I don't know if i should break up with my boyfriend

sheero · ‎04-04-2018

my relationship with my boyfriend is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety....

I have known him for a little less than a year...things pretty moved on quick because my boyfriend wanted to have a baby as soon as possible....

my visa was coming to an end so the question of marriage was always hanging over our heads especially because we did plan to get married eventually...

he however kept changing his mind about this....i told him to make up his mind about it but every time he would change his mind again...this caused me to have lots of anxiety....my boyfriend is very indecisive....i have always known that because he never can make up his mind about anything

we eventually did book a marriage date...he said he was afraid of his friends and parents reactions....eventually when he did tell them things went sour ....

he decided that we should not get married and that he does not wanta baby anymore...we are still together but am not happy yet I love him soo much it's causing me pain and sleepless nights . ...he has since become distant and emotionally unavailable ...he doesn't want us moving in anymore....

he also has this female friend whom they have always had flings whenever both of them are not in relationships

they are very close and chat all the time...he even sends her money when she asks for it....

he says it's all nothing but friendship but this bothers me as I think they are each other's back up plans...

his lady friend and the fact that he is indecisive is driving me crazy....everyday i think of breaking up with him but I love him so much.. ...

it annoys me because am in my early 30s and such stuff shouldn't bother me...i have developed bad anxiety because of this relationship ...

I know I should quit but am afraid i will regret it

monkey_magic · ‎04-04-2018

Hi Sheero,

I'm also in my 30's and I too am wondering what you should do about your predicament. You seem to be leaning towards breaking up with him but you also say you love him so much. Love is a funny thing isn't it. I'm also seeing an indecisive man and I'm indecisive about him and I also love him but not as much as I love myself so the question is what's best for your interests. His already shown that he's unreliable and changed face when his friends and family got involved. I would personally feel like i'm second best and I too would question the relationship and would want to break it off. So far you have someone else's opinion and I hope others can join in and give some support or advice. If you want to mend the relationship perhaps you can both see a councillor together and lay all of the expectations on the table and see if he puts you first, if not it's his loss.

All the best

sheero · ‎07-04-2018

I ended up breaking up with him.....

am so heart broken right now....

the wierd thing is that the anxiety is gone.....but am just so heart broken right now

IsaJett · ‎07-04-2018

Hi Sheero

It takes guts to do what you did...to recognise something is not working ...that you are not happy with it and you end it. So I applaud you .

I was in love with my ex partner for way too long...I didn't know any better...I did not see the signs. I was unhappy and did not see the signs ...maybe I just didn't want change and got stuck into it ...even sticking it through an affair for way too long.

I left the marriage after 14 years...the pain is inevitable but trust that it gets better over time.

The fact that you no longer feel anxious is definitely a positive sign.

Keep smiling ...sweetie 🙂 we are all here for you

Keep in touch

monkey_magic · ‎07-04-2018

Hi Sheero,

That's to be expected hun but u will get better. This will pass one day as it did for me when I went through heartbreak...if u feel u made the right decision than stick to it. The heartbreak won't be forever. I rem losing the anxiety after breaking up with my first boyfriend too...I got through the heartbreak then felt free and became happy n strong....

I find writing down a list of pros n cons helpful. And if the cons outweigh the pros u have made the right decision ...and if u want him back keep looking at the cons list and think of the bad.