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Dating again

bubbles85
Community Member
How do you know when your ready to date again?

I'm struggling as I know I still really love my ex but I don't think we will be getting back together (even though contact seems to have started again... long story).

I want to move on and part of me thinks trying to date may help. But I also know how I still feel about my ex so I just don't know what to do, I don't want to just use someone to work out my own feelings. And now days it's all done online which scares me, it was why I had been single for so long before my last relationship.

How have others gone with this?
33 Replies 33

I suppose I am just trying to focus on myself, making plans for things I enjoy. Trying to limit the contact with my ex to what is necessary is also helping.

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey bubbles85,

It sounds like you're really putting a lot of effort into focussing on what's best for you, which is great to hear. It can be tough sometimes, so please feel free to post here whenever you'd like, about whatever you'd like. I hope you can feel like this is a safe space for you.

Anyway, good to hear from you.

James

That is really encouraging advice, thank you for sharing that

Hi bubbles85,

I think that sounds like a great idea to focus on yourself and limit contact with your ex. What kind of things do you enjoy doing?

I love to travel but cheers to covid for making that difficult! But I am getting away next week just in my state so something to look forward too.

Also love discovering new tv shows so Netflix is getting a workout

Elsam
Community Member

Hi bubbles85

I know exactly how you feel, I have just started dating after the break down of my marriage. I was with my ex 25 yrs....

The whole online dating thing is painful and very difficult to meet honest genuine guys!

Seems most men have come out of long relationships/marriages and just want to play games and think they can have a different woman every week

I do not like this online dating at all but it seems to be the only way to meet people now.

I am here if you need to chat

Guest_1584
Community Member

You too , l was out of a 20yrs marriage, took 3 or 4yrs to myself then met someone then someone else but that's looking iffy atm with dramas she has ongoing. Soooo, here l am thinking about all this stuff again too. l feel like l'm being dis loyal to my gf that was but we're on an indefinite break now because of her legal stuff and she's been up home in a different state over 5mths now and with zero answers to any future , so l can't help but think.

Anyway , l was on a date site awhile myself back when. Low and behold straight out the gate l just happened to come across this girl over 4yrs ago now but l still think about her. Well l wasn't bc l've been involved but l am remembering her again now that this has happened .

lt was such a beautiful weird thing with her and maybe the big mistake l'd made l'll never know now l don't suppose but l even rejoined that site to see if she was around again , never know. Anyway l contacted her back then bc of not only her look and the deep soul l could see all over her but also all over everything she'd written on her page. She answered a few days later and we just sprang straight into this intensity l could never explain but it was like we were already two old souls or something just straight off the bat but we hadn't even met , without going into things talked about but the intensity was just surreal.

Over the next few days l re read her page many times and kept looking at her photos, l put it all onto my pc. l just couldn't believe the intensity l'd get reading her words , our messages, or from her eyes and pics.She was everything , my dream girl. But there was something wrong.

lt may well have been the mistake of my life , l'll never know , but l stopped everything right there and we didn't meet , because of that something, and that hurt her a lot l could see it. But l dunno you become so guarded and so trying to be pre'preventative.

The worst thing is nearly 5yrs later l still don't know if l did the right thing. Wouldn't you give anything to just go back sometimes.

rx

Elsam
Community Member

@randomx

I really feel for you with this lady that you still think about 5 years later

Please see my post under Relationships

I have met this amazing gorgeous intelligent guy I am totally smitten with.
I just have no idea what to do to try and make it work with him.
I am feeling totally desperate to speak to him or message him but so scared of scaring him off.

He was so full on with me until we met and now he has backed right off.

I just don’t know what else to do, I do not want to lose him
I fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on a dating site as well.

We had this amazing connection and intimacy between us too

It feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet the love of your life, I cannot get this guy off my mind and I don’t know what to do or who to turn to

I just want to tell this guy how I really feel about him and how attracted I am to him but so scared he will see me as desperate

Guest_1584
Community Member

'

Hiya bubbles , hope your doing ok .And good for you too in not forcing yourself and all this , and looking at life and interests as well. Hope you got to get away a bit and have some fun. You know , l think the main thing is to just not to force it or go against your gut. l think when you just naturally feel like it again, and feel up to it , and can see yourself in something new , then it's time.

Hey elsam . Damn eh , l'm really sorry to hear that , l hope he comes good . lt could even be just something that's hit him as in that sitch of mine l was talking about. ln which case he'll probably realize he's just being a drama queen and get back into things. Unlike stupid me and my sitch back when. Where l just stubbornly stood my ground walked away on what l was thinking , just trying to avoid something l didn't even know if was real or not . Bloody idiot , l should've followed it through and gave it a chance because l could've well been 10k off base.

l'll try to find your thread.

rx

Hi bubbles85!

I completely know how you feel, travelling is one of my favourite things to do too. That sounds like a great idea to do a little trip in your state! At least we get to explore places maybe we wouldn't have previously.

What kind of shows are you watching on Netflix at the moment?

It's really great that you are focusing on yourself!