Emotionally unavailable

[Vivian2302-]

I have been with my partner for 8 years. When we first started dating he was kind, romantic, expressed his feelings quite well, and openly. About a year into our relationship he cheated. We worked through it. Over the years however, he’s become very emotionally unavailable. Whenever I bring this up, he gets defensive and will say things like this is how I am if you don’t like it go find someone else. 
I often feel like I can’t communicate my feelings or insecurities as it just turns into a fight and he gives me the silent treatment.
I don’t feel like I’m asking a lot, I just want to feel secure and have reassurance from him. I’m feeling very emotionally exhausted and any advice would help.  

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Vivian,

From what you have decided to share with us it looks like you have put a lot of effort to help your partner, satisfy his needs, and trying to save your relationship. It's not your fault, you have tried and tried but unfortunately, it's him who hasn't been interested in investing in saving your relationship. It's natural to go over "we should've done this... or that" or "what if..." But if it's only one person working on saving the relationship more than likely things are not going to improve. 
I can only imagine what a difficult position you are in atm. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. I am with Fiatlux on obtaining some legal advice. Especially if a child is involved. 
As Fiatlux was saying, only because the house is in his name, legally things might still look different. Describe your situation to a legal professional and hear them out. Don't let your partner bully you into conviction that after 8 years of living together, him cheating at least once, him not putting any effort into your relationship, that he is still entitled to everything. 

Please take care and if you feel like it, please let us know how you go. 

xx

ltf

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry that you are going through a tough time with your relationship. Have you ever heard of the "Honeymoon phase"? Often, the first year or so of the relationship is generally when you are infatuated with each other. Over time, the love still remains but the need to constantly be together and constantly talk decreases as you both become comfortable in the relationship. Unfortunately, your partner cheated on you, and whilst this was many years ago, the feelings of betrayal on your side may still be present and might be unresolved. This can cause conflict. It does not seem like he is listening or taking your concerns into account. I would be explaining this to him, seeking relationship counselling and if it does not improve, it might be time to move on. After being with someone for so long, I know you must want to make it work but sometimes moving on might be the best for you and someone better might be out there. If he is not willing to improve and work through this with you, that's on him.

I hope things improve,

Jaz xx

[Vivian2302-]

Thankyou so much, everyone for all of your kind words and advice. I really appreciate it.