how do i deal with intense loneliness

[Giggyy]

my birthday is coming up and due to my autism I have never developed fulfilling relationships, I dont have anyone to spend time with and that won't usually bother me, except that this year everyone in my family has been reminding me how "sad" and "weird" I am for not having any friends and making my own birthday cake, it really made me think about how lonely I really am. I never really celebrate my birthday I just sit alone in my room,  it makes me upset to come to the realisation that I truly don't have anyone close to me who cares about me

how do I stop feeling so bad about having no friends?

[HelloGail]

Apologies Giggyy as I am in the same situation though I wasn't diagnosed with anything but my mother stated to a doctor that I was backward as a child. I am a loner, sometimes I enjoy being on my own but truly I am very lonely. I tried various volunteer work in organisations, but kept receiving cruel remarks and anger. I was never rude but would give a polite notice that I wasn't able to continue due to personal circumstances. My last volunteer was in 2018 and after 4 bad experiences I will never volunteer again. I participated in the Volunteer Program course in 2011 and is when I started doing volunteer work (2011-2018). These experiences has caused me a great loss of confidence and fear making friends. I walk for exercise, eat healthy non smoker/drinker and so care for myself but my TV is my saviour at times and my locally library. I have no friends close by only in WA. I'm in NSW but I chat to my neighbours really well but withdraw getting too close. Giggyy, you are not alone. It is scared, I do have an adult daughter but she works interstate and is moving to the UK in June to help her career plus travel. I can't offer advice but just wanted to reply as I feel for what you are enduring. 

[smallwolf]

How far away is your birthday? 

And happy birthday from me.

I am sorry to hear your family are reminding you about how things are. You made your own cake? I know it's for your birthday but sounds like you have a skill there. Do you like cooking?

What sort of things do you like to do?

I feel that we all have a place and reason - have to find our tribe and where we belong. I am interested in hearing more about your.

[jaz28]

Hi Giggyy,

I am sorry you are going through this, it must be hard. It is troubling that your family does not provide you with support, they should be celebrating with you! You are not sad and weird, we are all unique and every single one of our brains is wired differently. Your autism does not change who you are.

Have you thought about moving out of home? How old are you? Can you join a club or group with other people with similar interests? Have you seen a mental health professional for advice (would deeply recommend this)? These are all things to consider.

I hope you are feeling okay and please reach out if you need,

Jaz xx

[james1]

Hey Giggyy,

I'm really sorry to hear you feel so lonely and haven't been able to develop any fulfilling relationships. I understand this hasn't normally bothered you in the past, but it's changed a bit after what your family has been saying and also having your birthday come around. 

I am not really sure if I have any practical advice to give about how to feel less bad because I am in a similar scenario, though perhaps I've been starting to trend the other way and feeling more okay with it.

In my own case, I am a massive introvert and finding myself increasingly so. I have some friends who I really value, though I don't particularly like setting time aside to spend it with them. I really don't like spending time with family, and I honestly wish I was left alone at least 50% of the time. Since I've been prioritising myself more and more, I'm also starting to get similar accusations about being weird and lonely and my mum likes to tell me that I'll have no friends soon due to how bad I am with responding to texts and being social.

But for some reason, I seem to be getting more and more okay with this. I think it's because I still do have a few friends and I've been trying to make sure they understand me and value our friendship even if we rarely meet. Instead, I have a psychologist who I see once a week and is kind of like my constant support. I find it easier this way for some reason.

I was in a much worse situation about 6 years ago, and I had a lot of similar thoughts to you now. Perhaps some of the answer could be in finding just a few people who you can feel safe with, and who respect you. It doesn't have to be so many people that it is overwhelming, but however many people that you feel comfortable with. In my case, I probably see my friends once every few months, and there are only a handful of them. But that seems to be just the right amount at the moment.

James

[Voyage]

Hi Giggyy,

Happy Birthday from me!  Everyone deserves to have a social network.  Try finding a tour group like Travengers to meet some new people or develop a sporting skill so can join a team.  You could volunteer as a coach/organiser.  Slowly, you will make new contacts and create connections with others.  It may or may not lead to deeper friendships but at least you will have had some fun trying.  The truth is friendships come and go with your circumstances and your life stage.  Friendships take on different levels of depth over time.  I lost my best friend of 6 years to changing life circumstances, and though we have met recently, the spark is gone.  On the other hand, a friendship I had that was initially quite distant has grown to greater depth over the years.  Enjoy them when they bloom and accept it when they pass.  Good luck.