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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Wiggle Lost and lonely
  • replies: 6

Hey Everyone, First time poster here, I am a mother of 3 kids, 2 grown boys and a daughter aged 8. Over the years life has, to say the least, been less that kind and I have found myself very lost and lonely. I have recently moved to a new town and do... View more

Hey Everyone, First time poster here, I am a mother of 3 kids, 2 grown boys and a daughter aged 8. Over the years life has, to say the least, been less that kind and I have found myself very lost and lonely. I have recently moved to a new town and don't really know anyone. All I seem to do is work and come home. I don't have any friends to go out with and I have no hobbies and no life outside of work. How does one drag their butt of of this funk? I must say drinking has not helped. It has just given me something else to fix.

Bulus_Shabbaz Sometimes understanding, sometimes not
  • replies: 1

I find even my friends and relatives, at times, are very loose and inconsistent with their tolerance for my mental illnesses. It is my experience that they tend to switch between compassion and scorn on a whim. One moment someone will be understandin... View more

I find even my friends and relatives, at times, are very loose and inconsistent with their tolerance for my mental illnesses. It is my experience that they tend to switch between compassion and scorn on a whim. One moment someone will be understanding of a set of behaviours as a symptom of my conditions, then when addressing the same behaviours in another instant, they will treat me like I am a "bad person". I suppose there could be a series of factors that I am not considering, but the end result is their inconsistent behaviour is doing more harm. That being said, that kind of inconsistency is also a common symptom of certain mental illnesses. I myself am aware that my mental and emotional state can cause me to lash out and say some pretty hurtful things to people, and I go to a lot of effort to keep my behaviour and words in check. When I do lash out, I make sure to apologise and seek penance to rectify the situation. I feel like I am constantly apologizing for my mental illness. However, I tend to find the people in my life who are not diagnosed with mental illness seem to not be expected to keep themselves in check to the same degree. I don't know, I am just venting.

Bendigo1955 Lonely and don't know anyone.
  • replies: 9

Hi, not sure how to copy anymore and would like to hear from others who may be in the same boat. Am over 60, live in Bendigo and don't know anyone, am very lonely and want/need to chat with others who are feeling the same way. I know It's very diffic... View more

Hi, not sure how to copy anymore and would like to hear from others who may be in the same boat. Am over 60, live in Bendigo and don't know anyone, am very lonely and want/need to chat with others who are feeling the same way. I know It's very difficult at the moment but what is everyone else doing to keep from feeling down? How does one get to know/meet new people when places are limited/closed? Being alone is generally not an issue for me as I do enjoy my own company, BUT times have changed as I feel very isolated and sad many times a day. I hope to hear from anyone, with suggestion as to how I can break out of this depression or hopefully meet/make some new friends. Thanks for reading.

yep2 Dumped by my pregnant ex
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I sadly have no many people to rely on locally as I move to Australia for university a while back. I met this girl who I felt deeply in love with in not a long time, few months later she came pregnant and I was so insecure as my incom... View more

Hello everyone, I sadly have no many people to rely on locally as I move to Australia for university a while back. I met this girl who I felt deeply in love with in not a long time, few months later she came pregnant and I was so insecure as my income here as a student is really low but not long after I was fully convinced of having it as I love her and she really wanted it. After almos 3 months of pregnancy she became really unstable emotionally and start having doubts about having the child and like this she change her mind twice so she took me on that emotional roller coaster too. Now she is about to do abortion and doesn’t want me to be part of it and it’s better if we donde see each other ever again. A fair bit of this happens I guess because of the fact that I don’t know her for that long and I started feeling I have now idea who I’m dealing with. It’s so hard to understand why she is pushing me away in situations like this where we should stick together and she is gonna suffer and I want to support here, but she just want me away and I totally respect everything she decides. Now I find myself really depressed and anxious been smoking loads of cigarettes which I usually don’t do but I helps abut, I’ve tried reaching a few friends and family over the phone but every morning I wake up I feel like I have nothing to live for at the moment and thankfully don’t have the balls to take my life away (which I know it’s ridiculous because I’ve been single before and had a really good time as well as really bad relationship and got better after too). some tips and thought to get myself around to get over this and be strong would be much appreciated thanks

Lps78 Cross roads decision
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I’m a 42 currently married woman with 2 beautiful children and 1 adorable dog. I’ve had issues with my husband over a few years. We’ve had marriage counseling before and he’s seen a couple of cousellors over the years for his issues. Recent... View more

