Friendship Issues

[Dais]

Earlier this year my friend had a thing with another guy this didn’t last long and they ended things. Me and him have been friends for years, so the other night I asked him and another friend around to watch movies. She messaged him asking why he was at my house and had a bit of a go at him. She mentioned within their argument that she had told him that I had gone for other friends exes before and that hurt me because it wasn’t true. I just don’t know how to handle it because she’s mad I hung out with him without telling her when I wasn’t trying to be secretive I just didn’t think I had to tell her.

[james1]

Hello Dais,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like your friend has put you in a really difficult position!

Your opinion that don't need to tell her is a healthy one, because she doesn't own your friendships with other people. That is between you and your other friends.

In my own experience, it is best to deal with these kind of issues just by asserting your independence and presenting facts, without getting into an argument. There is not much you can do about her being mad, but it can be really stressful when a friend is mad at you, and I'm sorry she's put this stress onto you. Do you have any family you can vent to? Or any other friends (preferably who don't know her!) who are fun to hang out with?

James

[Croix]

Dear Dais~

Welcome here, and I frankly do not think it is you that has the problem, it is your freind and his partner. When his partner told him you had been with exes she was probably saying the first thing that came into her head that justified herself and was a weapon to hurt your freind.

They have a problem, Due to his past behavior there will be great trust issues between them and she is probably feeling most insecure, even betrayed. This may make her hyper-vigilant looking for the signs of unfaithfulness.

They have to sort it out.

If your friendship is a stable and long lasting one as I believe you mentioned then just act normally, if you want to invite him to watch a movie just do so.

He can form the judgment as to if it is wise regarding his partner's current feelings.

I like James' idea asking if you have other freinds it is fun to hang out with, sidesteps the whole issue for a while.

Please don't take what someone says to someone else in an argument personally, people that know you will be aware it is untrue.

I hope it sorts out for you without hassles, let us know how you go

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Dais, and a warm welcome to the forums.

How many times not only ourselves but also other friends or even family members caught in a situation like this, right in the middle, not knowing who to please or what to do and the possibility to begin affecting your own mental health.

In a particular situation like this, you can't please two different people on opposite ends as well as yourself, so make a decision based on what you believe is the best and not from being controlled by another person.

This reaction may change in different circumstances and how any event/s are approaching you, but it's your health that comes first.

The decision against the other person can be rectified at another appropriate time.

Take care.

Geoff.