Damaging relationship with my mother

[Logo]

Hello

1st time poster - so don’t really know what to write or how to explain.

So I have a pretty toxic relationship with my mother and have asked to cut ties with her. I dare say she is mentally unwell - but have had to cut ties for my own mental health. She doesn’t have my phone number and her emails go straight to trash. But the phone buzzes even if don’t see her email. Well she has found my address and posted a card. I didn’t want to open it but curiosity. It’s like she has 2 personalities, can write kind things but also flip to the opposite. She loves playing victim and will do her best to make me feel horrible. So this card when arrived a few weeks ago - I just left it. But built up and sorta had a bit of a mini breakdown - few other anxious things at the moment going on and this just topped it. I called my father who gave me update on health of family members (not good news - even not close to them, am still human) and asked for him to speak to my mother to stop and to leave me alone and will get a restraining order on her - he said go for it. Usual no support from him. I woke up the next morning just wanting to find a stop button and press it. I stupidly sent an email to my mother pleading with her to stop and leave me alone and to get on with her life and there is no chance of reconciliation. Spoke to dad in the morning in tears to please tell her to leave me alone and spoke to a few friends that morning which was helpful. Dad said he would speak to her on the weekend but whether he does or doesn’t, I don’t know. But I am feeling so nervous - she makes me so anxious and I am scared of her. I don’t want to see her, speak to her. This is a very condensed story of everything and re-reading doesn’t make a lot of sense. I apologise but I just need to vent I guess and want to stop feeling like a nervous wreck. Past 2 years have been really good and I have found myself and started to accept myself. Feels like now I am at home again living with her like a scared child.

[Deserted]

Hi im very new on here and it helps me to see someone else having mother issues like this as my mother would have the world beleive im the only person in the world who would just cut ties for my own health the only issue is i am now left feeling alone or as if i am the only person left of my people as i dont have any family of my own now and im blessed with in laws who are amazing but find it difficult to be myself because if it caused the woman who gave birth to me to treat me as she did i wish i knew why my mother was infront of everyone else the perfect mum yet went out of her way to destroy my life behind closed doors all the crap was meant to stop when i cut her out but 5 years now and it hurts to not have her even once see if i was still alive or respond to me annoucing the birth of my girls and last week my mother got on my bus i didnt realize until she walked past me as i sat with my girls in their pram and began abusing me just randomly calling me names on the bus can a mother really hate their own child that much i couldnt my kids might hurt me upset me etc but i couldnt ever completly stop caring or worrimg about them yet i was so horrible my mother did that to me and only me not my brother just me sorry i havnt said any of that aloud before and i felt i could as i now see im not the only person with a mother who has issues