Daughter hasnt allowed access to Grandson for 7 1/2 months & have 2 month old Grand daughter I've never seen

[Denise_B_]

7 1/2 months ago I refused to lie for my daughter and so she used the 1 thing she could that would hurt she has refused to allow me time with my precious grandson who use to ring me daily and have regular Tuesdays with me and a lot of sleepovers. While taking her to court is an option I dont want to. I know that the last time I saw Arthur was 9.24 on the 9th February. My heart feels like its being ripped out. I find it hard to function and I'm getting councilling but its hard to explain to people that you struggle to put one foot in front of the other. Then last night I was told by my son that My Daughter hates my guts. Like the knife in my heart just gets turned a little more. My daughter has not only stripped me of my grand son but of a chance to meet her new little daughter who is now nearly 2 months old.  She has stripped her Great Nanna and Aunty of seeing the kids as well because they told her it was wrong to use the kids as weapons. They live 10 minutes from me and I cant see, touch or hold my precious angels. Arthur and  use to have so much fun cooking, doing playground trips of all the playgrounds in the areas. I've had trouble with depression all my life and felt there was nothing good about me but when Arthur came into my life at 2010 I finally found my place. I was put on the earth to be a Nanna. He didnt see depression, or the chronic pain I'm in on a daily basis through medical conditions. He just saw the nanna who would take him for a drive looking for trucks, taking him to playgroup, Nanna Tuesdays, movie days with containers of popcorn, gardening, Nanna cuddles and kisses. I find myself lost, no purpose and wondering what is the point. Thanks for listening.

[white knight]

Hi Denise,  welcome to beyond Blue forums

Grandparents run this risk as soon as they become grandparents. As much as they love their grandchild they must take a back seat in the raising of that child unless the parent agrees to co parent the child with the grandparent.

This however is not easy sometimes. You stated, as the sole reason for this situation that was inflamed was "I refused to lie for my daughter". Then your son claimed your daughter hates you.  I am wondering why she hates you for merely you exercising your right to not lie for her. There might be much more to your daughters feelings you may not know about.

I suggest you let things calm longer. Then some time from now you could try to patch things up.  If your daughter doesnt want to do that then you have little else but to move on.  But there is another side.  You may well be suffering by no contact from your grandchildren but it doesnt mean she is using them as weapons. Hopefully not. It could be that she has that hate inside for you. Thats different. If she simply despises you then with holding the kids form you is simply a consequence of her and your relationship deteriorating, not using her children as weapons.

In the meantime you can go along to your GP and chat with him/her to see if there is a counsellor that could guide you so the chances of reuniting with your grandchildren is maximised.

Good luck

[geoff]

dear Denise, unfortunately the same has happened with my ex and our eldest son, who has a 3 1/2 and  6 month old, both girls where the same has happened for about a year, but it's a stale mate, neither will budge, but with them it's really the ex and daughter in law that don't get on well.

I'm so sorry for you but what I do hope is that your daughter changes her mind which is very possible to happen, as with the same situation in my case, which doesn't include myself.

I only wish it would change for all of them, and in my case, my ex has never said sorry to me in our 25 year marriage, and still won't, and I'm certainly not referring to you.

Would like to know what you think. L Geoff. x

[Denise_B_]

I know how this must effect you Geoff. It is hard I understand a lot of men end up on the wrong end of us Women. I don't know your ex so cant pass judgement there. But do know the word "sorry" seems very hard for some. I've got a friend like that he can be quite "my way or the highway" sort of person but if he's proven wrong its move on and get over it, not always easy as words can hurt as much as actions sometimes. My daughter and I have always had a hit and miss relationship but I thought for the last 3 1/2 years we had got to a really good place. I use to say to my family if everything my daughter and I had been through has led us to the moment before this crap then it was all worth it, then this happens. Still at a loss especially because shes cut her grandparents off and her Aunty and Uncle. I can accept me but not them. Sorry Geoff I'm not very good at this stuff. I really do wish you all the best and hope somewhere down the track things will work out for you, I honestly do.