heartbroken 💔

[dreemer]

So..im new to the forum..and this is my first step at reaching out..i feel a little silly and as if the way ive been feeling is not justified..a bit of background on my story..at the end of 2013 i ended my 12yr partnership which was an extremely difficult decision to make..i needed to do it to be happy in myself...and i was..i met someone new who i fell hard for..we were so in love...but..its come undone for a number of reasons..ive got kids from my previous relationship..he was a bit younger than me and a little immature..but him breaking up with me and telling me he still loves me and one day we might be together..hes confused..its just as hard for him...i dont think he understands at all...i am drowning in my own head..ive tried all the normal heartbreak remedies..excercise..leaning on friends..doing new things..keeping busy etc..but i am not coping..im so sad most of the time..its a real effort to even look after my kids..or get out of bed..i cant enjoy life at all..im trying for my kids but i feel like im drowning in my head...ive made an appointment with my gp but im nervous about it..im nervous about opening up..or if i might need medication..that scares me...im feeling so lost right now 😢

[White_Rose]

Hello Dreemer

Welcome to the forum. It's good that you have written in here and been able to express your sadness.

Being sad is not the same as being depressed, although depression is a cause for sadness.

It's good that you have made an appointment with your GP. At least you will have an answer about depression one way or another. I understand your hesitation about talking to others.  It's a common problem here. When we tell another person about fears and anxieites it can be a big risk. We ask ourselves, "Will the other think I'm stupid? Will they laugh at me? What if I am crazy? What if they tell others?" and so it goes. Well your GP cannot talk to others without your permission, they have heard many stories more difficult than yours, and no GP worth their shingle would laugh at you.

Doctors are there to help you manage your health and this includes your mental health. It's always possible you may be prescribed medication. If so, have a conversation about what it will do to help you, what are the potential side effects, how long will you need to take the medication and when will it start to take effect.

Don't let your brain tell you it is a sign of weakness or anything like that. You take medication for other ailments, so why not depression if this is your problem? Accept all the help you can get so that you heal more quickly.

I do have a suggestion for you to make it easier to give all the information to the GP. Write down in a list, all the things you want to know and everything that has happened to date. You have already done most of the work in your post so you could just copy it and print it out. Then if you cannot talk easily, just give the paper to the doctor.

I think it is most unfair of your BF to suggest you can get together later and that he still loves you. He certainly does sound immature. He has made the decision to part company so he cannot expect you to hang around in hope. I know it's painful. Partings are always painful but once you accept that your relationship is over you will heal more quickly. Being kept on a string is not good for you.

Being quite blunt, he has left and any difficulty or distress he has is his problem. I think you are probably right when you say he doesn't understand. And the longer you make excuses for him the longer it will take him to learn. He must take responsibility for himself and not add to your distress.  Your job now is to get well and care for your children.

I would love to know how you went with the doctor.

Mary