How many times do I forgive ?

[Peppa62]

Long story short I have posted here before - my partner and I have been together 10yrs we are both 28.
My partner was caught I guess you could say cyber cheating (didn’t physically cheat) and we split for a bit but since then we have worked really hard to get to a better place . I finallu after a year felt I could start trusting him again . Then last Saturday night happened . We were both out on the town together when I got a headache so said I was going home but he was fine to stay out just be home before 5am. Which he was .... I was then the next day so happy that I felt I could trust him to be out with out me and nothing happen . Only to find out (from him Monday night) that after I left they went to the strippers - I said when I left him Saturday night no drugs, no strippers - he says he told the group he didn’t want to go and when he went there he didn’t get a dance or watch the strippers but I don’t know if I can trust that. He has really broken my trust again!! I want to forgive him but am afraid that it is stupid of me to do so. How many “chances” do you give a person? . What are the right questions to ask? I’m feeling really confused and lost and hurt . I belive going to a place where you get a woman who is not your partner to rub on you dance for you and take their clothes off for you is a form of cheating . I’m heart broken all over again .

[geoff]

Hello Peppa62, so many good replies back to you which I'll try not to duplicate.

Trust needs to go both ways and when someone promises you to do something, you accept and believe that they will do it, so is a broken promise the same as trust being broken, maybe, maybe not, but when you rely on someone to do something, you naturally trust that it will happen, however, promises can be made up and not fulfilled.

He may have been put into a compromising position with his mates where he had no choice but go or lose his pride, which he could be too afraid to mention.

You can only love someone who you can trust, but perhaps allow them a bit of latitude either way if that suits you.

Take care.

Geoff.