I'd love some help

[sum891]

Hi guys this is my first post on here but i really need some suggestions and people to understand and know my problem. Just after New Years my mum signed me up for ballet and i never wanted to do it ever. Its really embarassing and scary because i’m the only boy in the class. Its giving me bad anxiety and just real bad time. Plus the stretching and assisted stretching in ballet is so painful and the girls in my class just laugh and push harder, or make fun of me. That makes me feel trapped and terrible. I was wondering if anyone knew what i should do? Or how to deal with the pain from the bad stretching. Thanks guys id really appreciate your help.

[Croix]

Dear Sum91~

I'd like ot welcome you here to the Forum and am glad you came, you sound as if you need some support.

Both boys and girls do ballet, and normally it is for one of two reasons, they were told to by their parents, or they loved ballet (and probably had to nag their parents to pay for the lessons.)

If you love ballet it comes though and rest of the troop wil see that and admire, not poke fun. The stretching will be a means to an end - an end you want, and when you dance you are in another world.

That does not sound like you. I'm afraid you are there due to parental  influence  

I guess you can simply outright refuse (a pretty hard thing ot do) , giving reasons as you have above  and see if you can deal with the  storm or disappointment you mother has. You can offer to do some gym work if she is concerned about your heath.

I would suggest to see a doctor to find out if those stretching exercises have done you any harm, and if so this would be an excellent way of stopping.

Finally the dance instructor should be keeping better control of the group, with proper discipline and not allow teasing and cruelty. 

Is this something you are facing on your own, or do you have another family member or friend who can lend you support?

Please know you can come back and say more

Croix

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

Thanks for your post, I’m sure you will get a lot of different perspectives here on the forums.

I grew up doing ballet and gymnastics and we did a lot of stretching and conditioning. I remember I was so sore the next day, I could barely walk up the stairs! It seems to be normal to be sore afterwards, especially if you’re still getting used to it and building strength and flexibility. Since you’re new to ballet, I think it makes sense. Although if you’re concerned, then maybe you should consider asking your doctor for some advice. If however, you’re pushing your muscles too hard, I would suggest to try not to overextend yourself, as you could get injured. 

My advice would be to put a heat pack on sore muscles to lessen the pain. It should go away quickly after that. But of course, follow the heat pack instructions. 

I’m sorry to hear the other girls teasing you. It’s not nice and certainly isn’t ok. Have you spoken to your dance teacher about the discomfort it’s making you feel? Hopefully they can help and perhaps separate the girls. 

Also, have you spoken to your mum about how you have never wanted to do ballet? I think she should consider what you genuinely want to do since it sounds like you were forced into this. I hope this will be warmly received. 

Who knows, you may grow to enjoy the sport. Many boys do ballet professionally and it’s quite a beautiful style of dance in my opinion. If you still don’t like it, that’s totally ok. I hope you find a passion that you do really enjoy and pursue that instead. 

Hope everything gets a bit better. I appreciate your honesty in reaching out. 

[therising]

Hi sum891

I can't help but wonder what led your mum to sign you up for ballet lessons. It might help to get into her head and gain a sense of where she's coming from. Maybe she did it based on ballet promoting mental discipline, certain physical abilities, group/troupe co-operation, a sense of confidence or perhaps she was inspired by the movie/stage show 'Billy Elliot'. Has she ever told you why she signed you up?

While my 23yo daughter was solely devoted to dance (ballet, tap, jazz and hip hop for a number of years when she was younger), she loved it. When I was young my mum signed me up for a number of different things to try. It was a trial and error process, to see what suited me and what I enjoyed in the way of personal development as a kid. I found a lot of things I didn't like. Same went for my brother and sister with the trial and error process. My brother ended up enjoying Judo and my sister love calisthenics. As a mum, I'd say a parent has to gain some sense of what is in their child's nature to enjoy and thrive through. I'm wondering whether you have any ideas when it comes to your nature and what you'd enjoy. If you can honestly say 'Ballet is definitely not related to my nature but this is...', suggesting what that is to your mum may lead her to consider something other than ballet. Whether you love dance but just not ballet as your desired form of dance, you could explore what else the dance studio has to offer. If you're more of and artist, art lessons may be your thing. If you've ever wondered about soccer, maybe that could be something to consider. Maybe some form of martial arts could offer some interesting disciplines. 

Could your mum have perhaps picked what will end up being something you enjoy but you just can't see that far down the track yet? Could you end up being more flexible, end up being outstanding in a good way (beyond standing out as the only boy in the class), end up being part of a great group that needs to be taught a few lessons on inclusiveness? If you can honestly say 'No, this is a form of torture (that's leading me to incredible anxiety) and will always feel like a form of torture as long as I'm doing it', it could pay to say to your mum 'Please stop torturing me like this'. While some stress or nervousness is normal when beginning something new, a serious and deeply concerning degree of anxiety needs addressing.

Wishing you only the best as you work out who you are through what you love doing 🙂