Difficulty moving forward

[Mrslayla]

Hi,

I recently found out the my husband of 6 years and my partner of 17 had an affair last year. The timing of it all coming out wasn't great as I had just had our second child. I know he loves me and that it was an error in judgement but I am struggling with it. The trust is of course gone and I'm left constantly feeling like I'm not good enough and wondering how he could do that to me if he loves me?

Add to that my other son has been diagnosed with autism and I have found that very hard to constantly hear negative things said about him from all the specialists he is seeing.

Roght now I feel like I'm not coping, crying all the time (when no one is around) and just wanting to run away. I feel so much guilt saying that because I am a mother and I love my children but I feel as if I'm not enough for anyone and just not doing anything well.

[white knight]

Hi Mrslayla, welcome

Of course you arent coping as you have been under so much pressure. Lets see how we can help.

When it comes to affairs by partners what people do, how they tackle it is subjective. Some forgive but never forget, some never forgive and some take the odd route of well if he can do it so can I.

My wife and I agree that once trust is broken its gone.

If you decide to continue on with your marriage seeking counseling is mandatory. Set your goals with this. If he objects in any way then he wouldnt be acting in a manner of feeling guilty and expecting you to move on. If thats the case then "its all about him not you".

I think you have every right to put him fully under the microscope for as long as you need.

You can start with your gp.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Mrslayla, I have to agree with Tony, once trust has been broken it takes a lot of work and dedication to bring it back again, if that's possible, especially as the timing wasn't at all appropriate.
As you say it was 'an error in judgement' and I think you're being very gracious by saying that he's taken his own needs in preference over the family, and to me that's inexcusable.
I'm really sorry to learn that one of your sons has autism so trying to handle both of these situations isn't going to make you well at all, but can I say that you are doing your best and should never feel as though you're not good enough, I would refuse to accept that because being a new mum who has to work 24/7 at home always does a great job, it's hard work.
I'm sorry you have had to wait close to a year before you contacted us, because it must have been terrible trying to cope with this by yourself.
Your husband may say that he loves you, but 'the horse has bolted' as they say, but trust isn't only a word for love, faith and dedication, it's also a word for honesty.
I hope we will hear back from you. Geoff.

[Danni4]

Hi,

I also have a daughter diagnosed with autism. It was very hard when they diagnosed her but two years on and she is getting funding and I am starting to understand more about it. There are great Facebook pages that can help.

I also had a husband who cheated on me but I didn't know until years later. He continued to flirt with other women and then I did exactly as him. I should have left him and now I'm being shamed. If you feel at all like getting away, do it cleanly and make a new start. My family and a few friends have been wonderful in supporting me to make that new start.