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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Champagne_charlie How do I fix my relationship with my parents and and be okay!
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am going to start from a long time ago. I had an unstable childhood I went to 14 different schools and was home schooled for three years. I left school in year 9. I can't remember the first time but my mother never liked me much. She would say ... View more

Hi, I am going to start from a long time ago. I had an unstable childhood I went to 14 different schools and was home schooled for three years. I left school in year 9. I can't remember the first time but my mother never liked me much. She would say things like I was worthless or make fun of me. She mentioned she regretted having me. At 13 my step father left us and my world was no longer protected and my mother allowed bad things to happen to me. I went to Foster care but she needed me. Finally they put me with my grandmother and I didn't hear from her for a year. Then she called again. I ran to help her. It's always about her and now my step dad's back he isn't much better. Always mad about something at someone. And when it comes to my kids they ignore me. I have cut them out but then. They speak to my friends or kids and make me feel bad. I love helping people too. I have a few kids mostly older but last year I had a child who has an airway defect. She has turned blue many times and is on oxygen and has a feeding tube. And they got stuck in qld with me because they don't drive and the xpt isn't running. Since then they refuse to stay inside my house no matter how much I fight with them and I have asked them to leave tomorrow. I feel terrible but a common cold could kill my daughter and I feel I can't risk it. My mother keeps reminding me I had the same airway defect and that it is my just desserts that this is happening to me because I too turned blue. I understand she feels this way but my daughter who is only five months doesn't deserve this. She is a happy smiling baby. They want to stay the whole lock down but I have said no because I rent. My eldest son and eldest daughter now hate them and my mother keeps pretending to my husband she was the best mother and while he didn't mean to be horrible he said is that why she has to mediate before and wakes up screaming and runs off to hide. I was deeply embarrassed and now my mother thinks I am being dramatic. I have always have self hatred issues so no surprise that I hate myself for asking them to leave, but what I want to ask is how can I fix this? How can I not fear them? Their arrival? Or even fix our past? How can I stop these panicked nightmares? I have been to doctors and currently nothing has helped except meditating. Please leave any suggestions for me. I don't wish to hate them. Nor do I want to keep hurting. Thank you for reading this.

Badluckgirl1 Help my family is falling apart
  • replies: 12

Hi Im new to this but i am in need of help. I seem to have been through so much. Its just one thing after another and i just don't know what to do anymore. The latest thing that has hit me is my son has gone off the rails he is in his 20s with the wr... View more

Hi Im new to this but i am in need of help. I seem to have been through so much. Its just one thing after another and i just don't know what to do anymore. The latest thing that has hit me is my son has gone off the rails he is in his 20s with the wrong crowd and living a thugs life. I want to help him but he has shut me out and doesn't want help. Please where do i go? What do i do?

shucks46 Learning to love again
  • replies: 4

Hi all. I have been separated fro my wife of 19 years for about 18 months now. The relationship was like any other ups and downs. Due to domestic violence on on her part I decided to walk away which absolutely destroyed me and triggered a massive sta... View more

Hi all. I have been separated fro my wife of 19 years for about 18 months now. The relationship was like any other ups and downs. Due to domestic violence on on her part I decided to walk away which absolutely destroyed me and triggered a massive state of depression, loneliness and the feeling of being empty inside. After 6 months or so being apart I tried to rekindle and save the relationship however that didn’t work out so well. I met another female and had a off and on relationship for for about 18 months, she started talking about love after the first couple weeks which I was a bit uncomfortable with because to me love is a strong word, serious feeling and emotions, however I figured I’d stick it out and see how it goes needless to say I just couldn’t develop any strong feelings for her yes I did like and care for her but that was it. I feel as if I would be unable to get close to another female again on the fear of things going sour and sending me back to the state of depression I was in or worse yet I’m not ready to be alone if that makes sense. Honestly I haven’t had much luck with girlfriends even from the early teenage years. I’m just wondering if anyone else has the same issues and if so what’s your strategy please? Thanks.