Hi there, I’m a 42 currently married woman with 2 beautiful children and 1 adorable dog. I’ve had issues with my husband over a few years. We’ve had marriage counseling before and he’s seen a couple of cousellors over the years for his issues. Recently something happened that triggered me and all I could think of “again?! How stupid am I?” I confronted him about it (which was a big deal for me who used to leave the elephant in the room untouched!) he denied it saying that the person made it up or had interpreted it wrong ...... similarly to what happened on a couple of other occasions over the last few years. I don’t believe him at all and this time I feel I’m at a cross roads decision and i can feel it starting to take a toll on me. The sad thing is that I believe he needs more specialized help because it seems he has an altered sense of realty - so when he defends himself it actually feels like he fully believes what he is saying. Ive suggested and encouraged him to to talk to friends and seek extra help and things but I know I’m too close to him for it to hit the mark..... his realty is his truth after all... In the meantime half of my brain has now effectively left the relationship as I’m in protection mode and I’m focusing on my job, my kids and myself. I feel like I have already started the grieving process. I guess I would just like to share these thoughts and wonder how I can broach the topic of “us” again. I’ve already got a lot of information on separation and understand the basic process. Secretly I wish he would pull the pin and leave only because it would easier on me (and I know that that a cheats way out). I’m not a confrontational person by nature, my fighting is done by way of silence and withdrawing and I can feel it soo much right now. I have a couple of friends who are amazing supports much love to everyone

Laurenlexi33 Just need help
  • replies: 17

I’m dealing with extreme anxiety panic and just all round uneasy. At the moment. I have a finance and a 17 month daughter. my fiancé has been laid off work ( we don’t qualify for benefits) and the work load now has been put all on me. I have been car... View more

I’m dealing with extreme anxiety panic and just all round uneasy. At the moment. I have a finance and a 17 month daughter. my fiancé has been laid off work ( we don’t qualify for benefits) and the work load now has been put all on me. I have been carrying us financially for years on and off, his had hard a rough time securing employment. At the moment our relationship in the past 6 months has deteriorated, he has becomes extremely selfish, has been gambling, sleeping all day and is no help to me at all. I feel like im working for nothing, then I look at my Daughter and it breaks my heart. I’m struggling with sleeping, eating and having this constant feel of worry and anxiety/panic his ruining us financially and I believe I am being financially abused. He got access to Some money and spent it all on himself. He also gaslights me when we fight he puts a lot of the blame on me , he has lied about things and says it’s my fault for being a nag or complaining and worrying about money . And even stole money I stashed away for emergency this was a few months back. I absolutely don’t trust him! The trust is broken god only knows what he does that I don’t know about. before all this he was a loving attentive partner , romantic even. Him being off work on and off through the past years has changed him. We have a massive morgage and that burden has now landed on me. I worked up until 39 weeks pregnant, and had to rerun to work when she was 6 months old coz he couldn’t find secure work. We don’t hug , kiss or show any signs of love. But he will ask for sex. It makes me sick I am hating my life , I hate the way i feel inside. I hate that i feel trapped. i Feel like I have been ripped off in being a mum having to work Heavy hour weeks. I’m exhausted and just every part of me physically and emotionally Is broken. to leave isn’t easy, as I can’t handle the thought of being away from my small child that also gives me extreme anxiety and fear. anyway I just needed a vent, and whoever is reading this I appreciate it x

Guest_342 Relationship blues
  • replies: 7

Hello. i wanted to ask - do you think there's something odd or selfish about me that i'm coming to realise that I'm perhaps not suited to romantic relationships? I'm at the end of another 5/6 month relationship and I'm just reflecting on the similari... View more

Hello. i wanted to ask - do you think there's something odd or selfish about me that i'm coming to realise that I'm perhaps not suited to romantic relationships? I'm at the end of another 5/6 month relationship and I'm just reflecting on the similarities in how My previous relationship have made me feel and consequently ended. I am fiercely independent and earn a comfortable living, own my own home, and have live alone for many years. When my ex-fiance moved into my home years ago, I felt an overwhelming desire for my own space again and to set my own life goals and achievements. The older I get (I'm mid 30s), the harder it is for me to consider sharing my life with someone - I feel so selfish. I met someone earlier this year, who seems lovely and wanted to be totally committed to me, but I kept seeing the little flaws instead of the good things and again was feating having to share my life. I want to have a baby but on my own. I simply don't think I can handle all the challenges that a relationship presents. When people ask me why I want to end things with them and really push for a reason, I never have anything to say. I suppose I just try to say something that could reduce the risk of them thinking they did something wrong - I hate hurting people. Are there other people like me in this regard? Is my reason for ending things with someone legitimate/fair? Right now there's a guy feeling very hurt and confused.

