Issues with setting in-law boundaries

[nellie158]

Hi all,
This will be the first time I have posted on a forum. I am currently struggling with holding my ground when it comes to creating boundaries for my in-laws. We have had a few disagreements over the last few weeks due to my partner and I feeling like his family are over-stepping. There have been times in the past where we have tried to set boundaries, but I end up folding and making concessions so that I don't have to deal with negative reactions from my partner's family members. I have been told by my psychologist that I am a "people pleaser" so find these situations very uncomfortable. However, recently both my partner and I stood firm on something that was important to both of us. My partner ended up in separate arguments with his mum and sibling (the last thing I wanted) because they wouldn't respect it. The latter got very emotional about it and their response was that he was acting unlike himself and that he shouldn't bottle up his feelings and he should talk to them next time (this response make me feel very responsible for his behaviour despite him saying it was how he actually felt). I found it very frustrating because we had both tried to calmly make how we felt about this particular issue clear. His family seem fine with him now, but his parents seem icier towards me since.
I just wanted advice on ways to approach issues like this so that they won't end in conflict. Both my partner and I really enjoy spending time with our respective families, so I don't want this to change.

[nellie158]

Hi Tony,

Thank you very much for your reply -- I really do appreciate the advice

While your advice is great, these are things I already do. Often I encourage him to visit if he is in the area/going past their house. We go over together for dinners, coffee, etc. I tend to gravitate towards spending time and playing with her when we are there. I'm not always with him as sometimes he is just dropping in to lend a hand, and I like him to have the opportunity to spend with his family members separately to me also, as I do with mine.

Perhaps you are right though about leaving him to deal with it might be best.

Thanks!

[white knight]

Hi Nellie

Then I can't see much of a problem.

You are considerate towards your husband and that's important.

In time his family will chill a little more as the baby grows.
TonyWK