I'm about to lose everything

[MummaF]

Im a mum of 2 beautiful girls 8 & 5 - been with my partner for 14 years. I have depression which was diagnosed just over a year ago and on medication for this. My partner has told me it's over due to some recent behaviours I have been displaying and been struggling with for maybe 2 years. I'm not passed as an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alcohol but I am a terrible binge drinker. My drinking over time had esculated in a sitting to the extreme that I am making horrible decisions. I am drinking alot in one sitting and taking it way to far. A while ago I started to party hard staying out all night etc and he dealt with it for a long time. I have male friends that at times the conversation has been inappropriate and just recently my partner has read some messages on my phone that has lead to this decision. While yes I had written something that was intended as a joke and I tried to explain the context of it but he isn't accepting it and questioning everything on my phone. My behaviours have taken it's toll on our relationship and recently I have resulted to some recreational drug use. I initially have lied to him about this and now he knows. I am on medication and the last year been seeing a psychologist which over time I think I checked out of. I'm losing control and trying to get my way back - already talked to my doctor about changing my medication, re booked my psychologist for an emergency appointment. I have also been looking at seeking a treatment stay somewhere but finding it difficult to find one here in adelaide. I need help and I can't lose my relationship. He says it's too late but i told him I won't give up without a fight. He is such an amazing father and has been incredible to me and it kills me to continue to self distruct when all I want is my family to stay together. I am willing to do anything to save my family. Please help!!

[MummaF]

I am trying to think of ways I can do just that to apologise in a way that maybe triggers a happy memory of us... I will find a way 🙂

[Guest_3256]

Good afternoon MummaF.

Welcome here to the forum and reaching out for support during this tough time and I imagine that you must be feeling overwhelmed, hurt and emotional. I want you to know that you are not alone and there is plenty of support for these difficulties situations.

First of all, you are so strong for coming here to talk about your difficult situation. Secondly, you have already shown yourself (just by your last response) that things can slowly turn around. Please do not stop seeking support and I want you to continue to commit to yourself and you partner. Usually after a 21 day period, things become a habit/ routine so please keep up you fantastic efforts.

Also, we are all human so know that the difference between you and a badly behaved person is that you have accepted responsibility for your inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour. So please continue your new self-improvement and show yourself and your partner why he deserves you...….if you know I mean.

Be strong, be brave.

🙂

Expert in human behaviour.

[MummaF]

Thank you Jsua. Today has been a hard day - very emotional. But I'm trying to stay positive. Unfortunately I know this will take time :(

I appreciate the support more then you know right now, as I have never reached out like this before so it's all very new.

[MummaF]

So many mixed emotions today. Sometimes I feel like I still have a chance and things seem so good but then I get the rug swept from under me... My head is all over the place.
Next Monday I'm going back to see my psychologist.. and I'm nervous because since I stopped going my world has shifted and I feel like im back to square one.