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Jealousy

Onex
Community Member

Hi beyondblue,

I'm in a situation where I just get nowhere. I've had issues with the way I look since I was a young girl (early 20's now). I am a new mum so my body has changed a lot. People tell me to embrace my mother's body but they just have no idea what I've been going through before becoming a mother. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my baby, I wouldn't change him for the world! I just feel very defensive now more than ever when my partner meets new women who have great "assets" and he seems to be so smitten with them. We get into so many arguments over it because he says I'm blowing it all out of proportion. Somehow all these women have cool lives that I feel like he wants but instead he's stuck with me. I'm also home all the time and have no finances of my own to meet friends or meet new people. I just feel so isolated and he's out there at work doing whatever he wants, having drinks after work etc. Call me silly, but I'd love some help to change my mindset about myself (especially) and the way I handle my partner and his "girl friends".

Thank you.

3 Replies 3

Dumped_confused
Community Member

Hey Onex,

The most honest thing I can tell you is that having a baby made me feel the exact same way.  I didn't battle with body issues prior the way that you have, but I lost some of myself once I became a mum. The isolation is crippling, yet the time with your precious baby is so important, it flys by and before you know it they're walking and talking and you get to play together.  I know I had people giving me the same advice and I told them all to get stuffed because I was in it, living in my isolation and what felt like total misery. My daughter is now 2 and I have a much better social life because my daughter has sleepovers at her dads and grandparents house, it gets easier.  As far as the jealousy goes, you have to value yourself, you've done an amazing thing by growing a baby! You aren't just a cool chic anymore, you're a cool mother!!! And those girls who you think are more interesting than you, probably wish to have what you have. I know I longed desperately to have a baby but didn't meet my partner till I was 35! So I would've been one of those girls admiring your family and wishing it for myself. Remember too that your little boy worships and needs you!! No one else matters!!! I wish you all the best Onex, your little boy loves you to pieces.

Hi Onex,

Dumped and Confused has nailed it. What a great reply.

Also please don't assume your man is straying unless you have proof. It's sad for friendly extroverted males to be themselves and be loyal only to be accused of smitting with other women. I'm very friendly with ladies. So much so most of my friends are women. My wife jokes about "your girlfriends" but trusts me 100%. It's that I blend better with women and have similar problem with men as women do...how they think and can be confrontational.

Tony WK

Thanks for the feedback Dumped&confused,

Honestly I have had some hard thinking to do as my partner and I have had the worst argument last weekend and I was left absolutely shattered. Although we have not split, he has threatened to take our son away from me if I don't change and is using the "emotionally unstable and not fit to look after him" card as I have self harmed in the past. I will never EVER do that sort of thing again, however I have no idea if his argument is valid as the last time was 2 years ago! Regardless, I will absolutely not have that happen to me. So I need to get my sh*t together in order for (if he threatens me again with that or we split up) my baby can stay with me. I said from the start that I wanted even time if anything should happen but now that I know his true colours that's not going to happen!