Complicated grief

[Guest_322]

Hi,

So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing.

Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's often at the back of my mind.

When she was around, I used to write a lot. I lived in my own head. Imagination was my escape.

But when she passed away, something inside me died too. I stopped writing, and I barely engage in any sort of creative writing these days. I'm fine with uni assessments and stuff like that but I don't really write creatively if that makes any sense.

It feels weird but it feels as though I've lost some of my ability to imagine and create, which I'm sad about, and the turning point was her passing.

Most days I feel okay- as in I have somewhat accepted- my past and her passing. But some days, like last night, I suddenly felt like I was 5 again, and just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry.

And the hardest part is sometimes I think that I'm doing okay but then it sort of all starts hurting again (and I often can't pinpoint the trigger). And I remember.

Dottie x

[Doolhof]

Hi Corn Syrup,

I like your last comment about problems! I'm lucky in a way, as once I've been to sleep, I sometimes forget the problems I thought I had!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[Guest_322]

Hi,

Zeal, any time re: the Friends Cafe. You are a super awesome (with chocolate sprinkles on top) friend to us all there!

Mrs. Dools, thanks for seeing how I'm going. You are a very kind lady. Wow, you had a very productive day! Well done. I hope your mini holiday is great. Beach and sister= winner. Enjoy!

Corny, thank you 😊 You have always been a really insightful support to me (and many others). Keep being you. You're awesome! Token of my appreciation, I present 🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽

Everyone, I really appreciate the advice and kindness. For now, I'm going to concentrate on uni 😉

Compartmentalisation is what got me through year 12, got me through uni (let's hope it continues doing so), etc, etc.

I often genuinely don't know how to deal so the best that I have come up with is shoving things in all sorts of alphabeticised drawers in my brain. It's pretty full there ha, ha.

You are all amaze! Thank you!

Dottie x

[blondguy]

Hey Dottie

the help/support you provide to so many people is Gold 🙂

As per your post above, Uni comes first....and wise choice. Can I ask if you have applied for the recruitment drive for community champions that was advertised on the BB Voices emails?

I understand your time at Uni is paramount of course.

You Rock Dottie

My best wishes and hugs

Paulx

[Guest_322]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for all your encouragement! I appreciate it a lot 😊

To be honest, I haven't checked my email in a while ha, ha plus I'm not a BB Voices member so I don't think that I would have been contacted anyway 😉

Thanks for the vote of confidence though.

You're awesome!

Dottie x

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottie,

Hope your week is going well.

You mentioned you have alphabetical drawers in your brain as a way of organising stuff. I make a bit of a mental list in my mind as to how I consider my day my might pan out.

"Stuff" happens in-between and that is okay. Some days I might have excellent plans that are interrupted for one reason or another. No worries, it is then time to adjust.

Hope you are doing okay with Uni. Do you get a break over Christmas and New Year? My niece is studying a Uni course on the internet. She mentioned cutting down to two subjects over the holiday season. Sounds like she is not getting much of a break other wise.

I'm trying to teach myself how to paint with water colours. Last night I watched some excellent tutorials on the internet. I keep forgetting that option is available. My brain automatically goes back to the old way of doing things: going to the library and looking for a book.

I have advanced past the cave drawings for instructions, so I am getting somewhere. Ha. Ha.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Me again Dottie,

I agree with Paul's sentiments.

I too have appreciated your posts!

Cheers again from Mrs. D

[james1]

Me three Dottie 🙂 You're awesome.

Mrs dools - that's great that you're learning to paint with water colours 🙂 I think you could do some wonderful flower paintings. Watercolours work really well for flowers, especially those ones you have in your photo. Nice one!

[Guest_322]

Hi Mrs. Dools,

You always leave such thoughtful, caring messages. Thank you 😊

I like your ability to be so adaptable when things don't go according to plan. I think that shows resilience!

Your niece sounds busy- I'm assuming she's enrolling in summer school? Most unis have a 3 month break but some students can opt to do summer school for certain units. So after my final exams, I get 3 months holidays (no summer school for me)! Woo!!!

The watercolour painting sounds fantastic! Practice makes perfect but I guess the most important part is having fun with it 😊

You take care and speak soon.

Dottie xxx

[Guest_322]

Aw thank you, James!

Right back at ya!

Dottie x

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottie and All,

Yes, I do try to make the most of what comes my way. It doesn't always work, but when I at least attempt to think and act that way life is a lot less of a hassle for me.

Without going into a lot of detail, I have had my fair amount of losses and down times. Life has sucked plenty of times to the point where I have wanted to give up.

I could dwell on all of that and be miserable, or I could try to see the best of a bad situation.

You know that saying: "Is the glass half full or half empty?". I never really understood that, either way the glass has the same amount in it. Like: "What is heavier, a kilo of lead or a kilo of feathers?" It is still just a kilo.

So for me I try to think who cares if the glass is half full or half empty! Just drink what is in it and fill the darn glass up again. Or if you don't like what is in it chuck it out!

Dottie and James I had fun with the water paints yesterday. Today I am going to see if I can purchase some better quality watercolour painting paper. The stuff I am using was purchased form a cheap shop so the paints don't run so well. I'm curious to see if a better quality paper makes much difference.

I found my oil paints in the shed while I was looking for something else. I forgot I still had some! Oils are great fun too!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools​