Fear of aging

[Guest_08076222]

Daughter is leaving to go to uni and I’ve got empty nest syndrome but more so I’m jealous of her starting out in life when malice is getting to the end, I’m scared of getting older and only have a limited time left

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, I hope you will find some fresh ideas here.

It sounds as if you have (not had) a close relationship with your daughter and now you are feeling an emptiness. The relationship is still there, however you may not see nearly as much of each other once uni starts.

That feeling of emptiness could keep on going unless you do something about it. You do not know how much time is allotted to t you, a lot or a little. In either event taking on something that occupies and pleases you is important.

Hopefully you have, or will get, friends to be company, and maybe you could even be a support to those in your position. Isolation s an enemy of happiness for many.

I've no idea your circumstances or likes and dislikes, however there is a wider world out there and there most certainly will be things you enjoy and get satisfaction from. Anything from a choir to assisting at an animal shelter, working in a library or meals on wheels. Yes, I'm just guessing, that are probably all horrible suggestions however you get the idea.

Fill your new life with matters you can look back on with satisfaction, things you can come to enjoy.

If you would like to say how you get on we would be very interested

Croix

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at this major transitional time in your life, not an easy time.

Not sure whether you can relate to the inner dialogue that can come about at such a time of reflection and forward planning. It's said that different parts of us will come to the forefront at different times in our life

• While 'the realist' in us may say 'You've only got a certain number of years left, what are you going to do with them?', it may have a good point. What are we going to do with those years? Are we going to sit back or are we going to make them perhaps the most enjoyable and productive years of our life? How can that be achieved?
• While 'the adventurer' in us may say 'You've never adventured all that much outside the square, it's time to get out of your comfort zone', it may have a good point. What's outside our comfort zone that's worth exploring?
• While 'the financial planner' in us may dictate 'You can afford to do more than you're currently doing. What's worth investing your time and money in, in the way of self development? What's going to pay off for you?', it may have a good point. It could be time to start investing more, in things that are going to really develop us and serve us

I could go on with examples of the chatty parts of us that can perhaps be pushing us to make significant changes.

I've found over the years that a sense of wonder is something that is an absolute must when it comes to managing my mental health. I can either simply face the facts or face the facts and then go on to wonder about them. As a 54yo mum, I'm getting older and my 2 kids are far less dependent on me. That's a fact. I wonder though about what I'm going to do in the way of self development as I now have so much more time to myself. While I reflect on the passport photo I had taken yesterday, I actually laugh. I think it was the realist in me that gave me a bit of a wake up call with the words 'You look haggard, unbalanced (in the way of asymmetry), old and tired'. The reason I laugh is because that's exactly how I've been feeling lately - haggard, out of balance, old and tired and this was reflected in the photo. As I wonder what I'm actually going to do about changing things, I imagine looking very different in the next passport photo in 10 years time. What am I going to do within the next 10 years that is going to lead me to feel vibrant and well balanced? I have my work cut out for me and a lot of bad habits to eliminate 😁

I think sometimes it's about what we wonder about that can be a part of the problem. We can wonder about how many years we're got left or we can begin seriously wondering about what we're going to do with them. Once we begin imagining what we can do with them, a whole new world of possibility can open up. I know, it's all easier said than done. Sometimes it pays to have people in our life to help us imagine in productive ways. Maybe this is something your daughter could help you with. Could she lead you to imagine what's worth focusing on and investing your time in once she moves out? She may have to come up with a number of ideas before she hits on one that may be of interest.