I'm not sure if I can Trust my Girlfriend
I am struggling with insecurities with her mainly due to how often she looks and follows with her gaze at our workmate which she says she is not Perving but that's another issue.
Also when we we are shopping etc she often looks at guys to see if they are checking her out (she has also told me that she does this to see if she "still has it" , (she has low self-esteem but is very confident about her looks and it seems this may be what she does to give herself a boost.). She also thinks that just about every guy finds her Attractive.The issue I'm writing about today is something different.We also work with my 14 year old Cousin who is very shy (he is a "young' 14 who is extremely thin but with a very nice looking face). I told her (she is 37) about a couple of the innocent questions he had asked me about her and her reply was "oh does he have a little crush on me?' which I didn't think too much about as she could have thought it was cute.
But what my cousin told me recently has me concerned.
My girlfriend has a thing for V8 utes/cars, she said she is Attracted to guys who drive them as it is"an animalistic thing" and a "real male thing"
So my cousin just bought a V8 ute and he showed her the pics and she liked it and he told me that she said 'has it got a spare seat' and laughed. I know this could be innocent and a bit of a laugh to her but when I asked her if she said that she said no. I also know that she could have denied it because of all the questioning I have done to her previously, but later in the day i asked her about it again and she said She might have been starting to say (but she wasn't sure if she said it or just thought it) 'you could get a lot of girls with that car, but I would have sounded bad..so I may have said the seat thing to change the topic so it didn't sound so bad. She later said she didn't think she asked him that Question but was trying to think of 'possible ideas that may have happened'.
So my question are these. 1. Was the comment just a laugh. 2. Is she trying to get him thinking of her in a Sexual way to boost her ego. 3. Is she a Attracted to underage boys?
PS. I asked her again about the situation in the hope that she would admit her comment and that the comment was just a joke (it sounded like it may have been a joke as my cousin remembers them both laughing after the comment). I then asked her if she thinks that I would think she would be attracted to a 14 year old boy with a 10 year olds body (as I know she is into guy's bodies so I wouldn't think she would be attracted to such an underdeveloped body) and she said "you might think that if he had a nice face".
I'm not sure if you are asking the right questions. From the sound of it you are a person that needs a stable and supportive monogamous relationship
Do you think I'm on the right track?
Your GF is, as you say, happy with the idea of an open relationship and possibly interested a relationship with one of the same sex as well.
There is nothing wrong with these, however frankly it does not sound like the sort of person that suits your temperament, even if she is trying to play down her own possible inclinations out of care for you it sounds as if you are still in the throws of uncertainty, be it people in a a mall looking at her, her looking at a workmate or your cousin buying car.
I would think this may be bad for both of you, if she has to make allowances for your insecurity, and you have to go though the agonies of uncertainty and suspicion then neither of you are getting the best out of a supportive relationship between equals.
If you had confidence a 14 year old having a crush would mean little, it is natural at that age.
So my I ask you if you have some form of anxiety condition? And further if your have is it being treated properly by a GP and possibly therapist too?
Trying to go though life feeling this way with every fresh incident is no way to be.
I hope to hear from you again
Croix has given helpful suggestions and asked interesting questions.
I used to be accused of flirting when I was younger but I was just being friendly, I only had brothersDo I naturally felt comfortable talking with men . I don’t know how to flirt I was being friendly and chatting.
I would ask can you feel you can trust her ? If not every time you go out you will worry.
thanks for starting your post and feel free to keep discussing.
hi and welcome to beyond blue.
I don't really want to answer the questions from your initial post - partial conversations and what was said vs interpretations vs ??? could make you think one way that could easily be incorrect. Especially when you ask about the attraction to underage...
So it could have been for a laugh... teasing if you want it it that.
Saying "you could get a lot of girls with that car" might be been her way of building up you cousin. Whether that is the right way to go about it is another question altogether.
Is your GF trying to boost her own self-esteem? Possibly.
There are other questions that could be asked as well. But all of these questions or answers would likely ending with this...
Chat with her about your concerns and for your cousin vs asking whether she said X or Y. (My daughter skins gets red easily and it is not sunburn so when introduced to a new neighbour I have said quietly, not to talk to her about her skin because....) In a similar way you could be protective of your cousin.
Hope some of this helps.
Hi thanks for the reply you make some good points but I wasn't worried about my cousin having a crush on her, I think it's cute. I was concerned she was so liberal that she may have been Flirting because she likes underage boys or was Flirting to boost her ego which to me would be inappropriate with a 14 year old.
Hi DrummerBoy, the last question you've asked us is that yes she does like underage boys simply because it does increase her confidence, but yes it is inappropriate and between the age of 14 to 18 so much changes in their development, their likes and dislikes, careers and attractions and to wish this younger age is not really a mature option to choose.
Her feelings sexually is up to her and it's your decision whether or not you accept it.