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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Kkk78 I'm depressed & my husband says it's best for kids if I live elsewhere.
  • replies: 2

I am 42 years old. Married for 15 years with 4 children. I am also a recovering drug addict of almost 2 years. I started using drugs when I was 36 after my husband 'accidentally' cheated on me with my best friend. my addiction took a pretty good hold... View more

I am 42 years old. Married for 15 years with 4 children. I am also a recovering drug addict of almost 2 years. I started using drugs when I was 36 after my husband 'accidentally' cheated on me with my best friend. my addiction took a pretty good hold of me and I did change I became distant and I was extremely angry and most of that anger went towards him. We started fighting a lot and got bad, not violent but at times I scared the kids because I'd be yelling at him or just had the shits. It wasn't a nice household to live in some days - I was using drugs and I was also extremely depressed - so when I was down that's when all my emotional needs came out too and I was stuck in the past - I hadn't moved on from his betrayal and I think he pretty well had just had enough of hearing the word like "trigger, trauma" He switched off emotionally to me it feels. so here we are today. I'm clean and sober 2 years and life has dramatically improved from back then - His wording to describing my progress is things like chalk n cheese. When I am good, when I'm severely depressed I'm bad as in I retreat within myself or I a can get snappy. I become needy, I want to feel safe n loved. I was depressed on Friday - it was a very dark place to be in n feel alone. I left the house after a fight, on Monday he came to my counseling session with me - which he later told me I only took him as a manipulative tactic? He told me while I was with her that I need to go away and fix myself before I can come home HE said it's like walking on eggshells in house n he's not doing that to the kids. My daughter told me she wants me home n did say it can be a bit tense but it's not move out wort - This happens like every 6 months it feels like and when my depression starts, he feels blamed and he checks out on me. I remember once I had to go to the hospital for some treatment and he just dropped me off at front door and he drove off - that's the best way I can explain his actions. I feel like I'm going crazy. I am alone. I am sad and without my children. Has anyone gone through this, am I in the wrong for feeling abandoned? My councillor said to him she's worried for me, I had to drive 250ks away to my plates house.

Angel4 Emotional Cheating? Moving Forward
  • replies: 4

I'm in my 40's & in my 2nd marriage. We still have fights like normal couples, they are small & our relationship has been great. Fast forward to last year. My husband had a physical medical incident. Since then we've had some pretty serious fights. I... View more

I'm in my 40's & in my 2nd marriage. We still have fights like normal couples, they are small & our relationship has been great. Fast forward to last year. My husband had a physical medical incident. Since then we've had some pretty serious fights. I felt like the way he's treating me has changed. I have anxiety as my last relationship before him, was very emotional abusive. Towards the end of last year I sort help for my anxiety & had good results. I am still down about my weight but I am activity exercising & feeling better (he's noticed too). I had to check my husband text on his phone not long ago because he asked (we've always had each others phone details and no secrets) & out of curiosity I flicked through them. I found a message from an old friend that he got back in touch with last year. The conversation was pretty general until I found a photo that she sent first one day of her with very little clothing on. The photo was taken to make sure you could clearly see everything. A couple of mild flirty texts later its like my husband realised what she was doing and signed off that chat. They had previously arranged to meet at a shop for a coffee which they still did. Following the catch up he text her it was good to catch up with an old friend & he had missed her. He has since instigated every text there after until I found out. Those txts where just general - hows your day kind of stuff. But they reminded me of what someone would do when trying to get to know another person. I confronted him. First he was angry because I went through his phone, told me that he had told me he was catching up with her (later admitted that he knew he hadn't). He always said he would never do this to me as his 1st wife cheated and he knew how it hurt. He's very apologetic now, said he's sorry it will never happen again, doesn't want to lose me, loves me & will do counselling. It really hurts he never did anything like this to his 1st wife & she cheated. I've never gave any doubt about my loyalty & he does this. He even said if I had done what he had done, he would have possibly walked out (because of what he went through with his 1st wife). I use to trust him 100% but now I don't. We are going to attend marriage counselling (he is already in counselling for depression brought on by his medical incident) but I can't shake how I feel. We are trying now to be more attentive to one another like we use to but it just feels fake. Do the hurt feelings ever go away?

