Depression after a heartbreak
I'm new here. I've been experiencing depression ever since I had my heart broken a few months ago. I live next door to this guy and we work together. His new girlfriend was one of my close friends. I've been trying so hard to be professional and mature about the whole situation, but it hurts so badly. Every time I think I've reached the stage where I can forgive them and move on, something happens to trigger the hurt all over again.
The new girlfriend is visiting him this weekend and I'm so afraid of bumping into them in the driveway. I want to be able to be courteous, but I just feel so twisted up inside. I wish I could move or change jobs, but neither of those things is an option right now.
All of my support people live interstate and I just feel so isolated and alone right now. I talk about it to anyone at work. I've been receiving regularly help through a counsellor, but I just felt so sad this evening and didn't feel able to call any of my friends and family again. I know they love me but I hate burdening them. I just didn't know where to turn to. So, I found this forum.
Can anyone relate? How would you deal in this sort of situation? I want to be able to move on, but I just feel so hurt. I feel like I'll never be happy again.
Wow, that sounds like a really difficult situation for you. Neighbours AND co-workers AND an ex-friend, sounds like a trifecta of complexity.
I can totally see why you'd be finding it so difficult to move on - there's certainly something to be said for 'out of sight, out of mind' and of course, he's always right there in front of you, and you can't get away. I admire your stance on trying to be courteous and professional, it would take a lot of personal strength to be able to do that, so you should be really proud of yourself for that.
I just wanted to say, I'm sure your friends and family don't see talking to you about this issue as you 'burdening' them - I'm sure they would see it as them giving you support that they know you need. If the situation was reversed, I doubt you would feel burdened? Sometimes one of the hardest things we can do is to fall down and be helped back up again by those who love us - we don't want to fall, we don't want to have to ask our friends to pick us back up again, we feel terrible that they need to hold our hand a little. But yet, we would do it for them without even thinking about it, and consider it a privilege.
If you can afford it, a short and cheap holiday out of town for a week or two might help your headspace a little, but that's not always an option (caravan park by the sea and a good book, etc).
Stay strong, and try to keep your head up. It can be hard, but lean on your friends and it becomes that little bit less hard.
Forgive me if I need it spelled out (I like things to be obvious) but I take it that you were in a relationship with your neighbor at some point right? How long and serious was this before it finished?
I do kind of relate though and if this gives you any kind of ease then, good. I have two "recent" ex girlfriends, a long term one and a short term one. The short term, Ex 2, I am still not over by a long shot. It hit me harder than the long term, with only a fraction of the time spent. Both of them are involved in the same sporting club as I and I find myself trying to avoid certain classes they are in (Ex 2. one more so) because I'm not sure what to do, say, how to handle being around them. It's tough, it is awkward.
Two of the locations they go to are only around the block from me so it is easy to be self conscious about them being close by. Occasionally they might appear in a class I didn't expect to see them at and my anxiety goes up. Ex 2 also lives close by, we have places that we formed memories about and I find myself avoiding them as they are "triggers" and yet I don't get that same sadness from the million different places that Ex 1 and I used to go to. So with Ex 2, I'm constantly a bit "paranoid" that I might run into her out and about in the neighborhood, shopping centre, etc. It's hard to relax, it's like I'm a fugitive constantly on the lookout for cops in the crowd.
I have never felt like this before.
I understand your anguish. It's a tough situation. It's exacerbated for you to as a friend is involved. I imagine how much you're hurting. I also relate to the isolation very, very well. Jax's suggestion is a good one, if you could take a break even just for a few days elsewhere, it could be a good way to get away from that environment and the chance of seeing them around. It's not a solution to the whole thing, but it's a start.