Lonely and depressed after leaving my ex

[Determined1]

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post.

So 6 months ago I left my ex boyfriend. We had been together for 7 years and I felt like we weren’t progressing in the relationship like I would have hoped. Fast forward 6 months and I’m feeling more depressed than ever and lonely. I also feel ashamed and guilty for dating someone right after we split. Call it a rebound, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I did that as it’s not like me. Or is it? A few months after the breakup I wrote my ex a letter to explain my actions and where I believe I went wrong in hope we could try again. I poured my heart out into that letter, only for him to let his new girlfriend read it and for her to message me to say how ridiculous it was for me to do that. I don’t know what to do with myself right now, I keep busy with exercise, I socialise, work full time, swim once a week but I can’t help but feel worthless and guilty for leaving him like that. I messaged him to express my disappointment for allowing her to read my letter, and got hit with name calling and anger. I copped it on the chin because I felt like I deserved it.

I miss him at times because he was by my side for a long time knowing I have depression and anxiety, and the thought of ever being with someone else scares me. I get cut up knowing he happily moved on and I do regret doing what I did without fighting a little longer.

Any sort of support is so greatly appreciated.

[Determined1]

Hey!

I know exactly how you feel! I plan to move out on my own soon and while I wish I had moved on with a partner, life doesn’t always turn out the way we want it it. Remember that nothing in life is predictable or guaranteed, we are always kept on our toes. I have days when I want to stalk my ex but I know that afterward I’ll feel terrible like I’m talking a step back, and he doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of seeing me fail. Nor do I deserve it. The difference between you and I and our ex’s is that we have the courage to face it all alone, while utilising all the amazing self help tools, building ourselves back up to be our best versions. Do you think they’re doing that? I doubt it. Now that I’m single I’m so grateful I didn’t remain with someone I didn’t feel was right for me.. this is probably the best gift I’ve ever given myself. Time to discover, explore, appreciate and feel free! Do yourself a favour and block him on fb, best thing you’ll ever do.

I’m taking St. John’s wort and I can safely say that it’s already having some very positive effects on my mood. My diet is a lot cleaner and I avoid sugar because it seems to make me feel grumpy. Pineapple and oranges are so refreshing in the morning, and the sunlight definitely helps.

You may feel like a shell right now, but that’s you trying to figure out who you really are! Like my mum says to me, the 20s are tough, the 30s get easier, 40s and 50s for most is where it’s at 😉 my mum had terrible anxiety which stopped her from doing a lot, but I can confidently say that’s she’s definitely the happiest she’s ever been. She even met Mr Right in her 50s!

I know too well that sometimes it feels like we’re going backwards and what I tell myself is “this is normal, and in a few days you’ll have a good day”. It takes a lot of time and determination to get to where you want to be. Let the bad days pass because a bad day, week, month or even year won’t last forever. I’m confident we can both get through this... you don’t know what’s around the corner 😉

[Feeling_Lonely]

Thank you for posting such a beautiful, uplifting post Determined1. Everything you said is so true!

I’m pleased to say that the end of my week has been far better than the beginning. So much so, that I even woke up well before my alarm this morning and bounced out of bed with energy and took myself off for a walk. It felt good to firstly wake up feeling wonderful and energetic and secondly to get some exercise, breathe in the beautiful sunshine and smile and say hello to strangers.

This feeling has continued throughout the day and I have literally felt full of love and with confidence that everything will turn out exactly as it should. My cheeks almost feel sore from smiling all day! I wish I could bottle this feeling and take sips of it when I’m feeling down ha!

I just hope this feeling continues, but it’s also okay if it doesn’t, as I know it will return once more.

I definitely feel like I am in a rebuilding phase and know that I’m going to come through this being such a strong, amazing woman once more. Strength comes through struggle and this too shall pass.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend planned; keep being kind to yourself 🙂

[Determined1]

Your post gave me a big smile 😄 I’m very proud of you Feeling Lonely. If you have at least one good day out of a few bad days then you’re doing A-ok. There is nothing better then leaping out of bed with energy, that’s when you know depression doesn’t have as strong a grip as you think!

Have an amazing weekend. I’m here for a chat any time you need a pick-me-up 👍

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hello! How was your weekend? Whilst I can’t say I have felt quite as upbeat as Friday, I’ve still felt pretty happy and positive. I also visited the beach today which always has a positive effect on me.

How have you been feeling lately? Are you finding that the dietary changes are helping? My therapist actually recommended vitamin B, which I’ve been taking for the last few weeks. Whether it’s the vitamins or just me healing, but I definitely feel an improvement.

Im hoping to continue the upwards trend and get back into more exercise this week, even if it’s just a morning walk. Friday felt so good for starting the day in an active way.

