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husband abandoned me after meeting a women on a website.

JC777
Community Member

Im in so much turmoil ATM because my husband of 7 years has moved onto another relationship after I was diagnosed with border line personality disorder and I have this severely.I spent a week in hospital in psyche unit and came home and after promising hme that he would stick with me told me that I was disgusting becaue I went and got some pot to smoke to calm me down after my ordeal in hospital.My husband was loving and supportive unitl he recently joined a website and met with other women who obviosly were kind to him and he has since moved on and hates my guts.To the extreme where he no longer wants anything to do with myself or my 10 year old daughter who he was her father for 8 years.

Docs are involved.I drove myself to the police station drunk to get help and have High range drink driving court and then was admitted to hospital.But my biggest and worst failure is my marriage and the rejection and abandonment from the man that I still love despite his fornication with many other women.

 

I was unduly unkind to him from the BPD and he has moved on.My heart is broken .I saw him in my local shopping centre and he treated me withno respect and no love which killed me.

 

4 Replies 4

AGrace
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi JC777,

That's a pretty awful predicament to find yourself in. Having BPD and abandonment issues that come with it are bad enough without them becoming a reality. I really do feel for you. I lost my ex of 10 years nearly 6 years ago and with the heightened emotions of BPD at one point I thought it was going to kill me.

The one thing I recall being told when I sought therapy was that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I learnt that I couldn't change him and that I could only change myself. Of course there were plenty of tears and sleepless nights but for the sake of my sanity I learnt to realise that even if he became this loving, compassionate, respectful person I would still never be able to take him back because the trust was gone.

Your ex sounds like a pretty insensitive person and I think you and your daughter deserve more than what he can offer. As difficult as it is I think you need to focus on your daughter and be completely transparent with her as a first priority.  Are you still seeing anyone for help with BPD? Are there family and friends you can rely on for a while? I think it would help to talk it through with someone.

It never seems like you'll be able to move on at the time, but you will. I met my current partner about a year later, being single for a while taught me independence and exactly what I was looking for from my next partner. All of this only happens when you let go, and that takes time. Be patient with yourself. Dont suffer in silence and if you have to resort to another vice to help get you through the days and nights turn to chocolate rather than drugs or alcohol.

Please continue to post here as we're alway available to listen and where we can offer some advice. This time is for you.

AGrace

JC777
Community Member

Thank you grace. I just spoke to him and he told me he is really happy with the new woman in his life.happier than he has been for years. 

AGrace
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Ha. Then good for him, you dont need someone who's miserable in your life. Best revenge would be to show him how happy you can be without him. Not that im an advocate for revenge;) Take all the time you need to heal and then look forward to having someone in your life that's happy enough to make you feel incredible. 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear JC, I would like to thank you for posting your comment on this site, as sometimes people are hesitant in telling others how they feel, but it's good that you, because AGrace can relate to your situation and her remarks are something that you will relate to.

It's no fault of yours that you have border line personality disorder, you never put your hand up saying that you want it, and your husband has no respect for your illness, nor does he have any inclination of wanting to help you, and to keep the family unit together, which also includes your daughter of 8 years with him, and at 10 years old they are now developing into an adolescent with so questions they want answers to.

I know your love for him, but unfortunately it's not reciprocated, because all he wants to do is to play up, and eventually he will tire with this female and again move on, so it's going to be his ongoing problem.

I am so sorry that he hasn't supported in your endeavour to get well. L Geoff. x