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I cant bottle it up anymore.

No_worries
Community Member
This is the first time using a platform like this. I've never realy been a talker. Im not sure were to start. Maybe ill try from my childhood. I moved around a lot with my mother i never met my father he bailed while my mother was pregnant. Sorta still stings probably shouldn't. My mum was a drunk and very volatile. She had a lot of bf's and i dont blame her for trying to find happiness. But her decision to have drunks for bf's brought its own poison. Ive been chased with an axe. Shot at. Watched her get beaten and the list goes on. at this point as a child in grade four. Snapped ive broken one mans arm antagonized them to attack me instead even drove her drunk ass home once or twice. Obviously i resented her for making me violent and untrusting. I left home at 14 moved in with a lady who was friends with my mother for many years. She helped me through school but that came with its own problems being short tempered and angry didnt help. I was lucky to have a principal who understood my background. I eventually finished in year 10 got a well paying job. But with the money i drank did drugs and met a lot of women but i could never settle. The idea of being in a relationship disgusted me. In saying that i met a girl when i was 8. I eventually started dating her in highschool i wont go into detail but it didnt work out. I eventually spiraled from drink driving and having some bad crashes in and out of lockup from fighting. Fourth dui the judge said i was going to jail. I freaked out and put in for enlistment into the ADF he gave me one last chance. So i joined and thats a whole other story. While i was close to discharge i met a woman who made me feel things i didnt know i could and she never gave herself up even with my A game she was by all definitions a lady. I knew i loved her because i had no interest in other woman and she was on my mind all the time. Ive won awards for marksmanship but after meeting her i began to slip and loose focus. So instead of reinlisting i left. Three months after first date i asked her to marry me she said yes. We have a beautiful baby 4 month old girl now. im very successful in my job. But i now find her not talking to me she is angry sad and everything seems like its failing. I feel like a failure as a husband and father i work long hours and i love my daughter so mutch but im strugling to bond i dont talk about my past and i think all those bottles are breaking or broken im lost and not sure how to fix myself.
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Zooming past to say thankyou for the poem.....

Words I needed to hear xox