I hope you’ve had a great weekend! 🙂

[Determined1]

Hello 👋

I’ve had a very productive day spending all my money on clothes and food hehe nonetheless I got to enjoy the beautiful sunshine and a laugh with my amazing friend. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been more upbeat and positive, that is a big step in the right direction. No day will be perfect and we can’t be happy all the time, we need to accept the low moods too. I agree vitamin B, particularly B-complex is great! I take that daily with St John’s and plenty of fish oil. I noticed that after having a few glasses of Moscato and a coffee last night it increased my anxiety, so today I opted for water and regular meals.

I can’t express enough the joy I feel right now it’s like I woke up and pretty much got over my ex! Woo hoo! Who knows what’s to come next.

Exercise is so crucial to recovery as it releases endorphins making us feel good. Start the day with a good brekky, a walk if you can and a cup of hot Chamomile tea. These small things lead to future big changes.

[Feeling_Lonely]

Oh yay, it sounds like you’ve had a great day and also that you are well and truly on the mend and heading in the right direction. Go you! That’s awesome!

I definitely long for that feeling of not thinking about the ex, but am totally happy with the fact I’m making progress and just feeling happier generally about myself and my life. I’m sure those feelings will fade eventually for me.

I totally agree with you re the alcohol and anxiety. At my worst, I really wasn’t drinking anything at all, maybe the odd wine or beer here or there. And then as I started feeling a bit better and had some social commitments, I had a few more drinks and often found the next day I would feel extremely anxious with the post-drinking blues. Whilst I still have a social drink, I’m aware that it can definitely lead to a pretty negative place, so moderation is key.

I’m so happy that you’re feeling so good too!

[Guest_0087]

Hi Determined

I don't usually respond in this forum, but read your post and thought of how relatable it is.

I broke up with someone about 8 months ago, and to this day it still hurts a lot. Some days they do not even exist in my mind, other days I can't get them out of my mind. Breakups are really hard and can be a difficult thing. We do not realise how much we have shared with someone until we no longer do, and that's what causes the heartbreak. The memories created and shared, and the feeling to want to continue doing that.

However, everything you have been saying sounds like you are on the right track and shows your true character. A kind and gentle soul who only wants good, and only looks for good.

I've been meaning to write a post on here about my relationship anxiety, but keep telling myself not to, but seeing your story and how you recover, I might just do it. You are also giving advice and encouraging people. The determined in your name is not just a name, it's a trait.

You are already on the right track and moving forward and have been given great advice on here, there is not much more I could add, but I thought I just wanted to say how great it is to hear your story and see how far along you have come. You've truly come a long way in a short space of time, I wish I was able to do that.

[Determined1]

Thanks Feeling Lonely! I’m thinking you may need to change your name to something more like *Stronger every day 🙂 I can assure you the obsessive thoughts of your ex will cease to exist and will be replaced with the idea of dating someone new, being engrossed in a hobby or passion, work or the moment happening. I still can’t believe I can go a whole day now with only maybe a couple of thoughts about him that really don’t make me feel anything.

Hello zimbos05! Thank you so much for your kind words, your comments have filled me with happiness. Memories are beautiful to keep, but don’t let the breakup get you down because while it is hard now I know down the track this was meant to happen. It’ll lead you down a new avenue of experiences. I’ve spent 7 months grieving and really feeling the pain of losing the other half but it has made me feel so strong and almost brand new. Without the help of my wonderful friends and family I don’t know how I would have coped. This forum has been the additional boost of confidence I needed! I’m so humbled by the responses and grateful that I can help out others going through something similar.

I wanted to give up so many times but I never like to quit, and no matter what I am determined to beat depression and anxiety. I want to feel the magic of falling in love again, with someone even better who deserves my love a whole lot more. The same goes for you 👍

[Determined1]

Thank you Feeling Lonely 🙂 the worst thing I was doing was comparing my recovery to others. We all heal at a different rate. I think if we continually add new tools such as the meditation, journaling, exercising and socialising we’re not only adding value to our lives but speeding up the process. They often say to cut coffee and alcohol when you’re anxious, but an occasional drink is not going to affect your progress. I can already see how well you’re doing so baby steps and before you know it you’ll have a busy mind (not on the ex kind).

Hello zimbos05 thank you so much for your kind comments. You’ve put a big smile on my dial. I can’t believe how amazing the people on this forum are! I’m glad I inspired you to reach out for support, like myself, you will not regret it. I spent the last 7 months confused, grieving, wondering and hoping but I wouldn’t change a thing as hard as it was. I feel sort of brand new you can say. I feel like I’ve had a total mindset makeover, and the best thing you can do when overcoming something is not be so hard on yourself. Everything takes time, good things take time and jumping onto these forums is another step toward where you want to be. Accept any support you can get, get out of your comfort zone and try something new even if it’s small, meditate, write, creative, laugh, eat, move and most importantly believe in yourself. This will take time yes but know that one day you’ll wake up and feel completely different and ready to move on. All the best, I hope I’ve given you some sort of encouragement to not give up 😊

[Determined1]

My original post didn’t go through so I wrote another one, so now both have appeared lol