having some friend issues

booga

i have a friend who lives on the opposite side of the world from me, and so we can only spend time together at certain intervals (usually from 8 am to 2 pm)

since i've turned 18, i no longer have a bedtime and have been staying up super late, causing me to sleep in until 2 pm, which is when they usually go offline. they told me they feel bad about it and miss spending time with me, and i do too i feel really guilty about it, but staying up late feels almost cathartic to me because my mum used to be so strict about my bedtime that she'd always say stuff like "you're just looking for excuses to stay out of bed".

my creativity comes to me most when its late, and when im in bed for too long and im not tired, i start overthinking things. i like to stay up late because it makes me feel like i am my own person choosing my own activities, but i feel bad about my friend because we cant spend much time together because of it. i just dont know what to do, i dont want this to ruin our friendship

white knight

Hi welcome

Sorry for the delay, I got to thinking- can you use email or messages to communicate? Then say, every Sunday morning you put your alarm clock on and communicate normally before 2pm?

A friendship isnt a good one if you feel guilty for not living up to expectations of your own or someone elses. This situation is unusual so it takes an unusual solution.

Good quality sleep is essential, it is often underrated for its importance and really late sleeping times is unhealthy, thats a fact so it must be addressed, your mum is sometimes correct so its best to swallow those facts and make some changes. You can do it!!

Thanks for writing in, many others will benefit from it.

TonyWK

Earth Girl

Hi booga,

It's very understandable why you want to stay up late, but sleep really is important and can eventually really impact your mental health if you don't get enough.

I like White Knight's suggestion of talking to each other through emails or messages instead. That's great advice because you'll still be able to say as much as you want to each other and will be able to get back to each other at times that are much easier for both of you.

I'm sure if you talk to your friend and ask them if it's okay if you email or message each other instead because you are worried that you aren't getting enough sleep that they will understand and know that it's not anything personal. You of course still like them and want to talk to them, just at times that will help keep both of you mentally healthy.

You could also slowly get back to going to bed earlier if it's hard for you to fall asleep. Before going to bed, I would recommend doing activities that don't involve things like computers because the light from them can make it harder for you to get to sleep sooner. Maybe you could do your creative activities (such as story writing, drawing, art, music if you're allowed to, whatever they may be), before going to bed and that might help you sleep better.