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I don't know where to start

unlucky_in-love
Community Member

Background: I am a single mother of 10 years that moved away from everyone and everything she knows due to violent threats from my ex husband. I stayed single for 7 years before even considering I was ready to enter a new relationship. I have a background of anxiety and a family history of mental illness including anxiety, depression, bipolar...

THEN: I found the man of my dreams, it took me so long to let him in, I explained previous relationship and the way that I react to relationship breakdown and how hard relationships are to me due to anxiety and the fear of 'everything not being okay'. He insisted he could handle anything and has helped me through some emotional times with work and family to which ive never got along with. for 2 years I've depended on him to pick me up when I'm down hes been there until 2 weeks ago. things took a turn for the worst, my constant worrying and need for reassurance has been plaguing him for some months now, with his telling me hes getting tired of it and hes exhausted, ive worn him down.

Now: Hes left, I'm spending numerous hours thinking of ways to repair the relationship to which he says he still loves me but doesn't know what to do. I don't have any friends or family where I am to go to for support and my child misses him dearly aswell. I spend hours agonising over whether I should just call to try and make things better and when I do hes unhappy ive contacted him but still satys he loves me but doesn't know what to do. Its emotional draining for me and in sheer moments of frustration ive broken it off with him completely only to go back on my word and seek his reassurance that he wants to make thing work and he say he doesn't know if they can, to which I ask do you want them to and he says yes but I don't know how.

He has told me he wants me to be the happy girl that didn't need him when we met but I actually need him more than ever right now, the lonliess could just about eat me up, then I ring again then he gets mad cause I haven't given him any space.

I don't know where to start or what to do

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi unlucky, welcome

A catch 22. A partner wanting space is not a good sign. Also, people, their mental health and other changes happen over time. You cant help it if that occurs. I mean, if you had a serious injury physically would he say "I want you to do what you used to do like hiking and running".

I think it comes down to lack of devotion. By drifting away imo the only way you'll sirvive emotionally is to distract your mind. Get it busy.

Google

Topic: distraction and variety- beyondblue

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Good luck

Post anytime

Tony WK

I know that him wanting space is not a good sign and nor is his avoidance/ neglect of the way I'm feeling, its ridiculous but it almost makes the panic about it worse, I feel desperate for something to change and I feel hung up on his "I still love you" even though so many other negatives are being pointed out. It actually doesn't help saying it out loud it kinda almost makes me like myself a little bit less for knowing the truth but feeling hopeless to change it to the outcome I don't want.. if that makes sense. I read the pages you recommend and I can agree in this instance I feel as though this can not be at rest until I have achieved an outcome, and in my views their are only 2 one being break up and never speak again, the second being come home and work it out. It seems the other half has another outcome which is just let it be and maybe it will all be okay... MAYBE??? that's not an outcome, that's more like a question to me, so I spend pointless hours and hours and hours trying to come to a result that this maybe means, but its still not correct, I'm so upset/ lonely/ frustrated/ like having a huge kid tantrum nearly... sometimes you just need a hug