Kaitlinxroses Problem with my cousins relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi I’m not sure if this is in the right forum or not but I’m seeking to get some advice on a situation that’s currently happening. My cousin who is 20 lives away from home with her boyfriend and his parents, they had a child a year ago after dating f... View more

Hi I’m not sure if this is in the right forum or not but I’m seeking to get some advice on a situation that’s currently happening. My cousin who is 20 lives away from home with her boyfriend and his parents, they had a child a year ago after dating for only a few months. My cousin recently has been messaging me about how her boyfriend is verbally abusing her and threatening to break up with her constantly. He has been calling her a cheating s*** and fat, and from what she has told me this has been going on for months without us knowing! She told me she wants to move back home but from what it seems he is threatening to take her children away from her if she does. Im looking for advice on how to handle this and how to help her get away from this kind of situation?

daphnejanee My first post - dealing with my first breakup
  • replies: 17

Hi all, this is my first post. I’m feeling lost at the moment and need a space where I can release all my feelings. So, I’m sorry in advance for my lengthy post and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through it. It’s been a little over 2 ... View more

Hi all, this is my first post. I’m feeling lost at the moment and need a space where I can release all my feelings. So, I’m sorry in advance for my lengthy post and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through it. It’s been a little over 2 weeks since I broke up with my boyfriend and I’m really struggling to cope. After months of pain, I finally had to guts to walk away. He was a controlling partner. He had major trust issues because I had a lot of male friends in the past. This caused him to think that I was cheating, lying and doing something behind his back. He had an app where he could see my location 24/7 and he was logged into all my social media accounts so he could check who I was talking to. All of this really brought me down. I felt so useless and worthless. It would cause a problem whenever I left the house because he thought I was doing something behind his back. I was so scared of how he would react towards me if I made a wrong move. He had always got really angry and yelled at me when we fought. I just obeyed all of his rules because I was scared of causing a problem. I wasn’t happy. I felt trapped, like I was living in fear. And 2 weeks ago, it got to a stage where I was so broken. I still loved him, but I didn’t want to be with him anymore. So, I left him. Now I find myself crying for hours every day. I have overdue assignments but I’m really struggling to focus on doing my work. I sit down in front of my laptop to work and my mind just goes blank. I can’t sleep properly. I find myself going to bed between 2-3am every night and not getting out of bed until midday. I’ve lost my appetite and don’t feel like eating. I was exercising to take my mind off it in the first week, but now I have no energy to do anything. I’ve tried talking to my best friend, but I can’t help but feel like I’m annoying her with my daily messages of me crying. I live alone with my mum, but I’m not ready to tell her about the breakup yet. I’m afraid of breaking down and crying in front of her and the questions she’ll ask. Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can do every day to take my mind off all of this? It’s like a broken record in my head that won’t stop, and I just want to move on and focus on myself, but I’m finding it really hard. I know it’s only been 2 weeks, but this is my first breakup. I really don't know how to deal with this and how to stop the pain of the bad memories. Any advice would really be appreciated! Thanks guys, daphnejanee

Dlsth0708 Tired of trying
  • replies: 6

Hi Forumers! I am in my 30s and have two young children to my ex. I have bi-polar 2, anxiety and PTSD. My partner and I have been struggling for some time. We have known each other since we were children but have been in a relationship for just over ... View more

Hi Forumers! I am in my 30s and have two young children to my ex. I have bi-polar 2, anxiety and PTSD. My partner and I have been struggling for some time. We have known each other since we were children but have been in a relationship for just over 12 months. I don't even know where to start... we have sex maybe every 6 weeks, and the last few times have felt like "charity sex" as in he only did it to shut me up. He put no effort in, I asked him to basically participate and he LITERALLY complained during sex. Then finishes and said "there, you right now?". I literally felt like crap. He claims he just isn't an affectionate person and doesn't think sex is important, my argument is that there is two of us in the relationship and I AM an affectionate sexual person. I just feel so lonely and unwanted.

Guest_9043 A firm decision, need some pointers
  • replies: 6

Hi all I have made a firm decision. This is solely to do with a mother. I can't call her my mother as she was NEVER EVER a mother. A mother abused me horrifically from the age of six up until my age now. I am 40 years old. It probably started before ... View more

