Hello. Will try to summarise. Thank you.
I'm 42f my sister 43f. 2016, my sister went no contact with family and me. Difficult not knowing if she's okay, why she left me.
Background: I idolised her growing up, but she was this "unattainable" friend because of her mental health issues. Would barely speak to me. I would knock, ask if she wanted to spend time together: Always rejected turned away. I never knew her because she was unwell.
Caused me to grow up feeling unloved and "not good enough." Parents were also neglectful towards us.
My sister and I tried living together just us in 2016. I thought living together would be great, I was so happy. I had given excuses for her neglect, always accepted her. "It's just her health, it's not me. She has problems, that's ok" - But after decades of this - I wanted things to change. I wanted to know her, and for her to know me.
2016, first six months of living together she neglected me, the usual. One day I felt upset, I thought maybe she would listen and be there for me at least. The first long conversation we had seemed great. Like we made progress, discussed some of our past. She was contributing and sharing about her life. I felt like she cared about me and us. Finally.
Later I tried going to her again for a supportive conversation. She said she's tired, couldn't talk - but this is what she said 99% of the time. This time I didn't accept it. For once in my life I said "No... Come and talk with me. I need to talk."
She seemed tired but talked, contributing her stuff and listened to mine. 3.5 hours passed. I was happy.
I saw it as putting my needs first and progress to help both of us. So this was the second long conversation we had in 2016.
The next morning she was gone. Gone without a word and I did not hear anything until 2024. 8 years no contact. I was devastated - it greatly affected my well-being. Made me unwell mentally. She never said a word to anyone in 8 years. No explanation. Years of wondering if she's ok/alive, what I have done to deserve this pain.
She replied to one of my emails only once in 2024. The reply has broken me. I don't know what to do. Told me I was too emotional, toxic. But I only wanted her to care about me. I put my foot down for her to show she cared and to come talk to me, I need her - but she left the next day. I had over-stepped her boundaries.
How can I feel ok about this? I never got the love I needed from my parents and my sister. All three of them don't want me even now.
