Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MyLadyGirl Partners and relationship stress - Anyone is welcome to Discussed
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone. It's my first time posting and concerned about a situation that most men/women encounter in a relationship. If my post makes people uncomfortable and upsetting I do apologies as it's my though and some experiences that I am going through... View more

Hi Everyone. It's my first time posting and concerned about a situation that most men/women encounter in a relationship. If my post makes people uncomfortable and upsetting I do apologies as it's my though and some experiences that I am going through. All opinion are welcome but must be logic. It's all started when I read articles in Beyond Blue and learned what are people going through where everyone has their issues or problems and is encountering as part of our life. From my understanding and the experiences people out there needs help (due to various reason that in happening in their life), someone want a person to listen (like beyond blue) or someone wants to feel loved and wanting them to keep telling them that they are special and wonderful to be with. Saying that, we become motivated and having a purpose to move on (depending on the individual as not all are the same) But the problem is that people want more that leads to wanting more to heard motivation words from that person which I feel it's not wrong. But what I don't understand is that why you do not believe in yourself even though you are special and wonderful. Yes we need to hear from people first to build up that motivation and spirit but that will not sustain in long period cause there is many reason why someone will not be able to do it in long time due to various reason. It's like my partner. My partner is a wonderful loving person. Yes not all is great as there are loop holes too. He loves to help people that have problems and do not want them to encounter the same thing as he have been in the street for long time and seen lots of things. So my partner tries to help. However, people upper hand the situation where they want more attention and if not given, the person will show the true identify which I think it's wrong. Sorry to be offensive but everyone has their other life that need to take care of. What make me don't understand is that why some people get so wanting with being noticed when you don't see that in one self? Why you need some one to tell you? I know sometimes life does not treat you well but I believe that what we choose until late. I'm not perfect as I have a very bad temper and horrible jealous character towards my partner helping people that are needed and the argument is like hell. But that's what the person want and I need to understand that even if I do not like. So is that person which secretly helping about.

Lovetotravel3 Feeling worthless and emotionally drained
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and the past six living in WA, away from family in the Uk. He has a great job and my kids(teens) have a great life. On the surface we resemble an ideal family. i landed a great job 18 months ago and eve... View more

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and the past six living in WA, away from family in the Uk. He has a great job and my kids(teens) have a great life. On the surface we resemble an ideal family. i landed a great job 18 months ago and everything seemed ok until I realised it was the job from hell, my boss was an out and out bully, most staff left and I was left to do their jobs along with mine..it was draining and had a huge impact on me as a person, mother and wife..I felt trapped, my husband loved the idea of my job and wasn’t supportive of what I was going through. My son (20) attempted suicide and I found him in time for him to be admitted to hospital, the grief and fear that I’d failed as a parent was too much and I quit my job.. my husband hated me, belittled me said I was disgusting for walking out of a job and leaving him to finance our lives..I honestly felt I couldn’t win. A few months ago I started my own business in the same line of work and because it’s taking time to get off the ground he tells me to get in the real world and get a job, he calls me workshy, lazy, and that I have no respect for him. Today he called me to ask for a rundown of what I’ve been doing to pay bills? He even asked for a list of emails to check I’m actually applying for jobs ..I feel utterly useless, I have no energy to get out of bed, I hate myself, I do feel like I’ve let my family down and I feel like I can’t take anymore...

unigirl1994 No sex drive on antidepressants
  • replies: 4

Hi all. I'm not new to this site/these forums but it's the first I've spoken to someone about this issue. Since commencing my anti depressants (3 years ago) my sex drive has slowly dwindled away and I feel like it's causing major strain in my 10 year... View more

Hi all. I'm not new to this site/these forums but it's the first I've spoken to someone about this issue. Since commencing my anti depressants (3 years ago) my sex drive has slowly dwindled away and I feel like it's causing major strain in my 10 year relationship with my boyfriend. We live together and he works shift work most of the week, and has always had a high libido. So when he has time off, it's no surprise he naturally wants to have a lot of sex (which is fine) however I find it so hard to reciprocate his energy. I've just halved the dosage of my medication (after speaking to my GP) in hopes of making things better as I feel like an awful partner however not much has changed. I really wish I wanted sex more, but I just don't often feel into it these days- and I feel like he deserves better... We had a brief chat tonight and he said I need to stop forcing myself into it because it makes him feel worse. Which naturally made me cry and feel even worse about myself. Should I mention I've gained 20kg since starting anti depressants and have lost 7kg since April but still hate the way I look. I feel like he deserves someone prettier, skinnier and with a higher sex drive who isn't mentally screwed up like I am. I don't know how to change my mindset about everything. Any input would be appreciated...

triggerhappy Boundaries with my boyfriend
  • replies: 6

Hey, I am a 17 y/o girl, and my boyfriend is 16 y/o. We met towards the beginning of the year, whereby he asked me out on a date (to which I refused). He took it perfectly, and we have been decent enough friends ever since, although his feelings mode... View more