Hi all I have made a firm decision. This is solely to do with a mother. I can't call her my mother as she was NEVER EVER a mother. A mother abused me horrifically from the age of six up until my age now. I am 40 years old. It probably started before that yet it's the earliest age I can remember from. I have only just begun therapy to deal with the madness and insanity my life has been and I cut all contact with her in December last year. Some people say to me BUT she is your mother. Once someone says that I ignore them and walk away. The abuse was seen by people and they did nothing. Some even sided with her, courtesy of her deceit and lies. No one ever came to my aide. A mother made me her confidante, counsellor, spouse and parent. On-top of that there was psychological, emotional, physical and religious abuse. To add she systematically would turn people against me when there was not enough drama so she needed to create more. She was a cruel, vindictive, master manipulator. I will not justify my decision or think it over. My decision is final. All I want to know is if anyone can help me with some info. Is it possible to hire a lawyer to get her to change her last will and testimony? I do not want a single thing from her upon her death. What I do want is not to be the executor of her will and be in charge of organising her funeral, paying off her debts and finalising everything to do with wherever she is living. I do not want to contact "family". I do not want ANY responsibility. Years ago now when my mother spoke to me about it all and gave me her last will and testimony, I felt so sad talking about it all. However, I wanted to know so I could "fill what I thought was my duty to her" This is how brainwashed I had been by her. I didn't speak up about how I felt. I was scared there would be a fight or that I would cry and she wouldn't comfort me. I did not speak up about how I felt cause I thought that would make me so selfish. Typical of an abused child, young adult and adult. I feel differently in a lot of ways now. It is once again her making me responsible for sorting everything out and expecting me to be more capable and independent. There was no talk/discussion. More this is what you will be doing. I need to move on with my life. 2quik.

LifetimeDreamer Feeling of safety after separation?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, I have a question which confuses me. Is it normal after the finalisation of a separation that you feel a very strong need to have your safe space (e.g. at home)? My partner has recently finalised his marital separation (e.g. house packed... View more

Hi Everyone, I have a question which confuses me. Is it normal after the finalisation of a separation that you feel a very strong need to have your safe space (e.g. at home)? My partner has recently finalised his marital separation (e.g. house packed up etc.) and he had always felt safe in my place and stayed over many times (they were already separated and living separately then but not all finalised). But five weeks ago, when everything was finalised and she left, he kind of ended up suffering a lot emotionally. Not missing her but just the whole loss thing. Since then, he has been anxious about staying over at my place and so he always leaves in the evening when we see each other. He says it is nothing to do with me at all and that he really enjoys his time with me but then, all of a sudden, it is like a voice in his head says "Ok, it's time to go to your safe space at home now". And then he needs to leave shortly after because he becomes restless. Is that normal? I am scared that this is the new norm. We had trips away planned and had to cancel them because he is terrified of travelling with me. He would be fine to visit a friend and stay at his place but he's scared / uncomfortable staying overnight with me. I do not understand this. He is a fearful-avoidant attachment type currently working on childhood issues that probably caused him to fear vulnerability. But he doesn't understand himself why he feels like this although we had already done all these things. He isn't afraid of intimacy at all, he just does not feel comfortable staying overnight. I find this very hard because I don't understand and because I am scared that this will stay. Is it possible that he is just too emotionally overwhelmed and needs a bit more time to process everything? He is often emotionally drained, tired, lacking ability to concentrate, having a million thoughts, feeling like he constantly has chores waiting for him which makes him stressed... So I was just wondering if anyone can make sense of this for me. I am not pushing him at all but I am really scared that this will all stay in this strange new rut. Why does he need his safe space so urgently although he says he trusts me 100% and thanks me for my support all the time? I don't get it... he usually preferred being at my place over his because everything there reminded him of the failed marriage. Now it's like he is seeking it and he says, sometimes he just spends hours there in peace and silence. Is that it?

garp68 advice
  • replies: 1

need advice and help, going through a really hard time with my fiancé, we have 1 child together and 5 step kids, since our child was born I have become more jealous of her realationship we her kids, it has got to the point now where they resent me, w... View more

need advice and help, going through a really hard time with my fiancé, we have 1 child together and 5 step kids, since our child was born I have become more jealous of her realationship we her kids, it has got to the point now where they resent me, we a split up since last week, I am trying everything I can to get back together with her as I love her so much, I know I need to change how I am, please any advice

mishyg Separation - how have others financially afforded a new house
  • replies: 6

We are just in process of separating. Very early days. Still stuck under same roof due to covid. We are both reasonable earners and together we have a nice house. I would like to be able for one of us to move out. I don't know how we can afford to do... View more

We are just in process of separating. Very early days. Still stuck under same roof due to covid. We are both reasonable earners and together we have a nice house. I would like to be able for one of us to move out. I don't know how we can afford to do this though? Anyone with any experience or advice? Simply sell? Or buy out? Where does the party who buy's out get the money?? I feel quite naive. How does anyone who sells have enough deposit for each of you to get back on ladder??