Feels like im drowning

[MissMel]

Hi everyone,

My partner and I have been together for 16 years. We had a baby young, and our issues started then. We have always pushed through our issues, we never resolve anything and just move on.
We bought a house together 8 years ago, and then shortly after he started having issues with his back. His back causes him ALOT of pain, which makes him angry. Door slamming, yelling, and swearing are common our house. Our house is falling apart, and his back is always the reason things don't get done. Our huge yard is out of control and his family has offered to help clean it up, but he refuses.
When approached about the house, he tells me that he needs me to help get it all done. But I am overwhelmed with working full time, doing all the cooking and the cleaning. When I explain that to him, he says he is trying to help around the house, but the most he can do is feeding the pets because everything else hurts his back. Im left feeling like an unappreciated maid.
Ive been sleeping in the lounge for months. We have had some huge fights, and some things have been said that make me feel lower than ever. He has told me that im a bad person, that im lazy and that he regrets telling people that im supportive partner. Its also become clear that he is holding onto a night from 14 years ago when we were drunken kids, I broke up with him and was with someone else. We got back together a couple weeks later, but its still being brought up 14 years later.
We both have depression and anxiety which is hard. I know Im not blameless in is. When things get hard, I put walls up and shut down to protect myself.
I made the decision a couple weeks ago to move out and rent for 6 months. I suggested counselling months ago but was told that if I wanted it, I would have to pay for it. I have the support of my family and have signed the lease already. Its going down with him like a tonne of bricks. I've asked him to please let us trial it so we can try and heal ourselves. But he said if I leave, I won't be able to come back.
I can't sleep, I cant eat. Im always shaking and close to hyperventilating. I feel so guilty, like I'm abandoning him. He needs help too but I just can't give that to him. Im terrified that Im making a huge mistake and breaking our family up. Im trying to get help. Ive seen my GP and started a mental health plan and I've made an appointment for myself with Relationships Australia. I love him so much and im heart broken but I also cant go on like this.

[MissMel]

Ive had a really bad couple of days since I last posted.

One night he is telling me that we will try and get through this and that he is willing to try counselling, the next night he is calling me selfish for leaving, calling me a bitch, and telling me that he has records of how I've been a bad partner.

Im so stressed about his financial situation after I move out, I've been waking up in the middle of the night, every night worrying about him.

Its our son's birthday tomorrow and I want to do is throw up and sleep.

[Guest909]

Hi Mel

Your husband's mood swings are consistent with the abuse of strong pain medication. Throw in weed and alcohol and the problem gets worse. I've seen first hand what an addiction to prescription medication can do; it destroys marriages.

At this point in time I don't think that you can help him; the medication is an addiction which is no different to an illicit addiction to drugs. If you want to help him, you need to get him off the medication; easier said than done. Don't take anything he says to heart; it's the addict talking.

I really do think that you should move out for your own safety; this type of addiction is generally accompanied by violence. That being said, I'm not a professional.

Once you move out, give yourself some time to heal before turning you mind to financial matters. You said that your husband got a recent inheritance; that should tide him over until you are mentally and emotionally ready to deal with the family finances.

Step one; move out!

I hope this help.

[MissMel]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to check in and give an update.

I have 4 days till I move out. Im feeling confident about the move now and I can even say Im looking forward to it!

I had my first appointment with RA last week and despite being told from several sources that what I'm living through is a form of family violence and domestic abuse, it's been really difficult to wrap my head around.

Sleep is still the biggest issue, Im becoming all too familiar with 3 and 4am.

Mel.

[Guest_7403]

You could talk to your GP about short term medications to help get your sleeping pattern back to normal

Good sleep is very important to having a better mindset

[Guest909]

Hi Mel

Good for you! I think you have made the right decision.

In regards to your sleep problems, I would agree with Theboarderline. You can only run on adrenalin for so long. Your GP will most likely write a script of an anti-anxiety medication. It will make a huge difference to your quality of life. I know it helped me to get through a tough time.

Please let us know how you are going from time to time.

Cheers