thing exH didn't know when he subpoenaed MY files, is that the GP I saw was his also and she put both parties files in. BINGO. I read the meds he was prescribed. I read the STDs he had. Frightening and sickening stuff.

Sorry guys, all true.
EM

[Mark247]

Thanks again EM & RT,

I want to keep any counselling off my medical records so that I don't tip off wife that anything is up until I have my "ducks in a row". I don't understand why this would be important in a court context though. Surely the fact that I had sought counselling wouldn't work against me in court? What am I missing here?

[Sophie_M]

Just a quick note for anyone following Mark247's journey that we are closing this thread. If you would like to continue supporting Mark247, please visit his latest thread here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/stuck-in-an-a...