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Confused

dtmum3
Community Member

Hi everyone

so I have been separated a lil over 5months now.. and feel like my separation isn't getting any easier.

I have moved out into my own place and trying my best to start a fresh life for myself and my kids

The issue I am having is I dont know if I should move on or keep trying with my ex. I am 100% still in love with him but he fell out of love with me and broke it off.. the issue is we still sleep together and have a good connection but that's it.. he doesnt seem interested in making things work again.. well I dont think so anyways as he doesnt want to do couple stuff and finds it to much but gets jealous if I joke about a good looking guy.. and says he still feels strongly for me but it's hard

can someone please give me advice what to do

thankyou!

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

From this male's viewpoint, if he isn't sweeping you off your feet as if you are both dating again, then it isn't worth pursuing. I think you are a convenience to him at the moment.

I think swallowing your pride and breaking off all contact is the right thing to do. Love has to be both ways. My view in 2008 when I split from my third long term partner was- I wont stop dating until I find my soulmate. Well turns out I did, my best friend of then 25 years. She was my kids favourite auntie (by marriage) and I was even her ex's best man (he was my brother in law).

After 8 years of marriage we are closer than ever. I cant imagine life without her and tell her that every day.

Settle for nothing less dtmum3....nothing less than a man that worships the ground you walk.

TonyWK

Hi

TonyWK

thanks for your input and advice.. I know what you mean.. I guess i do need to cut all contact and move on.. it's just so hard when you love them still 😞 and I was 100% loyal.. I just never understand why I am not good enough.. like he worked away.. I looked after our kids, i cooked, cleaned, looked after finances.. and because I had my off days he called it quits 😞 it's sad.. and when we hook up from time I believe he still cares for me.. but clearly not enough to want to keep trying.. or is it more of a slow burning thing? After a break up does it take time to get back with your ex again??

Thanks again

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Dtmum3

No doubt he cares for you, but care isn't the only thing you want or need. That would be ok if you were elderly for example and live your days out together to help each other. At your age you want and deserve more.

Each time I've separated I've learned that after 2 months or so I have to kick start my life with a distraction. Once that distraction was my hobby of model airplanes. Then my first marriage (two kids then 7 and 4yo) when is split, I found a block of land and built my own house. With two jobs as well (one was 12 hours shift work in security) I didn't have time nor the energy to think about my nasty abusive ex wife.

But also I forced myself to go dating again. It was to just make that move so I could step another step away from my ex wife, a developmental thing. It was the best thing I could do, to get the affection and care I was deprived for so long- 11 years, without the abuse.

I don't know if you'll find your soulmate but I wouldn't give up the pursuit. You deserve that. Talking to yourself about not being good enough doesn't help.

Here are a few threads you can google-

Beyondblue topic rejection- it's hard to swallow

Beyondblue topic pampering yourself

Beyondblue topic confidence- how do you get it?

Beyondblue topic relationship split

Beyondblue topic feeding your brain

I hope they help. Everyone deserves love and affection, loyalty and devotion...even you.

TonyWK