For those who have betrayed and being betrayed. A question for you.

[Leonie230]

Im struggling with being betrayed by my husband. Im trying to keep our family together since this has happened. We are both actively trying to repair the damage hes done and wants his family back again.

My question is does the person who did the betrayl deep down think their partner is an idiot for wanting to repair the brokenness? Sometimes I feel that he must just look at me sometimes and think what a idiot I am for not walking away completely.

Leonie

[Guest_7403]

They lack the moral compass that faithful partners have.

Cheating is just a lack of respect in your partner, to them it isn't a problem

[Brad49]

as you know my wife cheated on me for 2 years and walked out september... i dont think she thinks im a idiot.. but she knows i love her still. Problem is i think shes trying to take advantage of that fact.. i also agree with what the borderline said above.

[Croix]

Dear Leonie~

I've read your account of your husband deserting you in:

Forums / Relationship and family issues / Struggling

and think those circumstances do make a big difference. He went away for a short time, then extended 4 weeks into 10 months, and then said he was not coming back. His family overseas seemed more important to him than his wife and children. That is an awful thing to do and if it was me I'm not sure I could trust him again - no matter what he says. In fact I'd be worried I'd slip into old ways and then have it all happen again.

You asked what he thinks of you, basically if you are being taken advantage of. I'm not sure anyone can answer that. All I can suggest is if you do want it to work and the children are in favor then you don't have much choice but to keep going.

Obviously telling him it is now or never might have some effect, but if it was me I'd always be reserved.

On the practical side, can I suggest you continue to ensure he cannot take off overseas with the children. Professional advice on that might be a good thing. You did say the children were important to him before.

If it is any consolation forgiving and wanting it to work strikes my as realistic, caring and brave - not an idiot at all. If anything he was the idiot for throwing so much away.

Croix

[Leonie230]

Thanks for your reply Croix.

I'm reserved for sure. There's no chance he'll take the girls. They'd scream the airport down and they're too old to manipulate. They are weary too. Thank you again for your reply. It's good advice.

[Croix]

Dear Leonie~

You're welcome. I would imagine the situation - and your feelings about it - are going to change as time goes on, so please feel you can discuss things here, at least we might be able to supply some perceptive, plus maybe you will not feel alone, as you can see others have similar problems to try to deal with.

I'm pleased to hear you have taken steps about him taking your children for an overseas 'holiday' Sadly it can happen.

Do you have others in your life you can speak frankly with and give you support?

Croix

[shining]

I understand the question but have one of my own relating to my own story. Am I an idiot for staying??

[Yikes007]

Is he doing it for you or the kids?