Dear Startingover~
I'd like to join TonyWK in welcoming you to the forum. He has already given you a great deal of sound advice about your heart-breaking situation.
As he said it would have been a shock your ex had another moving in straight away, it does not reflect well on him. I hope you managed to get your things anyway, if not either do as Tony says and get someone else to get them or have someone accompany you.
Tony said you deserve the best in partners after all the horrible experiences you have had, and I would agree. How to find one when enough time has lapsed can take a different approach.
Many people go for the same type of person - even though they turn out bad - time and time again. Perhaps it is because starting a new relationship is scary and difficult and there is a temptation to go with what is familiar, because it seems easy and natural. As you know sadly this ends up with the same tragic result.
I'd suggest counseling if you can afford it to see what you have been doing and look to different methods of getting together wiht someone in the future.
There is another thing. All those relationship breaking down or being toxic have injured you. They have no doubt left you wondering if it is you - it is not. What the have done is broken your ability to trust, and also left you very reluctant to be hurt again.
You said that "I pushed him away. I was constantly making up horrid scenarios in my head, I’d get angry, I’d say horrible things." This strikes me as being a direct result of the way you have been treated and needs someone who has love for you, understanding how the past has affected you and patience - it is not a quick process..
They need to not only understand, but take steps to give you the least cause possible to mistrust (giving you access to their phone is one simple thing) and not taking things too personally when you are angry and say horrible things. You are actually saying those things to the ex partners who let you down.
As Tony said for now keep busy, it might not seem like it but life can change around, just do not rush thinking another partner will take the hurt away, you need time first. I remarried withing a year, however my first wife had been very ill in hospital for 9 months before she passed away and I'd been grieving all along.
May I ask if you are facing all this alone, or is there anyone in your life, family member or friend. you can talk frankly with? They do not have to fix anything, just listen and care.
Please feel free to come here anytime
Croix
