Empty friends/empty family = alone

[Ambrosia]

Hi. Well, it's prob been a yr since I posted - but hey, if any time of yr could make you feel bad, it's Xmas!

How many genuine friends do people have? Really? I'm 41 and my circle is incredibly small. My husband is FANTASTIC and my best friend I have some old friends that's very hard to see (I work I hospitality and the hrs are non-conducive to maintaining relationships).

my family life is a mess. My mother died 7 yrs ago, my father left me for another woman (he has cancer but we can't see him because she won't let us), I'm estranged from my sister and my brother only appears when he needs too. One so-called best friend (of almost 30 yrs), stopped talking to me because we had a falling out (I believe many mature people would see it for what it was and move on - although deep down I believe it's because she's so miserable that my happy marriage and successes is pushing to the forefront the misery she's trying to deny). My other so-called best friend, of 20 yrs or so, became so unsupportive and rude and belittling, I'm guessing over the same thing), that I called it quits last year.

so now it's me, my husband, a handful of old workmates that I struggle to see (I've lost some along the way - the girl I was bridesmaid for moved to tassie and forgot to tell me!) and my beloved cat.

i work a lot but I adore the commerardery of my workplace that I don't want to give it up because then I'm worried I would lose those friends too (I know I will . Staff range from 19-47 yo so I know a lot of it is friends due to location).

I just don't want to be alone . I love spending time by myself but I can't handle loneliness.

so how many friends do adults have? What's common? I'm proud I cleared false friends out of my life over the years but I don't want to be alone . I won't cope. That's why I work so much and have gone back to Uni. To fill a hole where my love and trust disappeared to.

[Ambrosia]

Hi Croix,

thank you for your reply, yes, I really am looking for the WHY of it all. I just feel/felt down that I lost two extremely close friends that were both from high school and the last real links to my past. I am aquatinces with two other school friends but the history is not there and it's not the same.

although tonight I caught up with two other friends that I realised are very close and real confidants, even though one's been in my life for 12 months and the other for 10 years. Funny, I can relate more to them than the other two high school ones. It's strange and weird in a good way. I've read lots of sayings that suggest that it's not about how long someone has been in your life but the quality of the relationship.....and tonight made me truly understand that.

I do miss my other two friends but I must focus on the other things that are even better- better friends, genuine company, a lovely job, a love for the academics and the best one yet: an amazing husband whom I love with every ounce of my being and that I know he reciprocates.

I sm blessed.

thabks to everyone for replying and getting me through the loneliness of Xmas much appreciated!

Best of luck to you all. Xox