Lost_girl_19 Feeling lost and shut out
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'd really like some help on my current situation. My husband and I have dated on and off for the past 7 years and we have been married for 1.5 years. We have always had pretty bad arguments and he has never been one to talk about what w... View more

Hi everyone, I'd really like some help on my current situation. My husband and I have dated on and off for the past 7 years and we have been married for 1.5 years. We have always had pretty bad arguments and he has never been one to talk about what went wrong and so I've never truly managed to successfully resolve any arguments with him. He typically engages in stonewalling in such situations. When I do find a quiet time for us to discuss our issues, he would say that I am overly sensitive, or naggy. Last year, my best friend who is an international student moved in with us. I discussed this with my husband to check if he was okay with my best friend (who pays rent to us) moving in with us, and he was fine with it. However, a few months into us living together he picked an issue with me, saying that my best friend was more like my "wife" and a huge row occurred in our household.Two weeks ago, he picked an issue with me just as I was about to head into an online meeting. He walked into my study room and asked me for the cat's nail clipper as he thought the cat's nails were rather long. I replied saying I didn't know where the cat nail clipper was, and would look for it and trim the cat's nails after my meeting ended. However, he reacted by saying that I was pretending not to know where the clipper was as I wanted my "wife" to return from uni to clip the cat's nails. It seems like such a small issue but ever since that incident, he has stopped speaking to me. Even when things are normal between us, he rarely asks about my day at work or celebrates in my successes. Perhaps because of this, I find myself confiding more in my best friend who is the only source of emotional support to me. Recently, when I told my husband about my promotion at work, his response was: "did they not have anyone else to give it to, due to Covid?" As such, I have gotten to a point of not sharing any personal or career related news with him. I know this is causing a further distance between us but it's what I've resorted to, to ensure he doesn't have a chance to put me down. I am unsure how long more I can take being in a marriage where we live in silence, lack of emotional connection and where issues are not dealt with maturely. I would really appreciate any suggestions people may have, as this is starting to hurt my mental health and it is also affecting my concentration at work. Thank you.

Jack170 Hurting dad
  • replies: 10

Hi, completely new to this but here it goes. Guess my storey have been heard before so nothing special here. Our divorce was now 8 years ago. The current state of affairs are that I live in Queensland and my ex in Melbourne. Today is my daughter's 14... View more

Hi, completely new to this but here it goes. Guess my storey have been heard before so nothing special here. Our divorce was now 8 years ago. The current state of affairs are that I live in Queensland and my ex in Melbourne. Today is my daughter's 14th birthday and she is worlds away. Today marks a year since I spoke to my daughter last. She is currently not talking to me. I do not completely know why and are not able to find out the truth. We last spoke on her birthday last year and after that she stopped answering my calls and no response to any txt. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months as everything steamrolled. I asked my ex as to the reason and her response were "I don't know and it is not my responsibility to upkeep your communication". I pleaded with her to no avail. During this time, as it was over the years since divorce, my ex would only talk to me asking for additional money several times a month. And while I then help where I could with these requests, I did begged for her to talk to my daughter and get behind this sudden change. I would always just get the same response as before that it is not her responsibility. Then in March my exe again asked for money outside the child support. This time I could not take this abuse anymore and said no for the first time in years. The next day I received a message form my eldest daughter, mid 20's, that my young one aged 13 at that point sent the eldest a message saying that she should ask me to help my ex. Now this shocked me to the core and made me send her the money she asked for. The next part is what put me in the spot I and in today. I sent my ex a message saying "I deposited the money you asked for but I am hurt that you had **** beg for money. You should be the mother and a better role model than that". I had no reply on this and left this alone. Couple weeks after this I receive notice that I need to appear in the Melbourne courts for a DVI. I contact the police officer on this case who told me this is to protect my ex from verbal abuse. Now the only this I said was calling her a bad role model. I inform the courts that there will be no contest and to make final orders for me to not contact my ex. More steps there. My shock was when final orders came that my daughter's name was now added to the no contact order. Courts told me to go see a lawyer who said I had no chance to get this over turned. I never even had an argument with my daughter so that makes it hurt more

demonblaster Loneliness... What choices are there?
  • replies: 140

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people. This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this. What's out there to help people? Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not co... View more