Tomo1 Miscarriage Support
  • replies: 3

Hi, My wife and I have recently found out she has had a miscarriage, she was still very early on in pregnancy but it was planned. This was our first attempt but she never had a doubt that anything like this would happen. She doesn’t want to tell anyo... View more

Hi, My wife and I have recently found out she has had a miscarriage, she was still very early on in pregnancy but it was planned. This was our first attempt but she never had a doubt that anything like this would happen. She doesn’t want to tell anyone and barely talks about it with me, but has spent the last week swinging from saying she doesn’t care and she’s ok to non-stop crying and not speaking at all. She has also said she never wants to try again as she never wants to go through this again. At this point it hasn’t affected me, I felt a slight sense of loss but I think I was a lot more aware that complications might occur so I haven’t taken it badly. I feel guilty for not feeling worse in a way and am unsure of how to help my wife deal with her feelings. Has anyone else been in this situation and has any advice? Thanks

Confused_mum_of_3 No income of my own or access to my husband’s money... what are my options if I leave him, we have 3 kids
  • replies: 7

My husband and I are at breaking point.. we have 3 kids ages 6,4 and 1. There are so many things that I don’t even know where to start... but what led me to here was looking at my options. I am a full time uni student, the only payments I receive are... View more

My husband and I are at breaking point.. we have 3 kids ages 6,4 and 1. There are so many things that I don’t even know where to start... but what led me to here was looking at my options. I am a full time uni student, the only payments I receive are the family tax benefit of $233 per fortnight.. my husband transfers $350 a week to me. I am responsible for all our groceries, childcare fees, Foxtel account, my phone bill, my car/fuel/expenses and other miscellaneous things.. I struggle week to week to make ends meet. I have hoped for many years that we could work through our issues, but now the kids are getting older and impacted by his behaviour and the breakdown of our relationship. For a long time I have thought once I graduate and am working again I can save up and leave. But now I am becoming really worried about our kids.. more days now now than not I need to just leave.. what I am wondering is what services are available to help me financially? I want to try and keep things as amicable as possible, money has always been a tense issue, and I could see him getting very nasty. I know legally I would be entitled to him to financially support us, but he won’t make it easy and I don’t want to make him angrier and for him to hold it against me and ultimately for the kids to be affected. He has been verbally abusive and aggressive, he has never physically “hit” me but has pushed me, slammed doors on me, thrown things at me, held me down by my chest, I am just over 5ft tall he is around 6ft towers over hurling abuse at me, often raising his fist.. this has gone on for our entire 13 year relationship.. it is particularly bad when he is stressed and of course when he drinks. Which is often.. I feel so incredibly selfish having these 3 beautiful kids to him when I knew what he was like.. he has made steps to change over the years but nothing ever really sticks.. I’m so conflicted about what to do. He does it now with the kids to a lesser extent but it breaks my heart.. but I feel like at least while we are here I can protect the kids from him whereas if we are apart and the kids come here I can’t be there to moderate and “fix” the things he says and does..there are so many more things, he is abusive to our dogs, and I worry if I leave that I can’t take them too.. he has recently started taking medication and I truly hoped it would help to moderate his feelings, but he has been drinking way too much to have benefited from them..Thanks for listening xx

Joey28 Desperation mother with 14yr old daughter!
  • replies: 4

My 14yr daughter is sexual active. She had a scare that she might be pregnant but she wasn't. She still trying her hardest to be with this boy who by the sound of it trying to offer her the world but they are both young. It's been the last 6mths or m... View more

My 14yr daughter is sexual active. She had a scare that she might be pregnant but she wasn't. She still trying her hardest to be with this boy who by the sound of it trying to offer her the world but they are both young. It's been the last 6mths or more that she has been showing signs or withdrawal and being absent. She starts crying for no reason and often is having panic attacks. Her mood can turn from being happy one minute to rather depressed the other. She gone to lying and making up stories that are far from the truth. I don't want to give up on my girl I love her very much but I just don't know what else to do.