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Confused after breakup

itsagamble
Community Member

I recently came out of a six-month relationship following a year or so of loneliness and depression after my marriage break-up.

I met a wonderful lady in February this year and over time we became close and fell in love. She said I was the nicest person etc she had been with and she loved me more than I could know. But she and I live about an hour and a half away from each other (which I don't think is a problem) and she had concerns about the future. We discussed this several times, and I made a commitment to her that I would in time move to be with her and work my custody arrangements around that. She seemed to be OK with this for a while and the relationship continued at the same intensity. We began telling loved ones about it etc only a few months ago, about 5 months into the relationship.

My children and hers (2 each, similar ages under 6) are still struggling with our respective marriage splits (me nearly 2 years, her almost a year now - about 5 months when we met) and we had agreed not to say anything to them, which made seeing each other a casual type thing and I was dying to give her more, which she often said she wanted, but was too worried about telling her kids and ex. Anyway, long story short, after my most recent visit to her, now almost a month ago, she broke down in tears and said she couldn't do it anymore knowing that she could be the reason for me moving away from my kids and perhaps damaging them more.

She has told me as early as yesterday that she does love me the way she said she did, but can't be with me (because of the above) and she's sorry for me and for her, and that I am amazing and wonderful etc. and I should move on and give that love to somebody else.

I don't understand. I tried everything and always had the idea that if you loved somebody you try and do everything to be together. I'm really struggling now as to how I will find somebody remotely close to her and how I can move on from this and trust again to start a relationship. I also can't fathom how somebody could find the perfect person but give up.

11 Replies 11

I have no closure. She gave up. I didn’t. I just don’t get it. Anyway. I won’t be giving her the benefit of a second chance.

Hi itsagamble,

Yes, there will be a range of emotions to work through. Agreed, 'closure' is a subjective term but you have reached some understanding of where you stand?

I'd recommend you have a chat with the Beyond Blue counsellors on 1300 22 4636 to talk through your feelings and receive more support.

Please post again whenever you feel the need.

Take care,

t.