Disrespectful, Dependant Adult Child

[Fiatlux]

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying.

I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s.

My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for everything including money. He refuses to apply for Job Seeker.

Today he sent me an awful message blaming me for his position.

He refuses to move out of home and refuses to look for work, expecting me to find him a job through my connections.

I am at my wits end today. I can’t even focus on my own work let alone him today.

Help and advice would be appreciated.

[quirkywords]

Flatlux

y our title caught my attention because I was one many decades ago. i had bipolar,ar at a time when there was little I drstanding, and I would go to uni for a term get depressed come home, get co fix et again start another course drop out come home etc.

I know your son has different issues and I know it is really affecting you but ta the time I had so much self loathing and low self esteem, I never thought about how my behaviour affected my parents..

You have been given helpful suggestions and I liked the way Dummer rose talked about gently pushing with understanding.

My siblings and my peers all were succeeding at uni and careers so I felt so lost.

I admire how much you care for your son and how much support you offer.

[Fiatlux]

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you for your response and advice.

I have been dealing with my son’s learning difficulties since he started primary school. He has been tested for everything, even had an IQ test and has seen every medical and educational profession there is to help assist him through school.

He is 25 now and quite honestly if he came to me and told me that he was going to go fishing and live an alternative lifestyle, I would support if that would make him happy.

He has been to headspace during high school and had counselling through Beyondblue after leaving school.

He loves to cook and experiment at home in the kitchen but wouldn’t consider cooking for a profession. Too much hard work and I get it. Cooking is a hobby.

All I can do is be patient and wait and hope that something will click for him.

Its not his lack of work that hurts, it’s his total disrespect and disregard for me that really hurts. 🙏🏼

[Summer Rose]

Hi Fiatlux

Sounds like you two have traveled a long road together and sadly never received the answers you were looking for. I’m sorry.

My daughter has OCD. She fell unexpectedly and severely unwell at age 13. It took a lot of effort to find the right help and to support her through her education. A careers counsellor was a big help to us when navigating what to do after high school, which is why I suggested it.

I guess I’m just saying that I know it’s really hard for you and that I understand the highs and lows of your journey with your son. You are not alone.

The disrespect part of your story I’ve experienced with my son. He’s now mid-twenties and we have a great relationship but we’ve had our moments.

After a bad breakup with a girlfriend my son was intolerable—but only to me. My husband put a stop to it with a sentence: stop talking to my wife like that or you’ll have to leave.

I appreciate that doesn’t necessarily help you but again you are not alone. When our kids are in pain it’s those closest to them that seem to cop it.

Your son is still young and there is time to be patient but I wouldn’t give up on seeking answers and help. Maybe he just hasn’t met the right counsellor yet. It can get better.

Take good care of yourself.

Kind thoughts to you

[Fiatlux]

I feel it’s time to reactivate this conversation… it has been almost two years!

Things are getting worse.

Its January 2024 and disrespectful son will be 27 next month and like I said he is getting worse every year every month every day…

He swears at me, calls me vile names and generally gets angry and aggressive for absolutely no reason.

This morning, before I had even had a sip of my coffee, he started swearing at me because a parcel arrived for me from China. He had absolutely no idea what was inside the package but started yelling and swearing and calling me stupid for ordering anything from China.

I ordered new outdoor cushion inserts as I wanted to refresh my outdoor lounge area. Our local Bunnings didn’t have the size I needed in stock. These too are Made in China. 

I don’t have the patience to explain this to my terrible son. I am seriously starting to dislike him.

Husband was present during this tirade and said nothing. I told husband that I want him out of the house immediately. This is just a small example of what I am subjected to on a daily basis.

Husband asked me where do I think son is going to go? I told him I am not concerned where he goes. A coworker of ours removed his own disrespectful son from his home as soon as he turned 18. Husband informed me that this son is now incarcerated. I replied that I believe that is where our son is headed also. 

I love my son and wouldn’t wish him any harm, but I am definitely done with him.