Hey, I am a 17 y/o girl, and my boyfriend is 16 y/o. We met towards the beginning of the year, whereby he asked me out on a date (to which I refused). He took it perfectly, and we have been decent enough friends ever since, although his feelings moderately persisted. Moving forward to a month ago, I asked him out as I had developed feelings for him over time and morphed into an established relationship perhaps two weeks ago. I felt like we had a nice synergy going on, both being intelligent and respectful humans. Once we became sexually active together it was all well and good, but gradually he became pushier whenever he became aroused and I wasn't in the mood. If I say no he'll listen and be sweet about it all, but still pressures me as he gets over-stimulated when I am in his company. Anyhow, yesterday evening we were just chilling at his house, and I was just having a casual yet assertive conversation with him about how I will be busy for the next fortnight with work and the need to buckle down on it. This naturally led to compassionate cuddling, kissing, etc.. although I wasn't quite in the mood for anything more given how exhausted I was at the time. We go to bed cuddling, then he starts to ramp things up a little, and I politely remind him I am really not in the mood but am all for affection. Fall asleep for a few hours (I am a deep sleeper). I wake up (half awake at least) to him crossing my boundaries. I really don’t know how to feel; certainly pissed and have felt stuck and unable to think critically. On the other hand, I feel like I am overthinking things. I am overreacting? My boyfriend is genuinely a kind person who cares for me, and I feel like his views on boundaries are distorted, perhaps? All I know is that I feel highly uncomfortable. Could do with some insight.

Angel82 So many problems where do I start
  • replies: 2

I have suffered depression and anxiety for past 15 years and have been successfully medicated to the point my life is manageable day to day I have extremely low self esteem and self worth and am my own biggest critic. I have 3 children and am recentl... View more

I have suffered depression and anxiety for past 15 years and have been successfully medicated to the point my life is manageable day to day I have extremely low self esteem and self worth and am my own biggest critic. I have 3 children and am recently divorced 2 years ago after 20 years and have been in a new relationship for 12 months all these recent changes are making life hard to deal with again my kids aren't coping with the divorce as well as I thought and are being very defiant and disrespectful to only me no one else and I'm told that it's my parenting that's the problem by several people including professionals I can't discipline them like I was as a kid cause society says that's wrong so I constantly judge myself on whether Im doing the right thing. My new partner is sweet and caring and loving but also suffers from depression and anxiety and I find that I don't know how to deal with someone suffering from it let alone go through it myself. We love each other and he has had his own past issues with ex's that have left him untrusting and afraid to open up again he says that he wishes he could treat me the way he treated his ex's as I'm the one who deserves it yet after 12 months he still can't he says I need to be his rock and support him through his depression not question him all the time but I've done everything I can and things haven't improved we have a non existent sex life as his depression leaves him uninterested in intimacy which leaves me feeling rejected and unwanted he says I need to understand that it's not about me it's his head but I can't stop my head from over analysing it and thinking it's all my fault he has no drive to move forward or seek help for himself and I feel stuck and helpless

Sashed Chronic lying - teenager
  • replies: 5

A web of lies are starting to unfold from our teenage /step son, to the point that he posted on social media of so called 'abuse' from family members, which is of course a one of many lies. He had been keeping some major secrets (moving out of home) ... View more

A web of lies are starting to unfold from our teenage /step son, to the point that he posted on social media of so called 'abuse' from family members, which is of course a one of many lies. He had been keeping some major secrets (moving out of home) from us and extended but close family, so called 'friends' seemed to know all about it. As he is only in contact us via phone at the moment when we have casually confronted him about the lies, he still answered with lies and blamed his 'friends' for spreading the abuse allegations. We have the cold hard truth. He had been seeing a counsellor with a mental health plan in place, going to a good local school, thriving in sport and had a job. No idea where to start when he agrees to meet us in person to start to talk things through, only to be calm and diplomatic. Obviously he has suffered the trauma in the past of his parents divorce, but where to from here?

LUCIDFOX_X Heavily considering separating from my partner
  • replies: 2

Hey guys... Me again.... Same old confused me! I've been seriously thinking about moving out from my apartment with my partner and breaking up. Really not sure how to approach this very much. I'm really just scared that 1. I might regret it and 2. Ho... View more

Hey guys... Me again.... Same old confused me! I've been seriously thinking about moving out from my apartment with my partner and breaking up. Really not sure how to approach this very much. I'm really just scared that 1. I might regret it and 2. How bad will the loneliness be? It's a struggle at the moment but I don't feel ready to settle down so young and I just don't know if he's the right guy for me... A lot of the time I feel like he is but I also just want to explore other people to? And date? See who else is out there. I feel like I need to go on a self exploration adventure and just go and do stuff. If you read my previous threads, you'll sort of get a better understanding of what kind of person he is. I feel quite tied down due to the fact that he has a criminal record. Any advice anyone? Please?

