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Husband left and didnt tell me

Community Member

I am absolutely gutted, we were out friday night my husband walked into the kitchen and told me in front of others he fell in love with another woman. then saturday we talked and he came home drunk at 330am.

he has mental health issues and i thought we were getting somewhere yesterday but about 6pm his entire persona changed and shut down so i assume the other woman had been in contact.

I left the house this morning and came back to coat hangers on the floor in our wardrobe

i then msg him to ask if he left and he said yes, for a few days to figure out what he wants

i feel like my insides have been ripped out

I have no idea where to go from here

This man has been my life for 20years

I am trying to hold it together for our kids because i have no idea what to tell them but honestly dont know if i can anymore

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Sorry to hear the news. It is devastating and you have every reason to feel shock about it.

Often partners dont have the courage to face things nor the person they're leaving, this means they are elusive and you have to chase them for answers you deserve. Throw in the "other woman" factor and you have a guy that is embarrassed and wants out in the smoothest possible way. Unfair as that is on you.

The shock period hasnt had time to process, so that will take some time, months maybe. There is little one can do in this period of grief so it's best to actually do nothing! just chill and let that process take its course.

Once that has gone and you begin to recover, by this time visitations with your children and their father have settled down hopefully, a divorce might be pending so closure is coming and you'll begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel. From there on the real recovery takes place with rebuilding your life. We have many members here to help you with that.

Clearly you husband has wandered and he is responsible for his affair. Thats where 90% of the blame lies - a lot less that the "other woman" imo.

Your children will adjust in time, they are resilient as I was told when my marriage split and they were 7 and 4yo. It isnt ideal but thats the way it is. Soon they'll look forward to their visits at dads place. To keep open the communication lines with your husband in terms of the childrens needs.

So, in summary, we are here for you to chat whenever you want/need us.

I hope that helps and repost when ever you like.


Community Member

Hi Jessm82, I am very sorry to hear this. The same happened to me, in 2016, my husband walked out the door and that was the end of our marriage, without any warning or conversation.

Is your husband been treated for his mental health? Has he done this before? If, say, for example, it's mania, would he come back to you after he has calmed down somewhat? I've heard stories similar to this.

Do you have any support around you?

Community Member

Hi Jessm82.

I want to let you know that you are really strong and compassionate for reaching out her for support, especially in these tough times. I experiences the same issue loss over 10 years ago and I want you to know that things will be easier, no matter which way you go from her. This is going to be hard but at the same time, keeping yourself in check and focusing on you will be your main priority moving forward.

I don't like telling people if they should fight or fly in this instance, however, what every choice you make, you need to make you the most important person right now. Get some support if you haven't already through friends, family, professionals and try to motivate yourself every day, even though this is something no one should ever experience.

Anyone who treats their partner like this is in no way healthy - that's a given. We cannot diagnose him on here even though his choices to do so will in most cases stem from bad behaviour, the question is, how much do you value yourself for putting up with this form of abusive and inappropriate behaviour for him to start going off and playing with others? Truth be told, he is living a fantasy which is an indication of a personality illness.

Bottom line is, you need to focus on you know, weather or not he values you as a person and his Wife, this is your life and you will be better tomorrow than the way he left you.