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Loneliness vs. being alone

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all, 

I separated from my husband 6 weeks ago (in a mental hospital 2 days after a suicide attempt no less). If you want the full story of my pain, anxiety and all that jazz, see my thread Rocket Science under the Depression forum.

I guess just wanted to ask if its possible to be lonely but not want to be with people.  Romantically I am not even interested, but I can be in a house full of people  and be lonely. I don't want my partner back, I know that. I guess I just miss that special connection of you and someone else. That loss of creating something greater than yourself. I don't want to be around people, it makes my anxiety shakes start. 

At the same time I am just so alone, so adrift in this new world of solitude. I chose this, but it doesn't mean I enjoy it. 

I find myself trying to fill the hole in my chest where my heart used to be with things - clothes, books, food. But it doesn't stop the pain. I look at happy couples and remember what that felt like. I remember that I don't have it and look down, at the hole in my chest where my heart used to be. 

I don't know if this is even making any sense. Is this what the end of a relationship is meant to feel like? Or am I alone in this? 

Do you try and fill that hole inside your chest, or do you just build around it?


4 Replies 4

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello GA, I think you are feeling exactly how you are supposed to be feeling. I relate to all of the above. It's grief, and after the end of significant relationships I have gone through periods where I resent couples. Even friends, which is hard.  They'd be keeping me company or inviting me for dinner, and I'd be appreciating that and having a nice time, but inside every little cuddle or shared joke would deeply hurt.  In answer to your last question, I think you build around it, and eventually the hole closes up.

Community Member

Hi Ga,

I think there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I think the difference is intimacy and empathy. I know a lot of people but I do not really have anyone that I can share my thoughts and feelings with and really be understood and not judged. This is what makes me feel lonely.



Hi guys, 

Thankyou for the responses. Ia  trying to build around the hole, trying to focus on the scaffolding and not the wound they cover up. Its not easy when your ex keeps wounding you further, pouring salt into it. Ne may be hurting, I am hurting too, but lashing out is not the way to heal.i think he is only hurting himself more. 

Maybe he is just a jerk. I don't know. 

In answer to being lonely, I get it. I actually want to be alone, to have alife that is just mine. And my feline overlords who are, lets face it the real masters of this relationship. 

The nights are cold though, without someone to talk to. Grateful, you hit it on the head. It's lonely without empathy, even though I have so much support on here and empathy by the bucket load, its not the same. 

When I log off, it's just me in a room, by myself and I'm used to that but not ok with it yet.  I certainly don't want to meet someone else yet, and try shove them in the hole he left, try to make them fit. It wouldn't be fair on me, or them. It would just hurt us both.

So I guess j just need to learn to be alone, and try not to be lonely.


Community Member

You are so not alone ! not ever ever.... Build around the hole and it will fill... Time Time and everyone tells me 7 months after my awful breakup more time.... I feel alone to but then to scared to be with people.... I dont have any "fix it" i guess we are all different in how we repair ourselves.. I have just tried to build on the good things and let the "crap" go... some days i do this well and others not so well.... XX