Cheating Husband. Zero support or finances

[Kerrald]

For years my husband has had a bad relationship with alcohol.  Apparently he’s not an alcoholic but once he starts drinking he’ll binge until he passes out.  Recently he’s been sneaking out of the house and staying at brothels until the next afternoon.  He’s also previously talked about harming himself.  We are going to separate after Xmas.  But he went out again last night and spent all our money at the brothel again.  

we have 2 young children, and I have zero support as all my family and friends are overseas.   He has his own business and currently pays me a wage - he says he’ll continue to pay me a wage until I can get on my feet, but I can’t trust that because of his spending at the brothels etc.  

I feel completely isolated, and feel that he has the control because he is our only source of income.  I need someone to hand hold me through all of this mess 😞

[Sophie_M]

Dear Kerrald,
 
Let us first welcome you to our supportive forums’ community, thank you for having the courage to seek assistance for your situation. We can hear that you are wanting to do what is best for your children and feel that home is currently not feeling like a safe environment.
 
As you have stated that you have a planned separation after Christmas and your partner states that they will be supportive financially after. Have you considered asking if he would be willing to move out of the family home and find a “bachelor pad” style of accommodation more suited to his current lifestyle. We only suggest this if you would feel safe and comfortable doing so.
 
Explaining to him that you are concerned that his current behavior of drinking, excessive spending and sleeping at brothels will have a negative impact on 2 young children. If he refuses, would you consider emergency housing? Ask lzzy is a great resource for finding emergency housing, Click here and follow the housing link.
 
We would also encourage your partner to seek assistance to manage his current self-destructive behaviors, but this needs to be his choice when he is ready.
 
There are some excellent resources for families going through separation and financial abuse at 1800respect, we encourage you to have a look at their site for further information, click here.
 
Please know that Beyond Blue is here for you and although we cannot be there in person to “hand hold” you, we will be there to assist with your mental wellbeing through this ordeal. We are available 24/7 via calls and chat via this link.
 
Thank you again for joining our supportive community and sharing your experiences, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello Kerrald, there are many definitions on what an alcoholic is and every one has a different opinion which may be completely different from one another, so my opinion may differ from the next person, however, if your husband drinks until he passes out and visits brothels on a regular basis then your marriage is questionable, especially when you have two young children.

You don't know how long he is going to pay you a wage when you aren't living together, but he has a responsibility to pay his dues until the kids reach 18.

Who moves out is very important because if he does, then you can't be sure whether or not he will pay you a wage, so if I can suggest you contact Centrelink and if you move out then they will help you with rent assistance and can organise utility discounts which could be cheaper for you.

Please let us know what your intentions are going to be.

Geoff.

Life Member.