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people. This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this. What's out there to help people? Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not comfortable face on. Excercising outside, amongst people, eye contact often connects a smile with people. Lifting Here & assuming other places in Oz there's through community centres volunteers that visit, take shopping, talk, listen etc or phone calls weekly. (GP would know more) Public transporting, around people, even if not engaged in convo, still amongst it Interested hearing suggests This shouldn't be

Widowedmumof3 Blended Families
  • replies: 1

Hi I am 8 months into a relationship with a man separated from his wife for 3 years (seems to have no real plans on divorce?) who has 2 children (13 &9). I myself am widowed, almost 3 years now, with 3 kids (well 2 adult teens and a 13 yr old). I am ... View more

Hi I am 8 months into a relationship with a man separated from his wife for 3 years (seems to have no real plans on divorce?) who has 2 children (13 &9). I myself am widowed, almost 3 years now, with 3 kids (well 2 adult teens and a 13 yr old). I am feeling a little lost in our relationship. He has 50% custody of his kids. On the "off"week from the kids he is extremely attentive, messages constantly, can't seem to do enough for me and of late, I feel "love bombed" to a degree; as a friend pointed out recently. But when the kids arrive its like I'm put on the back burner which makes me feel anxious and a little used. I understand he misses them and wishes to spend time with them; and I know I am not jealous of their time with their dad I think its important. I guess I don't understand how when I have my kids full time I can make the time but he doesn't or can't?? I organise to go places, invite them around to our home when he has the kids and for the most part his kids are happy to be with us and don't want to leave. This then leads me to another issue. His youngest is quite obnoxious and rules the roost, he "gets what he wants" - his words......he has some issues I feel, he is an extremely anxious child and has some pica issues which his parents have done nothing about. He has become quite obsessive of my kids, naming his toys after them, which is cute but then comments he'd like to eat their souls?? I feel a bit of a hypocrite in saying anything to my partner - glasshouses and all; my kids are far from perfect. But the disrespect he has to his dad; if he doesn't get what he wants he answers with "I won't trust you again" and displays of concerning behaviour from such a young child is eye opening to myself and my kids. His dad says nothing just shakes his head and eye rolls. So much so my kids would prefer his youngest not to be around saying he should be grateful he has a dad. I suppose I'm asking am I being unreasonable in feeling that I am in a one week on-off relationship; should I be concerned that he has no real interest in divorce as he has stated she cheated she should pay, and am I being too harsh on a child that perhaps is emotionally scared from his parents separating and having to be moved week to week from one home to another?? Are my expectations wrong??? Thank you in advance for reading

Anthony1 Parent of a non-binary child
  • replies: 5

Hi, My daughter has come out as non-binary and it would be good to get some feedback and support from other parents who can relate. While I support this change in my child's life going forward, it has also been a bit sad for me, while at the same tim... View more

Hi, My daughter has come out as non-binary and it would be good to get some feedback and support from other parents who can relate. While I support this change in my child's life going forward, it has also been a bit sad for me, while at the same time totally fine. I don't care about my child's decision, but there is a sense of leaving their old identity behind (age is 14) and a sense of dislocation on my part in terms of understanding the mechanics. My child's mother rejects our child's decision and refuses to even entertain the possibility. The hardest thing has been remembering the they/their and change of name, which can play havoc on my fifty year old brain and also because I'm obviously used to calling them by another name. Anyway, if there are any support groups or someone that is in the same boat, it would be good to share some experiences. Thanks!

