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Feeling guilty and scared about breaking up with my partner

Gracie_1234
Community Member

Hi,

I’m new to this and decided to come here for a bit of advice as I am feeling a little lost.
I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for nearly 2 and a half years. At first our relationship was wonderful, however, over the past about 8 months or so, several cracks in the relationship have begun appearing. We argue a lot, so much that I feel as if it is starting to exhaust me. I just don’t really think that we “get” each other as much as we originally did.
A few times over the past 8 months, during arguments, I’ve tried to end things with him. However, he always talks me out of it and I agree to stay. In the past, he has told me that “he doesn’t know what he’d be capable of”if I left. He has also said that’s “he doesn’t know how he would react”. I worry about that he is implying something horrible and therefore find it incredibly difficult to leave him.
Even if he doesn’t do anything to himself if I left, I know that it will completely crush him. I genuinely really care about him, and can’t find it in my heart to really hurt someone for my self benefit. It feels selfish.
I am also struggling with the idea of not being with him. We share friends, his family loves me, everyone thinks we’re going to end up getting married. Breaking up with him would be such a huge shock for everyone and my life would change drastically. I’m finding it hard to work out whether or not leaving him is the right thing for me to do because of all this. I guess I just don’t know whether I should stay or not, this is my first relationship, so I don’t really know what it is meant to feel like long term.
To add in another complication, a little while ago I met someone through mutual friends who I really clicked with. I feel so guilty about this, but I can’t help my feelings and I really like this person. I don’t know if this is just a “crush”/normal to have in long term relationships, or if this is a sign of something more. The bottom line is that I feel more excited seeing this new person, than I do with my boyfriend. I feel incredibly trapped and I’m not too sure how to handle this situation.
I am currently seeing a Psychologist due to anxiety issues, however, I haven’t bought this up yet as I am finding this incredibly hard to talk about. I almost don’t want to admit it to myself. This is the first time I have talked about it.
Thankyou so much for reading this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

1 Reply 1

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Gracie,

Welcome to the community here. I believe there are many different options you can take in relation to your situation. People here will make suggestions, only you will know the right things to do, even if you make mistakes along the way.

If you feel comfortable, print out what you have written here and show it to your psychologist. It will provide them with a better understanding of what you are experiencing in life right now.

I believe we are all accountable for our own actions. Yes, outside influences do affect us, but ultimately, it is ourselves that controls our thoughts an actions. Harsh but true at times.

If a person tells us they can't live without us, is it then our duty to stay with that person and be unhappy? Separation is difficult, it does feel horrible, sometimes it is necessary.

Maybe write down the reasons for leaving Verses the reasons to stay. Consider what you have written.

If you did not have this other person in your life would you feel the same way about leaving?

Could you have a trial separation?

Would you consider couples counselling?

There are lots of things to consider. Hope you find some answers and can stick to a plan of what you want to do.

Regards from Dools