Cant stop thinking about it

[Jules73]

So my husband had been messaging this girl and I just happen to  read the messages and there was nothing to much going on just one comment that sticks into my head that I cant get out (called her his football team girl)cant really go say what the first word was otherwise you will all know where I live, but it hurt to say the least,We have been together for 20 years he says there is nothing in it and I believe him and he has never done anything in the 20 years that we have been together that suggest he would cheat, But the communication he had with this girl is hurting me so much confiding in her  cant get it out of my head, I cant sleep I cant eat  I feel depressed all the time I keep thinking about it constantly he has know contact with her now as I spoke to him how I feel and he tells me I am being ridiculous and they are just friends and he enjoyed her friendship I sent her a message saying to stay away from him don't call or talk to him which she has done she assured me there was nothing going on that they were just friends but still I cant get it out of my head its driving me crazy I think about it night and day and I don't know what to do  

[white knight]

Hi Jules, Welcome

I'm 59yo, my wife is 51yo, most of my friends are females. I relate to females much better particularly emotionally. My wife isn't on Facebook, I'm on it say 2 hours a day. So my messages to females are frequent yet she doesn't know the content.

I asked her once if she wanted to know the content of my messages. She replied "I trust my husband". Just something to think about Jules.

The content of his message to her isn't, in my view, reflective of having an affair or wanting one. It might seem flirtatious and therefore is a concern, say something to keep an eye on but maybe over-reactive to do what you have done. With any such relationship with three people it is the one in the middle (hubby on this occasion) that should be the one to approach if you decide to, not the girl.

Hope that helps.

Tony WK

[Jules73]

Thanks Tony i do think i have overreacted as he is the same as you has more female friends then male i have confronted him and he assures me they are just friends inthe 20 years we have been together he has never  shone any signs to indicate he has cheated 

[white knight]

Hi Jules,

So happy you are ok. You've made my day. We are here anytime you need to chat. It's ok, you can pick up the pieces.

Tony WK

[Cherpieus]

Hi Jules73

I put a post on here a few days ago about my husband trying to get in contact with his ex. 

My husband is extremely flirtacious with women. And I am a very jealous person. 

I have learnt that my jealousy causes more problems than his flirtaciousness. I somehow have to curb it otherwise it will be very bad for my relationship. 

Perhaps we are in a similar boat.

[Jules73]

Hi cherpieus it sounds like it but i dont have a problem with him having girl friends just this one girl he seems so obsessed with he was always talking to her messaging her all the time how do you control the jealousy  i am always thinking  about her and what my husband said to her i need to stop thinking about it as its driving me crazy 

[Cherpieus]

Hi Jules73. I'm not sure how to control the jealousy. I still think about the message my husband sent to his ex as well as all the other flirtacious behaviour.  And it's been made worse now that I've tried sharing my problem with depression with him and he has now rejected me emotionally and physically.

I'm currently trying to shut down emotionally from my husband for a while and just focus on me and the children. 

Obviously this is not good or sustainable in the long term but I'm going to try and just cut myself a break and think if he goes off with someone else well that's his choice. I don't feel this deep down but for a few days I'm going to pretend I think that. Perhaps you could try the same and we could see how we go?

[white knight]

Hi Jules

Keep busy, divert your attention, hobbies, sports, sewing groups, what ever. If you are convinced ther eis nothing in it then you need to get your mind on other things. Cheers

Tony WK