Christmas Dread

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.

[quirkywords]

Katy

I hope today is ok and bearable. 
what yummy food did you buy. 
To me today is another day but I know many who are alone feel sad today. 
I wis everyone a peaceful , kind, caring seasons greetings. 

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi quirky 

Nice to see you here. I’ve bought lots of nibbly food like cold meat, crackers and dip, some blue cheese etc. Nothing I have to cook. I also bought myself a new book, so I’ve started reading that. I do feel lonely though, so I think I’ll go to the beach soon. It’s a gorgeous day. I hope yours is nice, however you’re spending it. 

Katy

[HelloGail]

Christmas Day, woke up with dread. My estranged daughter texted me but it felt insincere. I was meant to go away with her for Christmas but we had a disagreement and I decided to not go. I did the right thing. So she left very quickly on Thursday, again, like she did on 15th. I went for my first walk in 14 days as recovered from eye surgery 12th, stitches out 19th. I watched Netflix, ate vegetable steamed and salad watered again helped my neighbour who we discovered had collapsed in her lounge room she'd been on floor since 9am. This was 3pm when I was watering and discovered her. I managed to get through Christmas Day on my own. I hope those in same boat managed too. 

[quirkywords]

Hello Gail

I am glad you found your neighbour., it must have been a shock for you. 
thanks for sharing your day .

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

HelloGail

I'm glad you got through the day, it certainly sounds challenging. I hope your neighbour is going to be ok. It was lucky that you were there. 

Katy

[Guest_1584]

Thank Katy.

lt sure was , hope you found a pudding and had a nice me day.

Merry xmas.

rx

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Still can’t shake this feeling. Yesterday hit a real low (s thoughts). Today low again. Just dragging myself through each day trying to get to the other end. I’m sure I’m not the only one that hates this period. It’s just a horrible big blank space to sit alone with my thoughts and none of the usual distractions. Yoga’s on a break, so is my volunteer role, and my MH support group. Just me all alone feeling rubbish… hate it. 

[jax_in_my_heart]

Hi Katy.  I can absolutely relate - I used to enjoy Christmas many years ago, but then went through a few years alone, and it was terrible at Christmas time.  I have since built a new life with a partner, and we have done a quiet christmas together the last two years, but I can't shake my dislike for Christmas, the loneliness at the time obviously made a huge impact that I'm only now realising.  It's an exceptionally difficult time, and all I can suggest is you try to be gentle with yourself - acknowledge that it's an awful time of year, recognise that you're going to be down and without distraction, but know that it will improve soon as everyone moves in January.  The last several Christmas's that I was on my own, I went away to an AirBnB and turned off social media for three days, which helped a bit, but not everyone can afford to do that.  The important thing is - this too shall pass, it will be January, and things will look brighter in a year full of possibilities for you.  

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Thanks so much for posting jax_in_my_heart, it's nice to feel some understanding. I know it will pass, which always makes things more bearable, but I still have to hang in there (which yesterday felt almost impossible). I'm happy to hear you have someone in your life, so you don't have to endure the same. And yes, I think money would make life easier, but often poor mental health means being poor. Maybe next Christmas will look different... I hope so.

[HelloGail]

Katy, I gather you don't have any close family or friends to spend time with on Christmas Day. Travel and costs can limit us spending time with folks too. Maybe during 2023 those of us experiencing intense loneliness around Christmas, take a  look around locally for any community groups where solo people can meet in a park or somewhere to enjoy Christmas together. I know of one on the north coast though I have never been and they sit and eat in a group along the river for those who don't have families and have a bbq. It's easier in the country to find groups such as those in Port Stephens, too far for me! Let's hope for a better Christmas 2023.