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JDM - Don't know what to do

JDM1
Community Member

My partner has been diagnosed with PTSD (with borderline tendencies), this was only in January this year & we've been together (currently spilt) for 2.5 years. His episodes started when we moved, we were only together for about 8 months when we decided too. He was receiving therapy and is on medication. His episodes did increased & unfortunately, some of these episodes were in front of my family. Since then they have had a very strong opinion of him & didn't want me to be with him. This also affected our relationship badly. I would speak about him to say that he was doing well, but they just didn't care/not supportive. We were to be married last year, i called the wedding off because i knew our relationship was not ready for that, we needed to address his situation first. We tried to work on getting him help, but he keep resorting to drinking & drugs, this was due to my families feelings to him also. He never wanted to speak to them about any of it, i had to "defend him" to them. My family were never supportive of the wedding (at first they were until they saw his mental illness side), & i think that also was a big part for me too, that they didn't care or want to be apart of it. I know they are looking out for me, but them not being supportive really hurt me too.

Obviously, the episodes directly affected me and i grew, i guess less attracted to him, which again, affected our relationship. This was just a continuing circle. all i did at the end of our relationship was try to push him to do his therapy work/go to therapy etc. and not drink/do drugs.

He called the relationship off a few months ago, because he believed he didn't love me. Currently, he says he still loves me, and wants me to move back in/tell my family that we are still seeing each other, because that makes him insecure that i haven't. I guess i haven't said anything because for the past 3 months, he hasn't helped himself (15 hour drinking sessions & most likely drugs) and i don't feel confident that he wants too, because unfortunately he has done this numerous times before - he tries for a few months, then he goes back to drinking/drugs. He is booked in to see a specialist that works with trauma/PTSD next week

How do i address this with my family, that i'm still seeing/helping him? Should i at this point?

I'm still confused & not sure what i want out of this relationship or if i want anything at all anymore because i'm scared it will go back to how it was.

Thanks

3 Replies 3

Guest_3256
Community Member

Good afternoon.

Welcome to the forum and reaching out her for support about your concerns. I image that you would be feeling very overwhelmed and there maybe a lot of feelings and emotions in their air. I like to be a bit black and white about things, so my apologies.

From what you have said, your partner has mental health difficulties and on top of this, it seems that both of your families have their own opinions regarding [his] health concerns and yours. Remember, that he is suffering from a health issue and this can be quite overwhelming for both the recipient and the partner and the stigma that some people place on others can be really daunting. He may be extremely stressed because of the stigma behind this. He may also feel that he isn't good enough, especially when others have frowned apon him.

This is something that only you two can resolve. You will need to reinforce him with support and tell him that you love and care for him and show him this by getting him through the next steps. His issues are yours as well as vice versa and that's what a healthy committed relationship is.

Keep strong and fight brave.

Guest_7403
Community Member
As someone who suffers PTSD and whose wife left only a few months ago this post certainly pulls on the heart strings.

She gave up on me and didn't believe I could get better and succeed in life.

I am actively proving her wrong to show her one day that she should of had faith in me.

People with ptsd dont think and react the same way as someone with more normal thought processes.

Theres a reason he drinks, uses drugs, cant face therapy.

It takes a strong partner to break down these walls, challenge them and push them.

Its not easy, but i feel if you love and believe someone you will stand by there side until they are strong enough to stand on there own.

People like your family that judge mental illness as a weakness are narrow minded and judgemental, as they too could be in the same situation one day from a traumatic experience that happens to them.

I feel for your, its very hard. But you still need to focus on yourself and make decisions best suited to you also.

Its a balancing act but can be achieved.

Theborderline.

I am sorry to hear of your harrowing situation and how difficult it must be to be treated that way. You sound like a caring and loving person who has accepted that we aren't perfect. Unfortunately, some people are not open, understanding and true at heart like we are, they are not empathetic, have no feelings/emotions and cannot love people in an appropriate manner like we can. In other words, some people are just narcissists who have no idea how to behave like a human being and accept that they are not perfect, so they enjoy putting others down to make themselves feel better. "Me me me me me, everything too damn hard!" You are a decent person who has lots of kindness, love and understanding so give yourself some positive credit and you deserve someone who can give you the same.