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Husband left unexpectedly

jojo05
Community Member

4 months ago my husband came completely out of the blue and told me he didnt love me anymore and wants a divorce. I was completely shocked and confused. We have had problems in the past but have worked through them and we were having some small issuse then, mostly because of our work loads, but it wasnt some thing that couldnt be fixed and nothing that would come to this happening.

I asked him why he felt like that and he told me he didnt now, it just happens, we grew apart, our marriage fizzled, things changed from our last problems and so on, seemed to me he was coming up with any old excuse. I dont believe this happens for no reason so i did my own investigations.

I found out he had been doing alot of stuff behind my back while he was at work, he had a secret facebook page, he added friends from his past (mostly females) that i had never heard of or ever met and he was meeting up with them, and i was clueless to all of it. I couldnt believe it, it was like he was living another life without me.

He moved out 4 days later and has been living a whole new life like me and our marriage ment nothing.

We have stayed in contact, although it has become less now and i seem to be the one that contacts him first, and most contact is by text.

i believe he left me to be with someone else but he denies it, he has joined singles sites, which he denies and he has been really secretive and lies alot like he has things to hide.

He has had mild depression for as long as ive known him but has dealt with it pretty well. After he left he says his depression had come back and he had things in himself he had to sort out. Well all of a sudden he is feeling so much better now that he doesnt feel guilty about anything he had done and why should he, so he things, (apparently a councillor said he shouldnt) obviously thats what he was depressed about and so he should who does the things he was doing, he makes me feel as though im to blame for him being depressed.

The past few months have been horrible, ive had to move to my mothers in another state because i was struggling financilly he has left me to deal with everything, i even had to pack his stuff.

i still love him and miss him heaps even after all the BS he has done. I cant believe how clueless i was to any of the things he was doing, its like i mean nothing to him and it was so easy for him to walk away even though the things that were wrong could have been fixed.

 Ive never felt this worthless in my life ever.

 

13 Replies 13

You do make some great points Apollo.

I have wondered if husbands or even wives that do this regret their decision to walk out on their marriages, i do have my doubts that he will because i think there are people that have alot of influence over him, especially his family and this mate he has.

i do in someways think we could fix the problems in our marriage, with alot of work of cause, but he doesnt see things from myside at all, its all about what he feels and thats it, but also in saying that it would take me sometime to be able to trust him again and at this stage if he did say he wanted to sort it out i really dont think i could, i have alot of things to sort out within myself first, my insecurities and anxiety have been a problem in our marriage and i really need to sort them out before even considering it or any relationship really.

 

 

 

 

pipsy
Community Member
Dear jojo05.  You were asking if husbands and wives ever regret decisions to abandon their marriages.  I think, by the time they leave, it's probably inevitable sometimes.  Some spouses as I said earlier, dream constantly about the romance they think they're missing out on.  They see couple in the movies, or read books about couples constantly making love, never arguing etc.  This is pure fantasy, but to some people, it's Gospel.  They see it and want it without accepting it's movies, fantasy.  With your spouse reconnecting with a former gf, he's conveniently forgotten why they originally broke up.  Fb is full of people wanting to 'connect' with a 'pretty face' they see, without looking beyond to see what, if anything they might have in common.  They then lie to each other about their home situation, frequently telling whoever, they're single.  They spend hours telling fb connections how much they 'love' whoever they're talking to.  Even suggesting marriage after 5 minutes of chatting.  It's all a big con and fantasy.  If this is your hubby's idea of 'real life', he's in for one Hell of a shock when he wakes up and realizes what he threw away.  Unfortunately, by then it could be too late for him.  I am so sorry for you that you've found out the way you did, rather than him admitting he was 'cyber cheating'.   Now he's gone to chase his dream.  As was already stated, if he does come back tail between his legs, how long before the nightmare starts again.  I would be very cautious about reconciliation.   

slh
Community Member

Hi. It's been a couple of days since your post.  I hope today is a little easier on you than at the time of your post. 

I can relate to a lot of what you were feeling. Today i am having to face the fact that my husband doesn't want me. Not sure what to do or where to turn. 

Anyway, im glad i found your post. It helps knowing that others have been / are going through similar. 

 

 

jojo05
Community Member

Hi slh,

Im glad my post has been useful to you in someway 🙂

I have good and bad days, today being one of those bad days unfortunately, i havent heard from my hubby for a week now, which is unusal because we've stayed in touch the whole time we've been separated but im staying strong because im usually the one that contacts him so im trying to leave it up to him this time, whether he does or not I'll have to see i guess.

Im so sorry that you are going through the samething, its heartbreaking to hear that so many of us go through the same thing. You've come to the right place people on here are really supportive and give some great advice.

By you saying that you can relate to my post has your husband also came completely out of no where with what he has told you?

Feel free to talk about it and say how your feeling because it really helps 🙂