Does anyone understand my need for space ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi to one and all.

l'm really hoping this might be a thread that runs awhile because things often get nutted out and lots of ideas get tossed around. So if your a spacey person or just have something to say, please just go for it . l mean it might be something very uncommon and so this could be it, but l don't really know. l do know though if l don't get a grip on this and figure it out it might end up costing me dearly, again.

The problem is , although l absolutely love my gf's company and we co exist beautifully , she's even a reasonably spacey person herself , at times, l just need more. She sometimes says l run from her , ex w said similar, and tbh, sometimes l do but just to get some space and a need to just be on my own again for awhile.

l've had this thing my whole life , with friends, family, even my ex w. She'd finally come home from work hadn't seen her since 8 that morning, yet be home 2 or 3 hrs and l'd need to be alone awhile.again And when l am, hrs or even the rest of the night could pass and l'd hardly notice , apart from feeling guilty.

lt's very very hard on a relationship and many times l've thought maybe , l just can't be in one. Any friends over the years l could easily move off when it's time, but you know , you can't just consistently keep doing that in a relationship to someone that loves you and naturally wants to be with ya. And l do them , but it's more a sort of when l feel like it thing , that's all. And the amount l feel like , even with any woman l've ever been with, would only be about 30 or 40 % of the time give or take , maybe less. l often , even pass up curling up on the couch with a movie together , by the time it comes around of a night l'm often just needing some alone time again.

l can even easily just sleep on my own and l don't even miss them , l actually love the space when l can get it..

l really don't understand why the hell l'm like this or if l could ever change now at this age anyway, or if l should or wth to do about myself or relationship.

lt's not a personal thing , l've been this way with anyone l've ever been with and l'm very very fussy so if l'm with her it's because l thoroughly enjoy her , Buttttt, yet l am also like this. Unless l just never met a woman l wouldn't feel like this around, couldn't see that though as l'm like this with anyone everyone.

Does anyone have any understanding or experience with this sort of thing , any ideas , thoughts .?

[Guest_1584]

Hey querc

Well l can say nope it's not a learned thing with me , or my daughter, l recognized it all in her even back when she was only 3 or 4, exactly like l was.

Even then l liked being on my own and always needed that space , l liked people when l liked them , but when my time was up it was up. Even when my daughter was 2 or 3 she'd push us away when she'd had enough , even point away with her hand like go away l just wanna be alone and do my thing for awhile. lt really worried my w but l'd say nah , and explain. So we'd just leave her be for an hour or two to just play with her stuff , she was as happy as then, as she got older lucky me l always got the job of kicken her friends out when l'd see she was ready,

l say more like inherited from your mum than learned , but hey , if you only need an hour your really really lucky. l need days , even a week or two after too many people things. My daughters already the same and easily checks out from her friends for a week a time already.

lt kinda makes me laugh really.

[Guest_1584]

btw querc yeah your right about the routine. l've had mine for years and now with gf .l'm fine as long as l get that , all good.

lf you can develop one for yourself your family will get use to it and soon you can rely on a few hours to yourself , maybe try that. my ex w didn't like it but she sort of got that l had to have it so my time was just left to me.

[Guest_1584]

Just a little update.

l've been a lot better lately, it's taken awhile for sure but l am getting use to someone else in the house and she's been her usual fantastic and very understanding self.to which sure helps.

but l've also been working on myself too and these just leave me alone traits l have, but more tolerant and in particular appreciative of how luck l am we are to even gel to the crazy degree that we just do.not even 20yrs married did ex and l come close to this that we have,

we're also finding just more just natural routine and that leads to not only understanding that this is my time or that's her time or whatever , but also to reliable hours you know you'll get just to yourself and some down time.

Things like all that are crucial to me but they do take time m if ever actually, and likemindedness and just understanding of each others quirks too, but it's all been working itself out by the look of it anyway sooooo, we see l suppose.

Best to all. rx