I miss my babies....

Guest_55213916

Single father of 2 girls aged 7 and 5. Long story short, High school sweethearts fell out of love after our second child, found out she was cheating on me on social media and traced it back to when it started when she was heavily pregnant with my second child, fast forward a few years and I haven't seen them in years. I feel this big gaping hole in my chest wont go away... I feel I need to improve on myself in areas where I failed in the relationship with my ex and kids but until that happens I feel her and her family will keep them from me until "i have gained their trust". I've been trying so hard to move on and better myself but this hole in my chest gets bigger with every though of them.... I long for my girls and I dont know what to do.

randomxx

So sorry man, been there. The good news is that n this country dads have every right to 50 50 custody, an ex can not keep his kids from him. Too many man still don't know this here and still going through hell like you.

And actually, as she screwed round on you you could actually get full custody if it went to court.

Nottttt, that we want this stuff in court far far better to get things on a working together terms with the ex.

l'm not sure where to start now in this was 15yrs ago for me, but at one point although l was trying v hard to keep things on good terms with ex for our parenting and the sake of our kids, l did have to threaten her with court once, l didn't want to and prayed it wouldn't come to that was hoping the mention of it would do it and thankfully she did wake up to herself. Also told her that dads had every right to 50 50, it all made me sick to the stomach but she'd lost the plot for a bit there and l couldn't see another way.

Check out the laws now and look into it all, it's sickening, but l'm sorry to say it's best to know your rights first.

Ofc , if you two can just get back onto working together terms for the kids and for you both, that's the best way by a million miles to go, thankfully we got back on track in that way and to this day still work really well together.

Do not go without your kids, it's soul destroying for you and for them not having their dad too. And for God sake, stop blaming yourself that your ex was unfaithful, she did that herself, not you , you weren't unfaithful no matter what else was going on.

Best of luck man , just say no , you are not going to not see your kids and your going to be the best dad you can even if it has to be part time.

All the best

rx

white knight

Hi, welcome

Yes, I know that feeling.

In 1996 I separated from my 1st wife and we had two girls 7 and 4yo. It broke my heart leaving that night but I knew I could no longer live with the woman that drove me near insane through cruelty. It was a gamble as I had to leave my kids and have them fortnightly which I did plus school holidays but the pain was still there as I'd lost my full time fatherhood and they their full time dad.

At12yo my eldest came to live with me and after a few years stopped seeing her mother. My youngest at 14yo stopped seeing me altogether for no given reason but I could see that her mother demonised me. I still dont see her.

So the pain is known. What I left out is relevant, one week prior to leaving the family home I made an attempt on my life. However, when my eldest got married 20 years later she thanked me for being in her life when I could have passed on at the time. My important as a father was endorced, so make sure you remind yourself how important you are to them as one day you will meet again.

My first priority in your situation is to - make yourself available to your children. If that entails having a lawyer to seek official visitations down the track so be it but initially if you can write a kind letter to your ex explaining how you would like to put the children first and hope she can join you in being cordial and friendly at kids swapping times, you'd appreciate that. Her family is not your concern imo, your kids are. Seeking trust is ok from her family but thats a time thing, you cant rush that. Put it aside.

In any communication with your ex resist talking about the past in any form, remember- only about the kids. Tell her you are willing to discuss finances with child support or any other potential issue and even better if she can meet with you without the children first over a cuppa and chat, ensuring her at all times you dont want to mention the past nor put pressure upon her. Explaining to the mother of your kids that you want an active father in the kids lives should be met with happiness not with reservation.

I hope that helps.

"Our kids grow quickly, once adults they seek out the parent that was missing. To live on hope they will fall into your arms is to be the best parent you can be because their dreams have always been of your open arms...."

TonyWK