Georgia777 Accused of abuse
  • replies: 7

I have recently left a relationship where I was accused of abuse. I had on occasion behaved poorly and let fly, however had not viewed this as abusive, but normal, albeit poor behaviour. On occasion I apologised and she let fly with a series of compl... View more

I have recently left a relationship where I was accused of abuse. I had on occasion behaved poorly and let fly, however had not viewed this as abusive, but normal, albeit poor behaviour. On occasion I apologised and she let fly with a series of complaints about things like me having stuff in our shared house and failure to complete some tasks around the house. She did not accept my apologies, therefore I found this frustrating and felt the need to leave the house. I am confused about the boundary between normal but extreme/ unacceptable outburst and abuse and am taking this labelling very hard.

Emeraldeye Will mediation help with abusive family member
  • replies: 13

Four five years now, I have suffered from narcissistic abuse from my sister in law. This abuse has ranged from simple shunning, name calling, and manipulating situations so that myself and my husband and children are cut out of family events... to qu... View more

Four five years now, I have suffered from narcissistic abuse from my sister in law. This abuse has ranged from simple shunning, name calling, and manipulating situations so that myself and my husband and children are cut out of family events... to quite severe verbal abuse, screaming and lunging at me, gaslighting and sustained bullying. Some of her emotional outbursts have been in front of my young children, and three times now I've had to deal with the fallout of her inappropriate behaviour in front of them and explain it away so they don't feel so distressed. During this time, I have asked perhaps a dozen times if she would meet to talk through our issues and try and put it all behind us... This has always been refused, and the only communication I've really received from her with regards to what her perspective is in this whole situation is abusive communication.... so not only do I have really no idea what I've done/I do to trigger this kind of extreme behaviour, but I have had given absolutely no voice to express the hurt I've felt. I myself have been treated for depression, anxiety and PTSD as a result of some of these attacks and the ongoing bullying, and it's been a terrible time for my husband also, who has also been diagnosed with depression. I made the decision a while ago to stop being around her at all, block her on my phone etc, and prioritise our healing. This has been hard for the wider family to understand, but they have mainly supported us. I've been through a great deal of counselling, and started to make headway, and we tried going to a few family events again. But then more recently there was another flare-up, and the abuse went to a level that really scared me. She also said she never wanted anything to do with me ever again. For me, that was it... I'd reached my limit. I had had enough. I was happy to give her what she wanted. I cut all ties again, moved on mentally and have missed out on family events where she was there, just so I could find peace in my head once again. But then all of sudden, my husband and I get a request for us to go to mediation with them. It's so strange. Anyone else with any experience on mediation within families? Or experienced narcissistic abuse and had any positive outcomes either through reconcilliation? Or should I follow my gut, and stay away?!!

Questions_ Advice Anyone?
  • replies: 6

Hi, I've been trying to make sense of my marriage and what I should do. In a nutshell, my wife and I have been married for 11 years. We have known each other most of our lives and have two beautiful children. Five months ago I suspected she was in an... View more

Hi, I've been trying to make sense of my marriage and what I should do. In a nutshell, my wife and I have been married for 11 years. We have known each other most of our lives and have two beautiful children. Five months ago I suspected she was in an emotional affair with one of the single Dad's at school. Over this time, it has been confirmed she has feelings for him but wouldn't cheat on me as she is married. She mentions she wants us to work and that she loves me but not in love with me. She tells me me she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. My obvious thought is what have I done wrong - is it me, is it my fault. I am in a high profiled job, spend tremendous time with the family, take her to amazing events and am very affectionate and loving towards her. And she recognises that. However, the spark for some reason has vanished. For five months I put up with the situation at school until I finally confronted him on the issue. As a result, he has cuts ties with her (communication wise) and she now resents me for doing so. Her argument is that I am forcing who she can and can not talk too, yet on the other hand tells me she has feelings for him. I have threatened many times to walk away, but she says to give her one last chance to try and make it work. Friends and family can not even fathom why she is so confused. To make matters worse, when we talk about it, she shuts down, doesn't speak and gets angry. Counseling won't work because, as she states, there is nothing more I can do - she needs to work it out. As it stands right now, we both agree we want to try and work this out (but this is the same conversation we have had 40+ times before). My concern is as she doesn't open up to me, and is confused of the situation, I really don't know where I stand. It is heart breaking as I am in constant purgatory. I know time may bring us back together and I should give her some space to sort things out whilst (no matter how I'm feeling) being supportive. Separation won't work as I'm the type of person that would need to move on. Something I think she also recognises. It almost feels like she is wanting me to make the decision for her. Oh and as a side note. This guy is a single dad who has done time in prison for assault - we couldn't be any more chalk and cheese. I would be interested to hear from anyone else that has had this happen to them and what steps they took to move forward? Confused.