How to deal with consistant physical rejection when you are doing all you can

[kitedrew]

Hi community,

I am new to this site and definitely new to having anxiety with physical symptoms. So please be nice but honest!!

I am a 32 year, male, medically i am fit and with no issues, dont smoke, dont drink and love being active however anxiety has stopped alot of that as sports now triggers breathing difficulties. I have two major anxiety triggers i have learnt about of the last 6 months. One being health based anxiety where a single little pain will trigger an anxiety / panic attack. This one i am working on and doing well at getting over it slowly.

However the second is the one i wish advice on. I am due to get married to my gorgeous wife-to-be very soon, and this decision will not change as i really do love her with all my heart. we are both super excited. However over the past year and especially in the last 4 months she has been constantly rejecting my advances. Intimacy has dropped to a level i have never experienced since i was single. Now i know most of you might have the stereotype view that i need to do more around the house to help her and to romance her. But this is not the case with me.

I am a hopeless romantic that loves doing little things for my partners, i do all the cooking, most of the cleaning and don't force her to do anything she does not want to do. She can hang with her friends and party without me if she wants as i dont have trust issues. I am a kind, caring and considerate person that considers everyone a friend.

It all started when her work life started taking over and she worked 12-14 hour days constantly. She had a stress melt down over work but after she got over it went straight back to working the same crazy hours. She sleeps all the time, falls asleep on date nights, too tired or not in mood in mornings or is too focused on other things. We used to have a great intimacy connection. She has been working on things but in last 4 months her stress levels have decreased a little, which is good.

Now last night when i touched and kissed her, suddenly i felt an instant and overpowering feeling of rejection and than anxiety kicked in. I guess i might be overthinking whether that touch will get brushed off or make her feel uncomfy. I am a very physical person and she used to like that.

I just need some advice to get through this patch and how people deal with it?

I want it to get back to what it used to be but i know it will take time.

ps. our communication is good hence why she is trying to work on things.

[kiara_18]

Hi KiteDrew,

Well done on posting on this forum about something so personal to you.

You sound like an absolutely lovely guy to your fiance.

A bit about me and why I related to this post. My fiance and I are getting married next year. Our intamacy levels are not all that high in the bedroom, but we adore each other to bits we are soul mates and we are okay with the fact that we dont have sex every single week. We do every thing together like watch movies, dates, couple dates. Which brings me to my next question, why dont you book her a surprise holiday or even a stay cation in your own city? That may put you guys in the mood? Sometime we don't realise how much work there is around the house, and the mundane tasks take over the weekends.

I used to worry about this, based on other people, but your relationship is your own business and should not be compared to anyone elses.

Best of Luck,

K