Fiancé chatting online and compulsively lies

[bonchm]

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years next month. 
2 weeks ago I caught him on a dating site. He swore blue in the face it wasn’t him, he had been hacked. Made out he had made a police report. Made me feel crazy for not letting it go. 
1 week later, I sat in front of him and went though his emails. He thought he had covered his tracks but I found proof of his ads. 
He swears that he never met anyone but I can’t believe him. 

I told a mutual friend. Turns out this is how is marriage ended, literally 3 months before I met him!! 

I don’t know who he is! He has been on this site since we got together! He was chatting while I was in hospital with threatened pre term labour and still just after I had had his baby!! 

I keep digging and finding more. I can my stop, it’s driving me crazy. 
emails to other women talking about things that we were excited about. He’s emotionally sharing with other women, sending cheeky memes to both me and another at the same time. 

i reallllly don’t know what to do either 😔😔

I want this to work for the kids (big blended family) and I have never felt this way about someone before. But writing his actions down and re reading them, if it were a friend I’d tell them to run from him. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome,

I'm a 68yo happily married man with a defence/security background.  I've worked with and lived with a lot of men and sadly many are deceitful, sneaky and able to easily fool their partners. When cornered with evidence they usually have a planned excuse coupled with placing doubts in one's mind which is gaslighting "if you don't believe me that there's something wrong with you".

Now that you have proof and he is a serial cheater, the question you should have is - are you willing to tolerate his behaviour ongoing? Because, he is not likely to change.

The issue with a blended family etc is the fallout of his actions. 

There is only one conversation I'd have with him- "is there any areas of our relationship that you think are absent that if corrected, would result that you would cease cheating (emotional cheating is cheating).

If his answer is things that you can improve on then go ahead and try, if not then it won't matter, it will continue.

Sad news but hoping you'll work it all out is unlikely.

You deserve better.

TonyWK