I need both a sounding boards and some advice, sorry if this rambles.
so about 1/3 of the way through last year I found out my wife of 28 years was having an affair with my oldest friend of 44 years who was best man at my wedding. They tried and still claim nothing happened , but I found through divorce docs/financial records and a bit of snooping that he’d booked 3hotels where she said she was supposedly seeing friends from interstate, no record of hotel charge, no cash out but all foods for 2 people paid for or reverse hotel paid and no food paid for.
This tore me apart and still does if I think about it to much as I not only lost my wife, but the other person who I thought I could trust and was a friend who called me brother, also totally betrayed me.
Her affair started after we had an argument where it was about 1am, I said “enough , I’m going to sleep in the study” she followed me down hallway screaming get back to bed, waking our kids up, o sat on bed in study, she grabbed me, yelling her back to bed , said “no your drunk”and pulled away. She then hit me in the left side temple/side of eye socket , I got up to move away, she then almost pushed me over, I yelled, “you don’t hit your partner,WTF are you doing” as I’m a bogish guy, when she tried to push me again, I held her arms down and just yelled at her again “to get out, you don’t ever hit me, if you want a divorce you’ve got it” she went to bed and I slept poorly in the study. Next day she came out with a packed bag and disappeared for 5 days. Over the next 14 months I tried to fix our marriage but looking back and at her bank records,Thin is when I believe it started, after that for 14 months until I found out about the affair , she was away one weekend a month and would go for”drives to relax or look at the ocean” for 3-7hrs 2-3 times a week. I believe a vast majority of these where to hook up with him.
Then I look back at the 14 months before I found out, and there where so many signs , I was stupid and gullible to miss them as I trusted these two.
I’ve now been seperated 9 months, most of the kids are living with me, the thing that grates is an”accidental”(prearranged) bumping into him by her when the kids are with her.
i haven’t told the kids yet ,but I don’t know when, how , how much or if I should tell them at all. I see some of the things she’s doing to one of my older kids in particular and I’m so close to blurting it all out as he’s feeling pain because of the ways she’s speaking and treating him.
