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Is it normal to not feel giddy in love with your partner?

Community Member

I've been married for 12 years and my husband keeps telling me that he is still crazy in love with me but knows I am not in love with him.

I love him but I don't have that giddy in love feeling anymore. Is this normal? Should I still be getting butterflies when I see him?

i do t want this to end but he thinks that maybe it's not what I want anymore and maybe my anxiety is because I'm not happy with him .

I am so confused and scared at the moment and I just wanted to see what everyone else thinks. I always thought it would be normal to feel the way I do but maybe I'm wrong ?

6 Replies 6

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hello lovely and welcome. ur not wrong. I have been married for 7 years with my hubby and i don't really get butterflies when i see him anymore. I see him as a best friend so to speak we are soulmates so i guess it's a different type of love one that you know is going to be eternal, so you just become comfortable with that. Things u both can do to try a spice things up if u feel up to it is try the whole dating thing again for Eg; write each-other little love notes and leave them all over the house, take showers together - maybe too forward lol 🙂 xx chase each-other round the house just be kids at heart again i know it sounds Kiddy but these things can really help a relationship rekindle itself. as for ur anxieties when they enter ur mind i need to you to fight them off even if you have to write them out onto paper tear them up and throw them away or burn them that way you are in control of them they no longer control you and turn ur world upside down that's what's this little monster can do distort every perception of reality you have. I hope this has brought some comfort to you take care and please do keep posting here if u feel the need to xx Venessa

Thank you so much, I've been struggling so much this year and I'm so confused. I am trying, I'm writing in a diary and trying to exercise and keep trying to push negative feelings aside and then a wave of anxiety washes over me and I am back to square one.

This year is the first where I have ever been worried about our marriage and it scares the hell out of me. I don't want it to end and I feel so bad for him.

Thank you again for your response.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
i'm sorry you have been struggling but from this point forward u don't have to anymore. This monster i call anxiety will try to plauge you if you feel you need more support and that u just can't shake it i would advise taking a visit to ur local gp and just have a chat with them u may just find urself with further referrals. i'm proud of you for what u have been doing to not let it control you, it's not easy to shake these feelings but i believe in you sweetheart you guys are going to get thru this you have reached a beautiful 12 yrs with eachother and i'm sure he wants nothing more than to see his beautiful wife happy and in love again. anyways here if you want to talk venessa

Thank you Vanessa.

My husband tells me that he is happy and madly in love with me the same as when we first met, but at the same time he is saying maybe I'd be happier with someone else.

When I tell him I love him he often brushes it off as if I don't mean it and talks himself down.

I personally think maybe he is a bit depressed too and needs to work out what's happening for him too.

He promised me a while ago that we could see a marriage counsellor and then changed his mind and said for me to just look after myself.

i do love him and I don't want our marriage to end I just wish I could get that loving desire back for him because he deserves it .

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Yes well maybe that is something u can bring up with him it would be nice to go together xx if he isn't comfortable with being a joint visit he can always reach out on his own accord there are plenty of options for him too xx thanks for coming back to me xx Venessa hope u have had a nice day with this beautiful sunshine xx 😘

Hi, this is known by some in the field of psychology as "the honeymoon phase", this happens in nearly every relationship, not that the love fades away, but them first stages of a relationship are when the body and brain are peaking with the feel good chemicals, like testosterone and serotonin. After this period you become accustomed to the feeling and it soon dies down a little bit. Everything will be okay. 😃