Ghosting and rejection

[Von is lost]

I finally plucked up the courage to ask a guy I’d been casually seeing what he was thinking/feeling about us, and he just straight up ghosted me and hasn't replied in a whole week. I feel extremely hurt and desperate for answers, but I know there’s nothing I can do about it and I may not ever get an answer. I feel physically ill thinking about him but can’t seem to stop. I wish I knew how to value myself enough to know I’m better off without someone who doesn’t really want me.

[CalmCat]

Hi Von is lost,

Thank you for such a open post.

Sometimes lovingly letting go is the best thing someone can do for their metal health. It may bring pain to the recipient, which is something we unfortunately have to accept.

Stay strong! There are plenty of fish in the sea! Or just give each other space and contact each other in the near furture!

Regards,

D

[Guest_3256]

Hi Von is lost.

It wouldn't surprise me that you are dealing with a type or Narcissist.
If you flip the roles and you are him, what actions caused you to discard this new person in your life?
Then you reached out to him......he threw you straight under the bus - this is a control tactic.

You said: "what went wrong with us" which is a normal and healthy question.
His response was toxic: that you are 'full-on.'

My dear Von, this person will not change and you are allowing him to control you. Please let him go.
In his mind he is thinking, "I don't really value her so why do I need to deal with this person, why can't she leave me alone," not a healthy response at all.

You do not deserve to be treated with toxic behaviour - you deserve someone who is on your healthy wave-length. You're better than that.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Von is lost, I'm really sorry to hear that. I think its the person's loss who didn't respond to you, not your fault. Good on you for having the courage to say you had feelings for this person, if they're going to be like that then you're probably better off without them. It's on them not you. I know how hard it is.

[HannaMelb]

Hi Von is Lost, in my experience when men want a woman, they would do anything to get her attention - simple as that. They may even get annoying!

So that's one thing; the other is, you wouldn't want to be with a gutless coward who disappeared without explanation and then when you reach out to him rightfully asking for answers, he slashes at you. He is not worth it - you are better off without him. He is not a nice person, regardless of what he may be going through - You just don't treat other people like that.

And supposing he was going through a rough patch - why on earth would you want to be with someone who has issues and reacts like that when someone else tries to get close to them? There are far better men out there with less issues or at least, other men who know how to deal with their own s**it without hurting others.

You deserve much better!

[Guest_1584]

Hi op , if your still around.

But oh no , don't tell me we use ghosting and gas lighting terms here to now. The other 300 are all over the net which are usually US based forums and the terms the use in anything relationship or dating as they call it , are in the 100s and they're in such a mess it's hard tp fathom, if forums are any indication. l always think thk god we're still grounded with feet of the ground here but l see a lot of it creeping in lately even down to little ol oz.

But l have to wonder about both sides of the coin in your case first and about in what he's blaming you for and saying you did , especially with him just disappearing like that. l'm not saying he's right or that disappearing was fair not at all and he most likely is being those things. But did you have any problems , have you got any problems , how did you treat him, were there fights what were they over and things like that. You don't have to spell them all out here l'm just wondering for you yourself that's all.

Anyway , hang in there . rx

[Guest_1643]

HI Von -

I see things a bit differently -
If u asked him how things were going in the r/ship and that lead to him running away, not answering and not speaking to u again - then better u fonund this out now. It's good u asked that question, if it had been bothering u, and wanted to see if the r/ship was going somewhere. He gave you your answer but for whatever reason couldn't give it to you in a direct or compassionate way.
That's also an answer.
It hurts deeply to be rejected and to not have that healthy conversation and break-up, maybe you could write down what you'd wnat to say to him and share it with a friend, or share it here, to process what has happened

Please take care of urself and be gentle, relatioships ending hurts super bad and in whatever way this has hurt you, pleaes try take the time to fill yourself up again with positive experiences.