Lee712 Feeling alone
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a working mum to 3 beautiful kids with a husband that works fifo. And I feel alone all the time, we have been doing this for 10 years now and I have had enough but my husband doesn’t want to give it up. I see we’re he’s coming from, that the... View more

Hi, I am a working mum to 3 beautiful kids with a husband that works fifo. And I feel alone all the time, we have been doing this for 10 years now and I have had enough but my husband doesn’t want to give it up. I see we’re he’s coming from, that the money is helping set our children up and that they get more time with me because I don’t have to work full time with his wage. But it’s come at a cost, I’m stressed about making all the decisions for the children and our finances because he finds it hard not being here all the time to keep up, but I feel alone and the all the stress of am I making the right decisions it’s all on me. And the other thing is we no longer have anything in common other then our children, there’s love there but we have become so distance. How do people find a balance and my Fifo work? We talk all the time but it just replace the the distance between us.

Madeline_Q Husband left without warning and im pregnant
  • replies: 8

My husband out of the blue said he needed to leave to work on his mental health, it was hard to accept as im 17 weeks pregnant but i couldn't be mad he needed to sort himself. I should have left him alone but i needed answers. He then went and slept ... View more

My husband out of the blue said he needed to leave to work on his mental health, it was hard to accept as im 17 weeks pregnant but i couldn't be mad he needed to sort himself. I should have left him alone but i needed answers. He then went and slept with someone he deals with through work. I found out and he said he would've never told me. He said he regretted it realised how much he wanted to be with me and how much he cared for me but 2 days later apparently felt nothing for me. I dont understand any of it as we were happy. I knew he had his own problems but he always said it wasnt me it was him. He loved me and cared for me while we were trying for a baby so i cant see what changed. He doesn't want to speak to me he tells me nothing was going on with that other girl before but im struggling to believe that. Is it my fault he slept with her cause i was pushing for answers. Why did he message her the next day about it if he regretted it. So much going through my mind and im unsure if i want to continue with the pregnancy. I cant afford to live so im struggling with all this on top of everything. Im really confused and i dont know why but i want him back but hes not willing to put in any effort with me. One minute he does love me and the next he doesn't its messing with my mind like crazy.

Alison30 I’m being harrassed by my sister on Facebook
  • replies: 5

Hello my name is Alison, I am going through depression and anxiety at the moment because I am being harrassed by my sister on Facebook. I recently had a falling out with her a few days ago due to personal issues and I blocked her. But then last night... View more

Hello my name is Alison, I am going through depression and anxiety at the moment because I am being harrassed by my sister on Facebook. I recently had a falling out with her a few days ago due to personal issues and I blocked her. But then last night she kept contacting me on Facebook trying to prove to me that our Auntie said bad stuff about me behind my back calling me dumb, manipulative and controlling by sending me screenshots of the conversations she had with our Auntie. My sister threatened to keep making Facebook after Facebook accounts until I read the evidence she provided and if I refused to read them she was going print them all out and post it to me then if I still refused to read them she was going to show up to my house and watch me read them all. I tried contacting the police but they told me that because she hasn’t done anything criminal their isn’t anything they can do and told me I could put in for an avo if I wanted to but because she didn’t do anything criminal it may not go through. I’ve also tried reporting her messages to Facebook but they haven’t said anything, I have also contacted 1800 RESPECT which I did they just told me to talk to my NDIS coordinator about getting mental health care plan put through ASAP and they recommended I report it on the esafety website and call the police which I did. She’s making up accusations about me that I lied to our family about everything and that they think I am trying to get her out of the picture and that I want the family all to myself because I didn’t have them all my life. I feel like my sister is trying to tear our family apart and I don’t know what to do about it. What’s messed up is that most of the things my sister is accusing our Auntie of saying about me behind my back she’s called me those things too so she’s no better than my Auntie if she really said those things. In the past my Auntie denied saying anything my sister accused her of about me but yet their seems to be screenshots of her saying these things to my sister during conversations they had.